Great literature is never rushed. It takes time to carefully craft character, to render environment and unfold the layers of plot. I for one would be content if this story never got underway. Greatness. Pure greatness is often deeply buried under many, many layers and it could take years to find.
"Of course, Wilbur! In the meantime, I'm fine with the fact that you are Wendy again! Also in the meantime, if you notice a sort of "different" taste to your coffee, I'm serving you my new blend, 'Mary's Special Strychnine.' How about a warm-up?"
ReplyDeleteIt took a sandwich, a glass of something, a piece of cake, a cup of coffee, and at least a week for us to get to one Minor Plot Point: Mary is officially Not Wendy.
ReplyDeleteAlong the way, Iris and Tommy were mentioned, but I'll bet that they aren't ever mentioned again.
I thought Mary was Not Wendy the whole time she was at Pax!
Argh! Either Mary's building is directly on a fault line or even better, someone is throwing the strip in the garbage because this story is just worthless. I think it's the latter.
ReplyDeleteWilbur: Mary, when I take a break from Ask Wendy, and want it back from you, I'm going to ask for it back, then let ask you if you'd take over if I need a break, then when the break is over, I am going to ask for it back, but I will also ask that you take it over if I need a break...
ReplyDeleteMary: ...with extra mustard, mmm...
Just as there's a shift in the control of the column, "Ask Wendy", there's a shift in the foundation of Mary's condominium.
ReplyDeletefauxprof, this one's for you.
ReplyDeleteBlack Widow Case in Santa Royale?
Santa Royale PD Investigating Deaths and Disappearances
Santa Royale police have been called to Charterstone Condominium Complex to investigate the sudden death of bon vivant and raconteur Wilbur "Wendy" Weston. Weston was found dead under a pile of big gray books at the residence of one Mary Worth. Mrs. Worth claims that she was in the kitchen looking for Stevia or larger forks when Weston died. Mr. Weston's daughter, Dawn "Annoying" Weston, confirms that her father and Mrs. Worth have recently been arguing over who is to write "Ask Wendy", a not very popular column that appears in the Santa Royale Whig-Herald.
"Mrs. Worth", as she styles herself, is no stranger to sudden death. Another of her fairly recent companions, one Aldo Kelrast, died in a particularly horrendous car crash, also witnessed by Worth. The man Worth identifies as "my late husband, dear Jack", allegedly died in a leap from the Flatiron Building in New York City after the 1929 stock market crash. Authorities have attempted to verify this story, but all potential witnesses are either dead or over 100 years old. Worth alleges that her substantial fortune was from "dear Jack's life insurance policy", but the Jefferson Standard Lincoln Mutual National Life of Vermont Aetna Traveler's the Hartford Insurance Mega Conglomerate has been unable to confirm her story. Worth has been known to refer to a son and his two children, but no one in Worth's circle has ever seen them.
The recent disappearance of retired hotel manager (and cake decorator extraordinaire) John Dill has prompted local law enforcement to take a closer look at Dill's companion at the time he went missing, Mary Worth. (Although police are also taking a closer look at an anonymous internet post from a poster known as 'heydave' who had vowed 'John Dill must die.')
Additionally, law enforcement is looking into the disappearance of several people who have been known as Worth's confidants in the recent past, including thief Nola Wolvenson, stalker Liza Colby, drunk Jill Black, Dr. Adrian Cory, Detective Scott Hewlett, and others whose names have not been confirmed. In every case, Mary Worth was the last person known to have been seen with the missing individuals, and has also claimed that she served each of them a white casserole at that final encounter. Worth acknowledges that many people have sought her advice, and many have spurned it.
Santa Royale police are currently performing an intensive search of Worth's Charterstone Complex condo, and canine officer Chester T. Dog is sniffing her 1996 Oldsmobuick (tm Dave in Parma). Those with information pertaining to this possible case are requested to contact Detective Sarge Sandusky at SRPD, who has recommended against riding with Worth, visiting her apartment, or eating food she has prepared.
Bulletin: Mary Worth has barricaded herself in her apartment and is holding Professor Ian Cameron hostage. Worth has been seen holding a musket while screaming "you'll never take me alive, coppers!" Cameron has been sobbing loudly and shouting, "Help me, Toby. Aam bein' held prisoner by a radge auld crain, an Aam skeert!"
Meanwhile, other Charterstone residents are sitting on their big broad verandahs, munching popcorn and enjoying the show.
@meg at 10:51 AM, you've outdone yourself! Bravissima! (I'd love to see how Mr. Giella would illustrate Mary holding that musket.)
ReplyDeleteSort of like Les Miserables. 14 chapters about the bishop, and then Jean Valjean shows up.
ReplyDeleteMaybe so, but with Moy, Jean Valjean never shows up.
ReplyDeletemeg, brava, brava , bravissima. You are my sister from another mister!
ReplyDeleteI have two favorite memories of Iris' son, Tommy. Remember when he was smoking (ahem...weed or tobacco, we don't really know)and the smoke wafted through the vents into Mary's condo? And Mary got all disgusted and stressed out over it? That was awesome! And the other memory where it took like THREE prison guards to watch Tommy mop the floor. That was great, too.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Meg, that was truly excellent. I was chuckling out loud!