Mary Worth 1,585

Whew. I am so relieved to discover that yesterday, when Beth told her mother that she was heading over to Mary Worth's apartment, that she actually was heading over to Mary Worth's apartment. I was worried that she might be lying to her oppressive mother and sneaking over to see Tom Harpman.

I'm also relieved that Tom and Beth never discovered that Mother Kinley was withholding Tom's telephone messages. If they had, it might have resulted in Dramatic Tension and made the story more exciting. And, heaven knows, we don't want that.

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Mary Worth 1,584

And, thus, Tom is spraying seltzer water all over his counters. Secret cleaning tip.

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Mary Worth 1,583

Things I love about today's strip:

1. The paper bag that Beth has been carrying all week suddenly disappears in panel two.
2. Laws of physics do not apply to liquids in Santa Royale.
3. Actually, the laws of physics don't apply to anything in Santa Royale.
4. Beth's left forearm is directly attached to her shoulder in panel one.
5. Eleanor Dill's ashes were left behind when John Dill moved out of the apartment. Now Elinor Kinley has moved in... I think this plot is about to get a whole lot spookier.

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Mary Worth 1,582

How did this winner ever end up divorced?

Today's the final day of our spring fund raising campaign to support the Santa Royale Rehabilitation Fund. We haven't quite reached our goal of $3 million, but it's been a great campaign so far. Thanks to everyone who has helped put food on my table this week (franks are not cheap you know). If you haven't had a chance to give yet, please help me reach my goal!

(And just in case there was any question, the Santa Royale Rehabilitation Fund is not a real 501(c)3 charitable organization. In fact, it's not even a real organization. I make this point just in case the IRS doesn't have a sense of humor. Just in case.)

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Mary Worth 1,581

Maybe this is why Tom Harpman's wife left him. Tom Harpman just dropped Nicholas Sparks' name into a regular conversation. After I Googled him, I asked my 18 year old daughter who Nicholas Sparks is and even she didn't know, and she thought The Notebook was a great movie. Tom Harpman needs some Man Lessons.

Thank you everyone for donating during our spring fund raising campaign. I am so grateful for your generosity, and your fun comments. I'm so glad you enjoy the blog.

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Mary Worth 1,580

Beth is all about control. And if she can't control a bachelor, by gum, she can certainly control the food on her plate. "Asparagus greens! I command you to type my next novel! Type for me minions! Type for me!" And with a few lessons from Mary Worth, she may soon control an entire wing of Charterstone.

I want to thank each of you who have contributed so far to the Santa Royale Rehabilitation Fund spring campaign. Your generosity has really been quite startling and I am sincerely grateful. We are well on our way towards our goal of $3 million. (I can dream can't I?)

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Mary Worth 1,579

They both prefer paper! It's a match made in heaven. She's not very good looking, and he hates being a bachelor. Could this story get any more exciting?

Personal note: Charterstone has raised its rent, and your donations will keep this blog vibrant and active. Yes, folks, its time for our annual fund raising campaign. Please consider giving what you can to support the Santa Royale Rehabilitation Fund, to help rehabilitate folks like Elinor Kinley and Wanders. Your gift will also help us keep FREE secret messages free! Thank you!

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Mary Worth 1,578

I used to improvise. I was in San Francisco. We played lots of games. What can I call this? I know! "Five Words or Less!" All sentences have five words. Maybe less. This is a fun game. Hey Theatresports! Word up.

Watch out for man-eating plants. (Hyphenated words count as one).

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Mary Worth 1,577

Blond? Check. Orange suit? Check. Generic good looks? It is! It's Tom Harpman!

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Mary Worth 1,576

With Elinor anticipating Beth's every move like this, no wonder she feels oppressed.

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Mary Worth 1,575

I know! I did the exact same thing the first time I asked a girl on a date! I was in high school, and I dialed that phone a dozen times before I actually let it ring. Of course, I would hang up before dialing the last number. Tom Harpman on the other hand is going to see he's had a dozen missed calls from Beth Kinley, which sends a different kind of message. Anyone remember a certain stalker named Liza Colby?

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Mary Worth 1,574

"Speaking of living life out loud, there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment... I'm not asking much. Just a token really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is... your voice."

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Mary Worth 1,573

Nothing like a little validation... which always makes me want to watch my favorite short film. I've posted this several times, but I never get tired of this!

Mary Worth 1,572

Mary may get a variety of letters, but the wonderful thing is that her answers are pretty much boiler plate. Easiest gig in the world. Too bad Wilbur is currently unemployed. Is Beth about to choke the life out of Mary and assume the mantle of Ask Wendy?

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Mary Worth 1,570

Tom Harpman, if you think Mary's cooking is good, just wait until you have dinner at Beth and Elinor's. Her garlic powder flounder is to die for.

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Mary Worth 1,569

It's not your face so much, Beth, as your massive hands.

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Mary Worth 1,568

Tough words from a woman who can't control the shape of her face!

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Mary Worth 1,567

Dosage: Take 17 capsules nightly with plain water.

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Mary Worth 1,566

Now we know what Tom Harpman will read at his future mother-in-law's funeral.

To My Mother
BY EDGAR ALLAN POE

Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,

The angels, whispering to one another,

Can find, among their burning terms of love,

None so devotional as that of “Mother,”

Therefore by that dear name I long have called you—

You who are more than mother unto me,

And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you

In setting my Virginia's spirit free.

My mother—my own mother, who died early,

Was but the mother of myself; but you

Are mother to the one I loved so dearly,

And thus are dearer than the mother I knew

By that infinity with which my wife

Was dearer to my soul than its soul-life.

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Mary Worth 1,565

Oh, the difference a word can make. If only Tom had asked, "Will you let her know I called?" instead of "Can you." Now his love for Beth is doomed forever, all because Tom failed to say what he meant. Well played, Elinor Kinley, well played.

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Mary Worth 1,564

I guess I haven't been really interested in Tom Harpman either? I've been disappointed by Mary Worth stories before.

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