Dawn, this is the exact opposite of Dr. Freud-Jung's advice yesterday! If you love someone, you will break down their walls, pound them down relentlessly until you've exposed the weak, whimpering, isolated being inside. That's love, Dawn. That's love... I mean friendship.
I'm totally late for work this morning, but I have to take time to blog because today is one of the most momentous and historically significant events ever in this comic strip: Dawn attends an actual class!
After years of claiming to attend Local U, we finally have the proof. A class. A psychology class. Which we didn't need our narrator to point out for us, given the psych lingo on the white board, and that vest.
She's studying psychology, which explains how adept she is at interacting with Jim. And after reading panel 2, I think we can look forward to a lot more stalking on Dawn's part. Thanks, professor!
Okay, now she is just toying with us.
Poor Jim.
Does Local University offer a class in Basic Human Interaction?
Dawn. When a guy tells a woman that he wants to be more than friends, it means he doesn't want to be just friends! Get it? It's pretty simple.
When a woman tells that guy she just wants to be friends, and then sends him text messages, emails, and voice messages to the same point, it means that the guy dodged a bullet.
Dawn has become the anti-stalker. While Jim has no doubt moved on, Dawn continues to insist that she doesn't want to be more than a friend. That girl is NUTZ!
"I'm sorry to hear that Dawn. Jim has so little to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. It's cruel of you not to get involved romantically."
Whereas you go to the pier to unwind from whatfore? Studying? The stress of volunteer eating at the cafeteria? Shopping for purple pantsuits? Chatting online with friends? I can't remember any element of Dawn's routine that would require unwinding at a pier. But it's okay because I can only remember Dawn unwinding at the pier once (to unwind from her near-death experience aboard an Italian cruise liner. Okay.) Maybe by nearly every day she means 'one time.'
I seem to remember this same conversation taking place the week of Halloween. This Thanksgiving, I will be Thankful that we got to relive this delightful discussion between Mary and Dawn.
I have just one Christmas wish...
Dawn leaves the classic "just friends" voice mail. Some real zingers. "You're an amazing guy..." "Why mess with a good thing?" "It's not you, it's me..." and, of course, the almost clichéd, "This has nothing to do with your missing arm..."
All of this would be cruel enough, but she leaves it on Jim's voice mail. I guess this is how the story ends because one thing I can absolutely guarantee: Jim is as gone as his left arm. We will never hear from that guy again.
These were my exact words as I dragged myself out of bed this morning to write this post!
This story is now six months long, but Karen Moy will never break me. Never!
Did Humphrey Bogart teach you nothing, Jim? Never beg. Never whine. And never, ever squish your sippy cup!
It's generally hard to take an enraged suitor seriously when he's holding a sippy cup.
Is it any wonder where Karen Moy gets her inspiration?
Just compare the diologue in this scene from the timeless "Casablanca," with this diaologue from today's unfettered-by-the-restraints-of-time "Mary Worth."
And things have been the same for quite some time now.
Chin Napkin! Just when you thought this story couldn't get any better, look who shows up! Chin Napkin!
Oh, I don't know. I could think of a few scenarios. But I can't write about it now because my daughter is screaming at me that I need to take her to school so she can explore herself and see her friends.
I may be overly optimistic, but I think we just finished the story. No, hear me out. This story started (last May) with Dawn pining away over Dave, who had dumped her for his old girlfriend. After a series of harrowing, and perspective-changing events, Dawn has come full circle, where she's not going to take anything seriously until she's explored everything. That's an awesome life plan for a woman whose been able to convince everyone that she's a teenager for the last nine years of college. And I think it's the perfect resolution to what has been an amazing tale of transformation.
Now can we please learn about identity theft again?
By all means, Wilbur, shove your plate aside and eat right out of the casserole dish. After all, you do love food.
Three strips of bacon and a plate of bleached cold cuts? And we all know that Mary Worth did most of the cooking herself. Who has a neighbor help cook the dinner, but doesn't invite her to stay?
Don't worry about Jim. It's perfectly natural to be attracted to someone who looks exactly like your sister.
It's also perfectly natural to confuse the characters in Mary Worth with humans. It's an easy mistake to make.
Oh, wait a minute. No, I'm wrong on both counts.
You know, Dawn, that's exactly what Dave said about you, and look where you ended up... days on the couch watching Game of Thrones, then a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean. And Jim is afraid of boats right now, so this might not be the best plan.
