Christopher Morley was correct. I read this to my cat, and he was definitely not appreciative. You can try it out on your dog if you have one. If your dog appreciates it, consider replacing it with a cat:
Come, Greta! Let’s go for a walk! We can use the exercise… and it’ll help me deal with the thought of an unplanned guest arriving soon! Greta… we’ve enjoyed our peace for the past few months, haven’t we? By taking in Madi for the summer, we’ll be doing a good deed! I took you in, and it turned out pretty well! Don’t worry, Greta. I won’t ignore you when Madi arrives. I’ll always take good care of you! The question is… can I deal with taking care of a thirteen-year-old girl? Greta, we’re getting a guest in our home soon. It may affect our routine, but I made an agreement and it’s done. It’s just for a few months. You and me, girl… we’re forever! You’re the best, Greta. You came into my life like a light in the dark after I lost Bella. We had a rocky start, but you show me your gratitude every day. Aren’t we lucky to have found each other? There aren’t enough opportunities to do good deeds at my age. We have to take them when they come and yet… was it the right thing to do? Greta, I agreed to take Madi in for the summer. I haven’t seen her since she was a toddler, but Lyle seemed so desperate! Who knows what she’s like now? A thirteen-year-old girl who’s lost her grandmother… one of her primary caretakers. Greta, let’s sit here and enjoy our peace while we can before she arrives.
ReplyDeleteWanders,
Woof!
-- Scottie McW.
blah, blah, blah, blah... Greta... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... Greta... blah, blah, blah... Greta... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... Greta... blah, blah, blah, blah... Greta... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... Bella? blah, blah, blah, blah... Greta... Gary Larson
ReplyDeleteHelenClark
Of all the dog shelters in all the towns in all the world, he walks into mine.
ReplyDeleteI had more exciting conversations with my dog when I was out in public, and that usually was about praising him for "doing his business." I didn't stroll around chatting about my worries with my dog outside, otherwise my neighbors or spouse would have recommended I be institutionalized.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, I think I'm going to print out Saul's monologue and read it whenever I have trouble falling asleep.
“Woof!” translates to a number of things, including, “Why was Lyle so desperate, you chump?! I’m calling the ASPCA and reporting you!”
ReplyDeleteI read the Saul-Greta piece to my dog. Made it to "walk" in the second sentence and that was it. It's a magic word that makes my dog go bananas. Read it to my cat and she remained motionless and heard nothing.
ReplyDeleteLibby would have fallen asleep after the first line.
ReplyDeleteI know we have the blah blah bench but is there also a blah blah rock? In any case, Saul, you might want to move on... soon. Sitting on that cold rock, your... ummm ... you might want to visit the Charterstone pharmacy on your way back to your apartment...
ReplyDeleteI never expected to find myself on Team Libby, but —
ReplyDeleteB. Kliban really had it down. Greta must be bored stiff.
ReplyDeletehttps://desertdemocrat.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/gary-larson-far-side-cartoon-what-we-say-to-dogs-blah-blah-ginger.jpeg