Friday, April 13, 2018

Mary Worth 2864

I'm having a little trouble comprehending a worse possible thing for Iris to say to Wilbur. And it is completely awesome. As we said in the eighth grade: "BURN!"

27 comments:


  1. Well well, look who else will be . . . uh, doing things amidst the flora and fauna.

    Yeah, that's a pretty good pierce to the heart there, Iris. Ain't no country song gonna fix this heartbreak.

    And notice how considerate Zak is to remind Iris why they came to this particular store. Her memory must be going.

    Finally, Brigman really does have a problem depicting how people hold things, not just cell phones. Just about everybody on the planet would carry a shoebox by putting your hands underneath it.

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  2. Not only does Zak remind Iris why they're there, she immediately tells Wilbur. That's always the first thing I do when I run into somebody I know at the supermarket. "Hey Joe. Long time, no see. I'm here to pick up cat food, frozen pizza, and Preparation H."

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  3. Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

    "A Big List Of Horrible Stuff".

    Tent, sleeping bags...
    Wilbur?
    Iris...surprise.
    Camping supplies! Are?

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  4. Because he hasn't paid for his new shoes yet, I assume Wilbur is still wearing his beat-up white Velcro-strap shoes, which almost makes me feel sorry for him in this particular situation. Instead of taking the first few steps on the uplifting walk he was planning, he has come face to face with cold reality, such as it is at the Rick's in Santa Royale.

    I hope that this doesn't cause him to drop his shoe-purchasing plan.

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  5. Just as Wilbur gets over from his stalking issue, Iris tells him her plans. It's like inviting an alcoholic into a bar.

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  6. Iris used to attend church with Mary but stopped going after she starting spending her weekends at Zak's place. I only know this because it's obvious she missed St. Anne's sermon on compassion.

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  7. That's right Iris, rub it in.

    I'm with you Yahoonski. When I go to a store and see someone I know, I usually don't go into detail as to what I'm there for. KM has a strange way of phrasing things.

    Cue up more C&W songs. I predict he will be singing "I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline (although I am partial to the Michael Nesmith version.) or "She thinks I still Care by George Jones. (Also covered by Michael Nesmith). Get ready for Wilbur steaming up the bathroom again singing into his scrubby brush.

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  8. I look forward to the next 4 weeks of imagining what Dawn is doing in Italy, and... i was about to say imagining Zac and Iris's camping trip, but i don't think i really want to imagine that. However, i have a feeling i won't need to imagine the next 4 weeks of sad-sack moaning to Mary about his utter uselessness. Ugh.

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  9. Iris, a tent and sleeping bags are not “supplies,” they’re equipment. Iris should be quite a hoot camping. Maybe she’ll suggest to Zak that the edge of Lookout Point would be a perfect spot to set up camp.

    Iris looks pretty haggard, and she still has Tommy Hair. Keeping up with Zak might be a strain.

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  10. I'm thinking the next song will be Today I Started Loving You Again by Merle Haggard followed by Love Hurts by Gram Parsons and Emmylou Harris.

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  11. Among the many things creating cognitive dissonance for me, is why Zak and Iris are even shopping at a mid-range store like Rick's. Doesn't Zak have a great deal of money since he's a software genius? Wouldn't they be going glamping in a 5,000-square-foot "cabin" instead sleeping bags in a tent?

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  12. It's best if you read WILBUR? in Mr Ed's voice & CAMPING SUPPLIES as "2 sleeping bags that zip together & a fifth of Old Crow"

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  13. @anonymous good point. At least Zak would have a gigantic fifth wheel pulled by a equally large truck.

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  14. Poor Wilbur. Bumping into Zak and Iris at the store while he's on the way to the checkout counter with his new Star Wars sneakers. The ones with the flashing LEDs.

    And agreed. He's holding that shoe box like there's kittens inside.

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  15. Wait a minute... that's not Zak. This is some new guy with brown eyes. Zak's eyes were green/blue/green/blue/green/blue.....

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  16. and the next song: "Just Call Me Lonesome" by Radney Foster. "I ain't got no one, since you been gone."

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  17. Dawn Weston's Evil TwinApril 13, 2018 at 7:17 PM

    YESSSSSSSS!!!! I'm looking forward to a week of mopey Wilbur on the Charterstone couch of Mary, the platitude-generating robot! They'll sip weak tea, choke down stale muffins and "emote" to one another. YESSSSSS!!!! (Who cares about DAWN? Or IRIS? Or ZAK?)

    I have to say, when I look at Zak, I think, why did Iris EVER dump Wilbur for that drip? I just don't get it!

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  18. My husband took me camping years ago and decided candles would be so romantic. He exited the tent, knocked over a candle, and set fire to the door flaps. I was still in the tent.

    I have learned a lot more about camping over the years because I was the "advance camp trained" mom for Girl Scouts. No candles.

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  19. Wilbur and Iris and Zak, Oh My! Kinda makes me nostalgic for Evil Entertainer Esme. Heck, it even makes me nostalgic for Olive Tummybrain and the TeeHee Twosome.

    (Seriously, June is having some fun and/or messing with us. The shoebox is now toddler-sized.)

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  20. SATURDAY:

    Really, Wilbur, sneakers? Gee, I would have guessed you had a pair of cross-country skiis in that box.

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  21. @fauxprof: I'm with you. We need some new characters in Santa Royale. ... And a pool party! ... And chicken salad appetizers!

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  22. Maybe Iris will invite Wilbur to go camping with her and Zak! Tee-hee!

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  23. Iris isn't introducing Wilbur to Zak? "Zak, this is my (ahem) former friend, Wilbur. He pretends to be a person called Wendy who dispenses lousy advice, and he's really into sandwiches and muffins. Wilbur, this is Zak. He made a killing with his Zakis video gaming start-up, and he's paying for my sleeping bag, among other things."

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  24. Hope Zak buys one of those Make Charterstone Great Again hats.

    Flash forward to the camp site: Wilbur is stalking from a discreet distance. Without warning, an axe-wielding lunatic escapee attacks Zaktent. Zakflees, screaming like a little girl (or boy). Wilbur alertly flings his old sneakers at the madman. Choking from the fumes, the madman flees. Iris falls sobbing into Wilbur’s arms. All is well.

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  25. Judging by the height of the mountains behind Iris' head, Iris and Zak may be going camping somewhere along the route taken by the Donner Party...

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  26. The first panel is, of course, idiotic.

    The second panel is a complete non sequitur. It's like she totally forgot they had a heart-to-heart and she dumped him. And his reply makes no sense.

    -- Scottie McW.

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  27. WILBUR! Take the Kelrast drive...take the Kelrast drive...take the Kelrast drive...

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