I missed you so much that I didn't write you at all, never once in the forty years I've lived in California. That's how much I missed you, you and your flattened bagels and lox.
P.S. To those of you commenting on yesterday's post, I'm not looking for disciples! Just more Citizens of Santa Royale! You can sign up here.
What, no schmear?
ReplyDeleteFor today's performance, the role of Chin Napkin will be played by Long Pink Scarf.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope Mary isn't too sloppy with her schmear.
And Wanders, call us Disciples or Citizens; we're all loyal bloggers!
Not only no schmear, no kelk schmear! What kind of meshugenah lunch is this?
ReplyDeleteThose things are purporting to be bagels? Looks more like bagel chips to me. And Nance is right, you gotta have schmear to have the authentic experience. (And we're both from NE Ohio.)
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, the evil autocorrect on my iPad was insisting on "schematic" when I tried to enter "schmear".
I think I will invent long lost contacts and inject my day with fictitious yearnings just for amusement purposes.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I will direct this pining to the next person I see in the hallway.
This will be good...
Elinor, er, Shelly: "Mary, my work at Promise Haven has been so rewarding, and the girls have many needs. I'm hoping that you will be willing to do-"
ReplyDeleteMary: "Oh,Shelly,of course I will be willing to do things- I'm said to give very good advice- I will happily meet with the girls to tell them how to live their lives."
(Shelly thinks: Well-played, Mary Worth! We will meet again to discuss how much you will donate.)
(Mary thinks: Shelly, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. It takes more than that to get money from me.)
Shelly: "Are you enjoying lunch, Mary?"
Mary: "Well, since you ask, the bagels are a little dry. Do you have any mayonnaise?"
Shelly: "Mayonnaise???!!" (Thud)
Oy Moy!
ReplyDeleteOr Moy Vey!
ReplyDeleteMany elderly, because of decreased appetites, fall into an unhealthy nutritional habit known as " the tea and toast syndrome". (Perhaps in NYC it is called "tea and bagel syndrome", I dunno) Nevertheless, didn't Shelly specificay tell Mary she had LUNCH prepared? This doens't look like lunch to me.
ReplyDeleteWhere are the bologna sandwiches w/ extra mustard? Where are the salmon squares, the lamb chops and green-glop vegetable tourrine? Will Mary be all skin and bones when she returns to Santa Royale? Oh, the suspense!
Vicki-fer gosh sakes, Mary is 130+ years old, so she must have been doing something right! Let them eat bagels.
ReplyDeletePeanut butter cookies with jelly dipping sauce?
ReplyDeleteI shudder to think what tomorrow's offensive Jewish stereotype will be. Perhaps they will pick up a coin from the sidewalk.
ReplyDeleteShould we contact Karen Moy and ask if she is good at math or if she drives badly?
Don't worry, M. Worthenstein, we chosen people are tough- we can take it.
ReplyDeleteKaren Moy is good at nothing.
ReplyDeleteArtie? Holy sterotypes Batman. when do we meet Mortie and Uncle Leo?
ReplyDeleteHey Mary: try the soup. Ah-ha! Ah-ha! (with apologies to Eddie Murphy)
Mary: "Yes, I suppose working with homeless youths was hard, but these bagels are even harder. If my dentures are damaged, I'm going to hold you responsible, Shelly!"
ReplyDeleteWhat's the white stuff on the plate to Shelly's right in the first panel? Crisco?
BTW, I often wonder if Karen Moy lurks on this blog. If so, she may be in high dudgeon now. "Those people have criticized me for a lack of diversity in Mary Worth. I toss in some Jewish people, and they're still carping. What ingrates!"
What I look forward to seeing in New York:
ReplyDeletehomeless youths and Artie Cohen's menorah
Did Mary just grab the whole sugar bowl for herself? How much does she need for one little cup of coffee?
ReplyDeleteFRIDAY: The tilt of Mary's head and expression on her face in the first panel remind me of when a dog hears an unfamiliar sound and cocks his head, giving you that "what is that?" look.
ReplyDeleteAh, New York City. The bright lights! The great restaurants! Broadway! Museums! Boring conversations in claustrophobic apartments over ill-prepared food.
ReplyDeleteIt's a wonderful town, all right.
"That is, tell me about your work when you're finished playing that delightful tune on your ocarina, Shelly."
ReplyDeleteSaturday: Those bagels are the first food the roaches have seen in months! They're trying to get up a group with enough nerve to approach Shelly and ask, "are you going to eat that?"
ReplyDeleteDr. Jeff likes fundraising too. Maybe Mary can introduce them - it just might be Kismet.
ReplyDeleteDear old Shelly is getting ready to hit Mary up for a hefty contribution to Promise Haven. Let's see Mary weasel her way out of that.