The leprechauns told me he was a bad leprechaun. So they kicked him out and he became a bad doctor.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Whatever you do, don't call an ambulance to check her out for water in her lungs, or possible brain damage. They might take her to the hospital and who would be there waiting for her? Dr. Kapuht. And as everybody knows, he's a bad doctor.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Actually, Olive, Mary couldn't hear you because you were underwater. Every time you called out to her, your lungs filled with more water, and within minutes you were unconscious. As soon as Mary gets you out of the pool, she will try to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in a desperate attempt to get you to start breathing again. Let's hope for the best. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Just click on the image above to get the full size version, and save it as your Facebook cover photo.
Everyone who guessed that Olive would hide in the pool, please submit your Charterstone Jukebox nominations to the Condo Board. Remember, the Condo Board Jukebox Committee has final determination of approved selections. And congratulations everyone. Because I think everyone was a winner on this one.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
January 3, 2007
Dear Charterstone Residents,
In an effort to keep fees to a minimum, we are pleased to announce that the Condo Board has unanimously decided not to install a safety fence around the Charterstone pool in complete disregard for the Swimming Pool Safety Act of the California Health and Safety Code.
In addition to saving the landlord money, there are several additional benefits to this smart decision: 1) Easy access for carrying large pink cakes to pool parties.
We hope you are pleased with our leadership and wisdom.
The Condo Board
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
This reminds me of a funny story. My friend's sister, Nicole, was babysitting my sister, Kristen, and they decided to play Hide-and-Seek. I don't know how little my sister was at the time. Maybe five. She didn't know that when they call out "Olly Olly All Come Free," you reveal yourself and you win. She hid herself very well, and the distressed babysitter had to call her entire family over to the house, and when they couldn't find her, they were panicked enough to call the police. There were sirens in the front yard, so finally Kris came out to see what all the commotion was about.
Olive, may I recommend lying on top of the narrow wall mounted space heater underneath the coffee table? That way, anytime anyone looks under the coffee table, you'll be up off the floor high enough that they won't see you unless they actually get down on the floor and look up. And trust me, if a panicked babysitter can't find you when she's really trying, your disinterested parents may not even notice you are missing. I'm sure they'll appreciate the extra hour of quiet in the morning.
Hey! Let's have a Not-a-Real-Contest contest: Whoever guesses where Olive ends up hiding gets to nominate a jukebox song to the Condo Board!
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
As I was coming out of anesthesia yesterday, one of my doctors came to check on me. I was really groggy, but I kid you not: He said the operation went "easy-peasy." I'm sure I looked thunderstruck... just like little Olive did yesterday. I wondered if I had hallucinated it, so I asked him, "What did you say? Did you say easy-peasy?" He said yes. I told him to go read Mary Worth.
Thank you so much all for your well wishes and prayers. The doctors are going to do a thorough analysis of the mass they removed because it wasn't quite what they expected, but it shouldn't be anything terrible. Who would have guessed that I would find such support among Mary Worth fans. I await your tuna casseroles and soup tureens.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
I can't decide whose performance is better this morning. Dr. Kapuht does a great job summoning that little girl to him. No doctor in the history of medicine has ever said, "Come here." Maybe, "Let's have a look at you." Or, "Have a seat on the table." But Dr. Kapuht takes bedside manner to a whole new horrifying level.
However, Mother Evy's fury at her daughter's noncompliance is perhaps unmatched. Her eyes go completely white, à la Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Fortunately, Olive can call down the wrath of God at any moment. An epic battle between the Sons of Darkness and the the Sons of Light right there in Dr. Kapuht's examine room would be hard to outdo.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Already I love Dr. Kapuht. He's the kind of doctor that just looks burdened down by his recent divorce and this morning's malpractice summons. Now, add to it this obnoxious child who actually says "Gasp" when he walks into the room. Yes, I like Dr. Kapuht a lot.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Mountview Hospital keeps getting crazier and crazier. Mary posing as a nurse in novelty glasses and a rubber nose? Dr. Kapuht? Don't laugh, though... my daughter's podiatrist is Dr. Footer, and one of my neck surgeons is Dr. Mesick.
Speaking of my surgeons, thank you everyone for your well wishes and kind words yesterday. I am really grateful your support.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
I haven't said much about this, yet, and I won't go into all the details, but I'm getting freaked out because this story that seems to be about intuition is somehow reflecting my own personal life in a number of really significant ways. Not the least of which is that I go in for surgery on a benign tumor in my neck on Wednesday.
There is another major life experience I have had that relates to a child (mine) and a pool (babysitter's), which has made it even harder to blog recently. I've really, really weighed the wisdom of sharing this publicly, but because it too involved an angel of mercy, it is just too sacred for me to share here. Maybe some day, but not now.
And yesterday, I used the words "easy-peasy" with a guest at work. So, yes, I'm worried that Karen Moy has somehow tapped into my brain.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
What kind of crazy walk is this? Now a giant squirrel?! Or is just a trick of perspective that makes it appear to be an R.O.U.S.? In either case, judging by Mary's reaction, it is clearly deadly. "Don't worry, I see it. Unlike the deadly cyst on your torso." Fortunately cysts are rarely not any more dangerous than a squirrel, and are easily diagnosed at bedtime if you have an ultrasound or MRI machine in your bedroom.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Friday, July 4, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Evy, if there's one thing I've learned while reading Mary Worth, it is to Never Ask Why. I mean, "Why are you sharing a deck chair?" "Why is it so loosely weaved?" "Why is Ed crammed into the armrest?" "Why does your left knee look like your right knee, or vice versa?" "Why doesn't Ed have nipples?" This is just one panel. No, Evy, never ask why. Just accept it and move on.
However, if you want to ask "who" and "how," please read this charming little profile on Giella and Moy.