I am Such a Muggle

I'm such a muggle. Mrs. Wanders is not. Mrs. Wanders is a full-blown graduate of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft. As a first year, she was sorted into the Pufnstuf House.

On Opening Day (Wednesday for us muggles), Mrs. Wanders took Children Numbers One and Two to see “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” (Installment the Fifth), which the children raved about. However, while my wife seemed to enjoy the film, it somehow lacked the detail and nuance she recalled from her days as a student. I think she loves seeing in these movies and stories details such as what the little students are studying in potions class, or what’s the latest defense against the dark arts spell. I said, “Yeah, but we’ve seen that in four movies now. How much more can we take?” For this remark, she transfigured me into a rabbit. So I went out and ate her vegetable garden.

She insisted I take her to see the movie again on Saturday night. Which I did. If you haven’t yet been convinced that the powers of witchery and wizardry are real and that the Dark Lord lives and is seeking to rule the world, you never will be. Still, you don't want to upset Mother.

The movie was pretty good – not my favorite Harry Potter movie, but I give it three Hobbits out of five.

After the movie, I asked her what spells she would most like to learn. These are her top five:

Crustulum Prandium:Cook dinner
Congelo Vicis: Stop time so I can get something done
Brain Peniculus: Imports knowledge directly into my head without study
Tersus Vestri Cella: "Clean your room." (Actually, she can do this one, but she has to repeat it over and over and over to get it to work, and even then it’s not done very well. Sometimes it’s just easier to do it yourself!)
Minnivanum: Instantaneously transports the kids where they need to go.