I'm an American, so I don't know a lot about soccer. I've already admitted to dropping out of the American Youth Soccer Association as soon as I was introduced to the perplexing Offside Rule. So maybe someone could explain to me the role of a Major League Soccer Manager. In baseball, the manager is the head coach, in charge of every aspect of the game. In soccer, does the manager need to have short stubby forearms, screen calls and do a lot of reading?
The New York Blazes are one of the country's greatest teams. Last year, they took home the coveted MLS Cup 1st place certificate for the third straight season!
Diner patrons come from miles around to gawk at the Amazing Sideways Plate Stacking. It's what Diner does best.
I was stunned this morning to discover that Gina had left Diner, and was home now making personal calls... But then I saw the menus on the counter and realized that -- hooray -- I was wrong. Gina is still on her shift... making personal calls... after spending three hours in a booth with a customer who only ordered coffee. 
Although Mary's idea is a good one, I agree that sky diving onto the field during the game will probably be more effective.
Okay, but be prepared -- things like registering for school, transferring credits, cashing checks and hiding from the mob are going to be a real hassle.
You mean when Bobby's team comes to town in "TWO DAYS?" Because I think you missed the game.
You know what else is forgettable? The offside rule. And if we are going to be attending the New York Blazes' match against the Santa Royale Soccer Team in just two days, we all need to study up. The offside law is the most confusing rule in soccer and drives many a young child away from the sport. It did me. I spent much of my adult life trying to figure out why offside was called against me when I was ten, and after years of study, I finally got it. 
"Also amazing: How I levitate my coffee cup and maintain job security all at the same time!"
Apparently, CHH Coffee serves its rotgut from a vending machine.
Gina seems to think that remaining emotionally stunted at the age of 14 is somehow a desirable quality in a mate. If I'd stopped at 14, I'd still be crying in my bathtub listening to "Seasons in the Sun" on my portable 8-track tape player over and over again.
A major player... on a team that no one has heard of... in a league that doesn't exist. We're all so proud of our Bobby!
Hmmmm... Major League Soccer. What a promising career path. Very eligible indeed. Wait, no, I think what Karen Moy is trying to say is that he's a player on the field AND off. And in those mom jeans, who could resist?
When I saw panel 1 (above), I was worried that Gina had actually started her online search for Bobby Black. But then I saw panel 2, and was relieved to see she was still just thinking about starting.
But what if they did?! What if the government did play with the Baroni family's brains, and the whole Bobby Black thing is just an implanted false memory? That might explain Gina's completely over-the-top obsession with a boy she hasn't seen since he was 14.
In case anyone was wondering: Despite the fact that we first met Gina on July 27, today's thought bubble confirms that this story hasn't even started yet.
So, the Oscar Wilde quote that Karen Moy has selected today to pay tribute to our fallen 9/11 heroes is from the play Salomé. In the play, the wickedly insane Salomé, having convinced Herod to bring her John the Baptist's head on a platter, says to the prophet's severed head: Ah! Wherefore didst thou not
look at me, Jokanaan?
Behind thine hands and thy curses
thou didst hide thy face.
Thou didst put upon thine eyes the covering
of him who would see his God.
Well, thou hast seen thy God, Jokanaan,
but me, me, thou didst never see.
If thou hadst seen me thou wouldst have loved me.
I, I saw thee, Jokanaan, and I loved thee.
Oh, how I loved thee! I love thee yet, Jokanaan.
I love thee only. ...
I am athirst for thy beauty; I am hungry for thy body;
and neither wine nor fruits can appease my desire.
What shall I do now, Jokanaan?
Neither the floods nor the great waters
can quench my passion.
. . . Ah! ah! wherefore didst thou not
look at me, Jokanaan? If thou hadst looked at me
thou hadst loved me. Well I know that
thou wouldst have loved me,
and the mystery of love
is greater than the mystery of death.
I saw a lot of movies this summer: Planet of the Apes, Captain America, Cowboys and Aliens, to name a few. At each movie, we saw the preview for "Contagion." I was not intrigued by the preview, but Mrs. Wanders couldn't wait, and so last night we went. I can honestly say that the best thing about the movie "Contagion" was that they didn't show the preview to "Contagion." 
When I was a kid, I was nuts about GI Joe dolls. I had one that was awesome -- it would talk whenever you pulled on his dog tag chain. He'd say things like "We must hold this position!" and "Man the machine gun!" and "We can only do the best we can with what we have where we are!"
I had a dream last night myself. I dreamed that an ostrich worked at 7-Eleven and sold me a Slurpee. I'm sure there's a lot of truth in my dream.
I remember calling a girl for a date while I was still in high school. I had written out my script. I dialed her number a dozen times, but I hung up each time before I got to the last digit. When she canceled our date, I cried and cried. I loved her so. But now that I know that love has no fear, I must go see her. If only I knew where she lived. If only I could remember her name.
Clearly, Mary Worth is not a very good listener. But then, who can blame her. I faded out on Gina's story at "Happy was the only way we knew to be."
"Gina, it wasn't your mother's fault. It was your father's. Whatever happened to that lousy snitch?"
Last night, Mrs. Wanders and I celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary by going out to see "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Somehow, this seemed appropriate since on the evening I proposed, I took her to the opening of "Wayne's World."
So, I can totally recommend Rise of the Planet of the Apes to anyone who watched these films as a kid, or, if you still are a kid, whose parents made you watch any of the originals (like my kids). Also, keep in mind, this recommendation is coming from a man who blogs about Mary Worth.
It's a good thing I'm not a coffee drinker, or I would have sprayed coffee all over my computer monitor when I read this.
There is a reason why newspapers all over the country are cutting Mary Worth from their pages: It's just too AWESOME. We don't deserve such awesomeness. It needs to be taken from us. Maybe, someday, when we are worthy, it can be restored, but for now, we gaze ignobly upon the holy ark.
Just one more thing? Geez, if I were Gina's mother I'd have an entire list of things, starting with, "Promise me you'll never cut your ponytail..."
