Mary Worth 3118

That's twice you've told Estelle that she's selfish. Maybe you ought to say it once more because, you know, three times a charm.

Mary Worth 3117

Don't sound so desperate, Arthur Z. It's not very attractive.

Mary Worth 3116

Overeager isn't the exact word I was thinking.

And a special thank you to all you overeager readers who sent me large sums yesterday. I love you dearly, my pets. If you send me another large sum, I may even be able to come visit!

Mary Worth 3115

Wait... IS Arthur real? Is it unreasonable to think that Estelle could be imagining this whole thing? Is she schizophrenic? Perhaps all the email exchanges and phone calls have just been created in her own malfunctioning mind. If that's the case, where has she been sending her money? I better go check my PayPal account. By the way, you can send your money to my PayPal account, too. I can't promise I'll come visit, but I will send a nice thank you note.

Mary Worth 3114

Menopause has been very kind to Estelle. Puberty was hell.

Mary Worth 3113

It's time for a little sting operation, I'd say. If this story doesn't end with Arthur Z hanging for dear life from the open hatch door of an airborne Cessna 152, then Mary's doing something wrong.

Mary Worth 3112

I admire Arthur Z's commitment to the long con. It's always a risk to hit your mark twice. She might start to think something's up. Or worse, Toby might start to think. Period.

Mary Worth 3111

I admire Arthur Z for playing this through the endgame. Unfortunately for him, Detective Toby Cameron, P.I., is on the case now, and this gives her one more opportunity to do Research.

Mary Worth 3110

Holy chickpeas, woman! Does cooking international cuisine mean buying frozen falafel to you? Arthur Z will be unimpressed!

Mary Worth 3109

And that means cleaning up cat hair and getting rid of the litter box. Libby, you get to be an outdoors cat.

Mary Worth 3109

Brilliant, Karen Moy! You have written yourself out of the plot problem with this story, offering an ironclad explanation. I have no more questions as to why Estelle hasn't video chatted with the man she loves more than life itself, or at least more than $10,000 and her dignity. Estelle is not "up on that kind of thing." Now it all makes perfect sense. And I won't even bother asking why Mary or Toby won't explain it to her; I mean, they're Mary and Toby.

Mary Worth 3107

Poems can be cribbed off the internet, and so can addiction recovery clichés.

Mary Worth 3106

"But his name IS connected to pizza delivery in Goleta, California. Also, his mothers' maiden name is Wontotree, and his social security number is 444-44-4444. He was born January 3, 1975. His first roommate was Charlie Forfife, and his favorite teacher was Mrs. Sickseven. Toby was able to trace his location to a cruise ship in Maui and make a significant withdrawal from his offshore bank account. Here's your $10,000 back, and two grand more for your trouble."

Mary Worth 3105

Now is when Estelle discovers that she doesn't love Arthur for his looks. It's his words. It's classic Cyrano de Bergerac.

Mary Worth 3104

For a moment, I worried that Arthur would have another woman in his hotel room. That would have really devastated Estelle.

Mary Worth 3103

"No, let's tell everyone else instead. She'll find out eventually."

Mary Worth 3102

Or perhaps he IS a professional model, who has made up the fake name Arthur Zerro to make sure the woman he meets isn't just into him because of his fancy name.

Mary Worth 3101

I hate to admit that I learned something today from Toby. Something that makes me very uncomfortable with the Internets.

Mary Worth 3100

In today's exciting installment of the Mary Worth saga:

• Mary enlists Toby Cameron, P.I., to initate meddling waaaaay too late.
• Estelle's lethario reveals a fake last name that's sure to affirm her trust and love.
• Mary confuses George Clooney for Saul Lewman.
• Toby reveals her expertise at Internet stalking.

New song on the jukebox, everybody. Here's the classic MTV version:

Mary Worth 3099

Toby Cameron: Cyber Sleuth.

Mary Worth 3098

Correction, Estelle: You don't have that money anymore.

Correction, Mary: You're judging everyone.

Mary Worth 3097

Of course money from Estelle! Who else would have covered his loss? His employer? His insurance company? Don't you know anything about overseas bureaucracy?

Mary Worth 3096

This morning I felt a little ashamed of how attractive I thought these two elderly widows looked to me. I mean, I thought, they're total babes! Then I spotted the bottle of "Formula 6oo" in Mary's bag and I thought she must be using some magical anti-aging potion. But then I realized, no, I've been doing this since 2007 and although that seems like yesterday, I'm getting a lot older. Thanks, June Brigman, for keeping me feeling alive.