"Oh Wilbur, it's you. Welcome to Pets R Us! We heard about Pierre. Too bad. But if you're looking for a different companion that is more suitable to your personality, we have a couple of nice flies you might like. They're not picky. Let's see if I can swat one of them without killing it. Or, perhaps you'd like some feral ants. We have lots of those back by the delivery entrance. I'm afraid mosquitos are out of season, but we also have a cockroach or two running around here."
Fast forward two weeks. Goldy the goldfish floats upside down in his bowl. Says Mary, did you overfeed him, Wilbur? Did you change his water? Wilbur shrugs. He never warmed up to me. I thought he was just being koi.
Mary has a smug look on her face and is making her platitude muffins. And if Mary knows that Estelle and Wilbur care about each other, then it has to be.
To really max out one's magnetism of chicks, I hear there's nothing like actual chicks!
In California, I understand "Bella’s Act" (perhaps inspired by Saul's late companion?) actually prohibits pet stores that offer bred animals for sale, instead requiring rescue adoptions. Is Wilbur so determined to avoid rescuing a pet in need that he's crossed state lines in search of a notorious puppy mill (or scorpion mill, or cassowary mill per others' excellent suggestions)? Inquiring minds want to know!
@Ian Cameron, PhD: in CA you can still buy fish and rodents, and birds, I think. Not too many places have scorpions, but you can still get lizards and snakes. I think a snake might be just the thing for ol' Wilbur.
By the way all, I'm traveling the next few days, but I don't want to forget to tell you that I am so very thankful for all you do here. Always so fun to come to 'Wander's Place'.
I don't comment very often, but I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for the hard work! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and hope Wilbur doesn't decide to get a live turkey!!
I did get a scorpion at a pet shop but that was a specialty reptile shop. I teach college zoology courses so it's a "teaching scorpion" the students can observe.
Actually, the scorpion isn't a bad animal. It just wants to hide and mind its own business. Maybe Wilbur needs a pet rock.
Wednesday Yesterday Mary was mixing a batch of batter (with an open sack of “Flour” - where does she shop?). Presto chango, today Mary is sporting an apron and there are baked muffins everywhere. Mary desperately needs Muffins Anonymous to help her face her muffin addiction. She’s also the only person on earth who considers Wilbur a diamond in the rough. Good grief, Mary, give it up.
Don't be shy! I'd love to hear what you have to say about Mary Worth. Just keep it clean, that's all I ask. This is a FAMILY FRIENDLY blog. I don't want to moderate comments, but I will if I have to.
My money's on a rat.
ReplyDeleteHelenClark
Maybe a dead parrot, ala Monty Python. At least he couldn't hurt it and it would show the same amount of affection as Pierre.
ReplyDeleteAre pet rocks still a thing?
ReplyDelete(Two weeks later: "Estelle, my rock loves everyone except me!")
ReplyDelete"Oh Wilbur, it's you. Welcome to Pets R Us! We heard about Pierre. Too bad. But if you're looking for a different companion that is more suitable to your personality, we have a couple of nice flies you might like. They're not picky. Let's see if I can swat one of them without killing it. Or, perhaps you'd like some feral ants. We have lots of those back by the delivery entrance. I'm afraid mosquitos are out of season, but we also have a cockroach or two running around here."
"I'll take 'em."
-- Scottie McW.
Fast forward two weeks. Goldy the goldfish floats upside down in his bowl. Says Mary, did you overfeed him, Wilbur? Did you change his water? Wilbur shrugs. He never warmed up to me. I thought he was just being koi.
ReplyDelete(I’ll see myself out.)
"You say you'd like something to match your personality, sir? Well, yes, I think we have a horse's @ss here somewhere."
ReplyDeleteHelenClark
Mary has a smug look on her face and is making her platitude muffins. And if Mary knows that Estelle and Wilbur care about each other, then it has to be.
ReplyDeleteWanders, that’s Godfrey Giraffe. Geoffrey’s at the place with the backwards R.
ReplyDeleteHow about a nice hairy tarantula, Wilbur? It can sit on your head and cover some of your bald pate.
Judging by the look on Mary’s face, the secret ingredient in her muffins is Valium.
fauxprof, that was clever! No need to vacate the premises!
Mary's stirring up a batch of muffins? Oh, the humanity!
ReplyDeleteHopefully it will be a cassowary (https://www.cbsnews.com/news/cassowary-attack-worlds-most-dangerous-bird-kills-its-florida-owner/)
ReplyDeleteA scorpion, perhaps? A giant land snail?
ReplyDeleteI hear that chicks really dig turtles.
ReplyDeleteTo really max out one's magnetism of chicks, I hear there's nothing like actual chicks!
ReplyDeleteIn California, I understand "Bella’s Act" (perhaps inspired by Saul's late companion?) actually prohibits pet stores that offer bred animals for sale, instead requiring rescue adoptions. Is Wilbur so determined to avoid rescuing a pet in need that he's crossed state lines in search of a notorious puppy mill (or scorpion mill, or cassowary mill per others' excellent suggestions)? Inquiring minds want to know!
https://www.ocregister.com/2020/09/22/new-law-will-tighten-loophole-that-allowed-sale-of-puppy-mill-dogs-in-california-pet-stores/
@Ian Cameron, PhD: in CA you can still buy fish and rodents, and birds, I think. Not too many places have scorpions, but you can still get lizards and snakes. I think a snake might be just the thing for ol' Wilbur.
ReplyDeleteBy the way all, I'm traveling the next few days, but I don't want to forget to tell you that I am so very thankful for all you do here. Always so fun to come to 'Wander's Place'.
I don't comment very often, but I really enjoy your blog. Thanks for the hard work! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and hope Wilbur doesn't decide to get a live turkey!!
ReplyDeleteI did get a scorpion at a pet shop but that was a specialty reptile shop. I teach college zoology courses so it's a "teaching scorpion" the students can observe.
ReplyDeleteActually, the scorpion isn't a bad animal. It just wants to hide and mind its own business. Maybe Wilbur needs a pet rock.
Wednesday
ReplyDeleteYesterday Mary was mixing a batch of batter (with an open sack of “Flour” - where does she shop?). Presto chango, today Mary is sporting an apron and there are baked muffins everywhere. Mary desperately needs Muffins Anonymous to help her face her muffin addiction. She’s also the only person on earth who considers Wilbur a diamond in the rough. Good grief, Mary, give it up.
Diamond in the rough? Wilbur hasn’t made it to lump of coal!
ReplyDelete