"I didn't say I was eccentric -- I'm not the one soaking her hand in her soup."
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Saturday, November 23, 2013
There's something about Old Robert Redford breaking up this mugging and chasing off the Central Park Troll that brought this classic scene to mind... Hmmm... I'm not sure we should trust Old Robert Redford.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Tonight, when I get home from work, I'll try again.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Saturday, November 16, 2013
It's concrete, Mary. Concrete. Not cement. It's the Concrete Jungle. But if you weren't so obsessed with the Beauty of Nature, maybe you'd know that.
You want nature? Why don't you head down to Chef Pierre's and visit your old friend, John Dill. I'm sure he's got a whole room frosted in a nature motif featuring hundreds and hundreds of images and figurines of you as Mother Nature.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
"Hello, Toby? This is Mary Worth calling from New York City. I want you to do me a favor. Break into Jeff's house while he's in Vietnam. On his desk there's a big box of fund raising leads written on 3x5's. Mail the box to me here in New York. I have a feeling my friend, Shelly Cohen, isn't going to have any problem exceeding her goals."
Okay, I have just one question: Why did Shelly's BOSS, call her at HOME to ask her to do something that is already part of her job description??
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
As Shelly, in her vestments, leads the little minions in prayer to Mary Worth, it is reassuring to note that this crazy new religion doesn't have many followers based on the number of empty chairs.
P.S. Could someone please explain panel 2 to me?
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Wha...? No long introductory speech? I really was hoping for a more honorific introduction. "Our first award recipient came to Promise Haven after her friend Mary Worth encouraged her. Mary had known hardship in her youth, but even without the support of our marvelous institution, she was able to lift herself off the street and into a wonderful condominium. But most destitute youth are not as resourceful as Mary Worth, and that's where Promise Haven comes in. Do we have any black people here tonight? No? Well, if we did, I'm sure they'd want to tell you the difference our award recipient's hugs have made in their lives. She's hugged a lot of black people, and I believe even a few Hispanics. Is that right? Yes, I knew it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Shelly Cohen! ...Shelly, why don't you come up here and read a list of names."
Friday, November 8, 2013
What a grand night it will be for all the celebs when Dear Old Shelly Cohen steps behind that classy microphone stand and reads her list of people to thank. "The louder I say your name, the more grateful I am for you!"
Banquets at the Waldorf are a cut above. Blond lady is actually ordering from a menu. I assume the 700 other guests will as well. So about the time Shelly finishes reading her list of names, the salad plates will be cleared. Hopefully.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Wha....?? Is Shelly getting some sort of reward for something or other? It sounds familiar, but I guess I haven't really been paying attention.
What kind of award is this? She is a STAFF MEMBER! I have been employed in the nonprofit sector my entire career, I've exceeded my goals, and not to brag but I've been pretty committed. And I've never gotten an award. I've gotten a paycheck. Just like Shelly Cohen gets every two weeks. And if she doesn't meet her goals, there's going to be some explaining to do. Staff members don't get awards, unless they are retiring. Is she retiring? Because what staff members do is GIVE awards to people they want to get more money or free volunteer labor out of. That's what staff members do. No self respecting nonprofit organization is going to spend money on an award to a member of its fund raising staff!
Monday, November 4, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Having spent some time on the street, I learned how important it is to shop. And to be recognized publicly for being a good person. Trophies with your name on them are especially important, and a good reason to go shopping at upscale retail stores like Lord & Taylor. Also, it is extremely important to have your chin napkin artfully placed on your chin when you go shopping. Aw, the lessons of the street. Some things you just can't learn any other way.