Mary Worth 4135

Fade to black. Please, please, please fade to black.

Mary Worth 4134

Iris's hearing isn't the best. It sounded like he said, "Growing pot."

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Of course, Zak is still young and still wants excitment, so plan to see him fall from high places a lot.

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The secret to a good marriage is a simple wedding. Actually, I kind of agree with that. I've never understood going into debt to get married. Use that money on a down payment for your first house. Or in Zak and Iris's case, a second yacht.

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This is why so many marriages fail today. Couples no longer fall off of lovers' leap to see if they're compatible.

Mary Worth 4130

That's kind of an ominous statement, Iris, considering that you're a widow.

Mary Worth 4129

Elbert Hubbard really sounds like he knows what he's talking about. Sheesh... he sounds like some sort of soap salesman.

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If by a piece of Zak's heart, you mean his bank account, this story suddenly makes a lot more sense.

While you're waiting for the Worthy Award nominations to come out, I want to drop any pretense of snark for a few minutes and share something that put me into the Christmas mood, featuring Hugh Bonneville (Downton Abby) and the Tabernacle Choir. It's a little long, 16 minutes, but I hope this blog hasn't frozen your heart so cold that it can't thaw enough to enjoy this. Merry Christmas.

Mary Worth 4127

No need to be jealous. Nan's upper body strength is nowhere near yours. Plus, her thyroid has absolutely no wonk.

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True. Don't let jealousy and doubt destroy your relationship. However, in this case, Zak's immaturity, lack of respect for Iris's feelings, foolish selfie cliff dancing, and plain ol' idiocy, might.

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"Now you're acting like Wilbur."

Iris definitely needs new friends.

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Wait! You haven't called off the wedding yet? Those aren't jitters! Those are the screams of every rational cell in your brain warning you to get out of this relationship before you find yourself dropping your husband off at daycare on your way to school every morning.

Mary Worth 4123

What are the odds, indeed. As I recall, it was pretty much 50:50. She was either going to be Iris's twin or MUCH more attractive. What we didn't count on was that Zak would regress to his three-year-old self.

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Oh, good. I hope Mary helps. I hate to see these two kids fight. Er, this old lady fight with her kid. Er, fiance who is the same age as her kid.

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"I don't know who I see because I can't tell you apart."

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"But now I barely even think of her. She hardly even crosses my mind."

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Zak, are you implying that you could marry them both? Or they should marry each other? I'm really, really confused right now.

Mary Worth 4118

Zak's inability to listen to Iris's concerns isn't a red flag because Iris is blinded by his rugged good looks, and her need to mother a man the way her son won't allow.

Mary Worth 4117

I'm starting to get some Vertigo vibes here. Be careful, Iris. And avoid bell towers.

Mary Worth 4116

For one brief shining moment, I like Iris again. Now psychoanalyze him, Iris. Do it for all of us.

Mary Worth 4115

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, this happened, and I smiled a little bit.

It made me think of other funny twin commercials:

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I was thinking, maybe the flowers didn't have a reflection, and then I wondered if one of the flowers was actually the reflection. Because I'm almost starting to lose interest in this story. Almost.

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"Zakie's Aura" is the name of Nan's band. Most people mispronounce it.

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If you'd like to know more about what scientists term Cute Aggression and why something is seriously wrong with this picture, watch this video.

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It's like everybody but Zak and Iris know that Nan is Toby's twin, not Iris's. I hope that the Cameron's aren't invited to the wedding. For lots of reasons, actually. But for one reason, the Camerons are much better at peek-a-boo, and it is never polite to upstage the couple at their wedding.

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By all means, worry about the resemblance. Not the fact that his former babysitter is flirtatiously feeding sushi to your fiance. Yes, it is the resemblance that's weird.

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They've only sucked the booze from the parasols' toothpicks and they're already drunker than Wilbur on a jealous rage.

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Iris, I can't believe you've come back to My Thai, the House of Awkward Dates.

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In tonight's episode, Nan will be played by Gwynneth Paltrow.

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Wait a minute... that means Nan graduated college in just five years. I didn't know Santa Royale offered any five-year programs. I thought they were at least 12-year programs, the 20-year degreee being the most popular.

Unless Nan dropped out. Which was the example Zak followed when he dropped out to start his company. He was so impressionable.

Mary Worth 4105

I might have thought Iris hates My Thai after The Incident at My Thai. It was almost as bad as the Incident at Picadee Falls.