Shortly after my mother-in-law passed away, my father-in-law, only in his late fifties, said to me with tears brimming in his eyes, "You can't understand this until you've gone through it." It's a moment I've never forgotten. It taught me that there is a difference between compassion and empathy, and it is good to be compassionate as long as you remember the limits of your empathy.
I believe his counsel has helped me in my life as I have the opportunity in my professional work to be associated with many widows and widowers. They have taught me many things about grief, about life, and about love as several of them have opened up their hearts much as my father-in-law did.
I admire each of these people for their courage and their faith and their hope that they can emerge stronger, more compassionate, and supportive of those who walk the same path they are walking.
I am quite sure none of them have ever said, shrugging their shoulders, "When my soul mate died, it was a great lesson! I learned that I want to be remembered! La-di-da, la-di-da."
My mother (who left us much too soon) is remembered well by all of her family and friends. Why? Because she never thought, "I want to be remembered well."
ReplyDeleteShe just devoted her life to her family and led by example, not trite platitudes.
She was widowed at the age of 34, but never thought her loss was a life lesson. (She also never felt sorry for herself.)
Mom was no Mary Worth, of course!
That was lovely, Wanders.
ReplyDeleteWanders, thank you for your thoughtful and affecting reflection. (I must say, you are no Karen Moy.)
ReplyDeleteConsidering that Mary mentions Jack about once a decade, he's not remembered much. However, it's handy for Mary to be able to pull him out, wave him in front of the recently bereaved June, and jump on her pedestal: "See how well I'm doing! Jack's death was a lesson for ME!" This woman is insufferable.
So, Mary's stay at Pax Wellness consists of one peculiar yoga class, one lunch, and a show-off session. Yawn.
Is Mary about to punch her out of her grief?!
ReplyDeleteI know how to cheer you up dear... Let's feed Alka Seltzer to the thirsty desert gulls and appreciate the inner beauty of nature.
ReplyDeleteWhat is up with Mary's pose in Panel One? Is she trying to model "Rarin' To Go Despite Grief!"?
ReplyDeleteHas June lost her neck again?
I forget who said it in a TV show or film, but it's worth repeating:
Not everything is a lesson. Sometimes stuff just happens.
Wanders, thank you for your sincere and thought-provoking comments today. It's a shame that the Mary Worth character--as written by KM--is so one dimensional and unable to present an honest portrayal of one of life's most deeply emotional experiences.
ReplyDeleteInstead, today's MW strip represents one of my pet peeves: the question "what did you learn from that?" That question is usually asked after a mistake is made. In this case, it's been applied to a common human experience; i.e. "So, your husband died six months ago. What can you learn from that?" Learn what? That people die? MW could have least suggested learning from the deceased person's fine qualities.
Oh well, thanks for letting me rant.
Nice words, Wanders. Well put.
ReplyDeleteWhere on thie earth does Mary/Moy get her ideas about life and love and happiness from? Today's strip is almost as offensively bad as the 9/11 strip. No wonder Jeff didn't want to accompany her to the wellness "spa" (I use the word very loosely, as it seems as spa-like as Ponderosa), as he must have needed some time away from Marys incessant psycho-blathering.
Ha ha--in the time it took me to write all that, Nance said it all in one sentence!
ReplyDeleteTo me, Mary's statement can be taken one of two ways. I have inserted commas to show the difference:
ReplyDelete(1) "I want to be remembered well, after I'm gone..." - she wants to be remembered as a good person.
(2) "I want to be remembered, well after I'm gone..." - she wants to be remembered for a long time, no matter what people think of her.
I prefer the second one.
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ReplyDeleteJune's pose in the first panel perfectly mimics my feelings toward her and Mary, as they involve fist and face confluences.
ReplyDeleteAnybody else hear Mary say "Make it so" with a Jean-Luc Picard voice and finger point?
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody remember what caused poor Jack to expire? Maybe he tried to make toast while in the tub, or he misidentified a wild mushroom, or stepped on the third rail. Maybe there WAS a valuable lesson involved.
ReplyDeleteTwo weeks ago, realprof tripped over the dog, fractured his ankle, and is now in in-patient rehab (luckily only ten minutes from the house). I count myself fortunate that Mary Worth is busy with poor June, and is not bringing us chicken soup, kelp casserole, and a heapin' helpin' oh bland platitudes.
ReplyDeleteYes, Jack's early death was a real lesson to him. Meanwhile, Mary remembers him by mentioning him one time since I've started reading this drivel.
ReplyDeleteWanders, that was very moving.
@fauxprof at 11:21 AM, if Dr. Jeff trips over his dog and fractures his ankle, we'll have proof that Karen Moy reads this blog. I realize we have never seen Jeff's dog, but we never saw Jack Worth, either.
ReplyDelete@Yahoonski at 11:11 AM, I recollected that Jack died during the Stock Market Crash of 1929; on Monday, @meg confirmed that Jack jumped off the Flatiron Building in October 1929. Isn't it odd that Mary overlooked mentioning that to June?
I believe the Stock Market crash had nothing to do with Jack's suicide. He just came to his senses and realized what a tragedy his life had become being married to such a self-centered busy-body and couldn't go on.
ReplyDeleteThe way June is mangling her body in these panels looks like she'd like to curl up and disappear to get away from Mary as well.
And enough with the seagulls in the desert-scape already!
Does Mary remember she has children. Of course they're probably in the 100+ age group.
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't she visit them?
Have they banned her from their lives?
Oh, Wanders, thanks for your "insights." But enough about you, let's talk more about ME ...
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful, Wanders, and very welcome after reading Moy's insipid drivel.
ReplyDeleteI thought one lesson Mary learned was to not let drunks get near the precious glass swans Jack gave her. How was that overlooked?
By the way that June is holding her stomach, it's obvious that the cottage cheese she had for lunch had been sitting out in the 110 degree heat too long. A few days getting over food poisoning will make her forget all about what's-his-name.
ReplyDeleteWanders, don't be too hard on KMoy for her lack of compassion. It's not easy to find the right words when you only spend 15 seconds each day writing the strip.
ReplyDeleteSATURDAY
ReplyDeletePanel One: Mary signals to the Pax hotdog vendor.
Panel Two: Mary eats a hotdog and dispenses more Advice.
June still can't decide on a face.
I hesitate to ask what capacity she was needed in BEFORE Jack died, which, come to think of it, was probably due to platitude poisoning.
ReplyDeleteA lesson for the other guests at the Pox-on-U Wellness Resort: "The desert can be a dangerous place if you go out for a walk in the mid-day sun with no water, no hat, and no sunglasses! A moment of silence please for Mary and June. And don't be late for Yoga! Sincerely, Shannon"
ReplyDeleteI don't know where Mary and June have wandered off to but it isn't the Sonoran desert outside Tuscon. It looks a little like Arches National Park with Saguaro cacti growing in it. Apparently Karen and Joe have never been to Tuscon? But all Joe had to do is google Saguaro National Park (just outside of Tuscon) and look at a few pictures. Also, not all saguaros have arms, it takes about 100 years for arms to grow. And sea gulls do not nest in saguaros.
ReplyDelete"But I've never really lost Jack - he's still in my freezer. He'd have wanted me to live the best life I could."
ReplyDelete"Boy, would he be disappointed."
Perhaps they've rapid walked as far as Sedona... or Bryce Canyon even.
ReplyDeleteMary's telling the truth. She appears to have lived a much better life since Jack passed, growing younger, taller, and trimmer. When she sees him again someday, she'll need to introduce herself.
"I know I'll see him again someday. And if I'm not mistaken that cactus up ahead just might be Jack!"
ReplyDeleteSince June can't seem to move on, could the artist please move on with a new story line?
ReplyDeleteMonday, July 29...oh, barf.
ReplyDeleteseriously
ReplyDeleteAre these two going to blather on for ANOTHER week? None of us can take more of this, including June, who seems to have aged at least 15 years since last week.
ReplyDelete"I get the feeling you help many. Do you have any Tide to Go with you? My shirt and arm got all smudgy somehow!"
July 29: Oh good, it's come back around to Mary's wisdom and compassion.
ReplyDeleteThe widow June is suddenly cured of that tiresome grief. When's the next yoga class?
Worse yet, she'll spend a week recapping this conversation for Toby when she gets back to Charterstone.
ReplyDeleteMONDAY
ReplyDeleteJune: I get the feeling you help many.
Translation: What a buttinsky.
Also: More awkward dialog from KM. Who says stuff that way? "Many"? This non-plot is worse than the last one.
Everyone knows that widows are the only people capable of empathy. Did June find the one mud hole in this entire desert and fell into it?
ReplyDeleteP.S. How much longer can these two wander around speaking in platitudes and words no english speaker would ever say? Given this is Mary Worth, I'd say at least another week.
Empathy my arse.
ReplyDeleteJune deserves a medal!
Mary and June still talking? It is up I chuck.
ReplyDeleteThese two will be wandering in the desert longer than the Israelites.
ReplyDeleteThanks for understanding the concept of empathy Ms. Moy. I now feel I do. You must help many.
ReplyDelete