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Wait a minute! Iris Beedie lives at Charterstone? Wilbur and Iris have been dating for nine long years, and we've only seen her once since her son went to prison. I thought she lived in Fresno and the distance made getting together difficult. But, no, one lunch in nine years, and Wilbur calls it a relationship. Of course, for Wilbur, every lunch is a relationship.

For those who need a recap on the Tommy/Iris story from nine years ago, visit Josh's Sunday post at the Comics Curmudgeon and you'll be up to speed in about one minute.

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I don't think I've ever heard Mary Worth sound more menacing than at this particular moment. She softly kisses chin napkin, as if to say, "Forgive me," before unleashing her fury on the poor, pathetic Wilbur Weston.

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Yes, but, Wilbur... what would Mary do if she suddenly had a lot of time on her hands? Please don't take this away from her. Who knows what could happen.

Donate to Mary Worth and Me today and help save Mary's job! (Actually, I have no influence, but maybe I could write a letter to the editor about what is write and what is wrong. Ha ha. Get it? Write? It's a little wordplay.) Today is the last day of our fall fundraising campaign, and I do appreciate all the gifts that have been given. Thank you all very much!

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Wait a minute. That doesn't look like a bologna sandwich to me. That looks like the sandwiches my wife's grandmother used to make... what was that stuff called? Oh yeah, that's it...

Donate today and help save Mary's job!

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I sure can identify with Wilbur's preference for local faire. Last week, Mrs. Wanders and I hopped into our 1993 Oldsmobile (another story for another day) and took the Road to Damascus. The Road to Damascus is one of our favorite drives. Something wonderful always happens along the way. This time, we discovered our new favorite chicken shack, Red Rooster. Hidden away behind the main business strip in Damascus, Maryland, the Red Rooster is a little carry-out chicken shoppe that has been around for decades and definitely puts KFC to shame. We bought enough chicken to bring home and share with the family (it was still warm by the time we got home), and we are definitely going back.

A special thank you to everyone who has contributed during our week of fund raising. Now that Mary's back in Santa Royale, Dr. Jeff is going to be raising a lot less money, and somebody has to pick up the slack! I am convinced that the Citizens of Santa Royale (the readers of this blog), are some of the most generous humans in the galaxy, and that includes Alpha-Gamma 2375-p17.

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Oh, Wilbur, nobody pays any attention to anything you say, so don't worry so much. You're just a buffoon of a fictional character, whose only two human qualities are that you like your daughter and love ham sandwiches.

Once again, it's fund raising week. And trust me. I'm not using the money to run off to Pax Wellness Resort and Spa.

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Kitchen Remodel: It appears Mary's hanging cabinets have fallen from the wall and landed behind her concrete cookbook collection.

Also, Mary has a sandwich on a plate and a cutting board. Two sandwiches. Wilbur's instincts are still sharp.

It's a new story, and it's once again time for me to humbly ask the Citizens of Santa Royale to consider making a small donation to keep the lights on and kelk in the cupboard. Thank you for your participation here at Mary Worth and Me.

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If I were to label the guests and employees at Pax Wellness Resort and Spa in one broad general category, Super-Nice would be exactly the adjective I'd use. From the dimwitted yoga instructor assigned to lead group therapy without training or a license, to the silent administrator who hired her and would have fired her except for the strong will of one opinionated guest, to the building engineers who maintain the facility at just-above-condemned levels, and even the guests like Resentful Mother, Disgruntled Government Employee, and Angry Aggie... yes, I'd say they were all Super-Nice. And Super-Dysfunctional.

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Today is the day we have waited for! And oh so worth the wait! Three floating heads, one of whom I actually recognize. Some things never change, but I guess hair color isn't one of those things.

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That sounds wonderf... Wait a minute! That sounds exactly like home! Beautiful pool. Gorgeous grounds. Daily walks. The only difference is you didn't have Toby tagging along. You're right. That does sound delightful.

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This recent trip that you're still ON?

To help explore the meaning of the word "Recent," here's a video of my kids that is not recent. Not recent at all. But timeless. It lasts less than a minute. If you think it is cute, share it on Facebook and stuff.

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At first I was all like, "A security line at the airport? This is Santa Royale isn't it?" And then I was like, "No, this is Tuscon." That explains a lot: It is only the Santa Royale airport that does not use the TSA.

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I'm having trouble believing it myself. After weeks of grueling endurance hikes in the Arizona desert, carrying the burden of a grieving widow on her shoulders, and advising the naive group therapy instructor, Mary heads home completely refreshed. However, Pax has emptied her pocketbook so thoroughly that it is lighter than air and Mary is having trouble keeping it in her lap.

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For those of you who might be thinking, "Hey, what's a waterfall doing in Tucson, Arizona? That isn't what I was expecting!" I give you this website, which states: "The Tucson area is a waterfall lover's dream."

You see, Mary Worth & Me is a PLACE OF LEARNING.

Yesterday, I had a very special surprise when UPS delivered a package from long time Citizen of Santa Royale, Toots McGee!

Love and Other Stories of Mary Worth is a self published (presumably by King Features or Karen Moy or Uncle Joe) collection of three stories: Anna Tieg: Wannabe Home Wrecker, Aldo Kelrast, and Ice Castles, featuring the Worthy Award winning Lynn Griffin. This book may be the most awesome present anyone has ever given me. Thanks, Toot, for thinking of me. It will hold a place of honor between my nearly complete collection of Peanuts strips and Floyd Gottfredson's Mickey Mouse serials.

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Also, here's to you and your big decision. Awesome sideburns.

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Don't be an Aggie. Accept change. See things differently. I know I do. I see that Mary and Shannon have moved indoors. I also seem to be having some sort of strange, out-of-body experience, where I am looking down from above at their plates that suddenly have food-like images on them, while still feeling as if I'm face-to-face with Shannon and Mary. Sometimes all we need is a CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE!

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Shannon has a hard job. It's harder than it looks to get people to relax on yoga mattresses and talk in circles.

Oh, and you know who else has a hard job? These folks.

I'd post others, but I'm eating breakfast.

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Speaking of change, I'm not nearly as concerned about how quickly the clouds are rolling in as I am that the horizon east of the mountains has suddenly dropped into oblivion.

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Where ever they are going to eat, I hope they serve corned beef hash on Rehash Sundays. I admit that I am looking forward to learning more about what happened. For a while there, I didn't think I'd ever figure it out.

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This is wonderful news! Mary is wearing a suit! It looks like she's packed up her scrubs and is finally heading home. Hurry home, Mary! We can't wait to hear all about your wonderful vacation. And if you're anything like Dawn and Wilbur last year, you're going to have to tell the story over and over and over again.

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We all know that people don't speak this way, but Shannon isn't speaking. She's thinking. And most people do think this way. They also think, "I wonder if Mary is coming back here to Charterstone? We sure do miss her." "I wonder whatever happened to that old dame who had so much advice?" "Ol' whatsername... I almost forgot about her. You know who I'm talking about don't you?" "I've sure raised a lot of money lately for the hospital, why am I suddenly so focused?" and "They're canceling Ask Wendy? Did Wendy die or something?"

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All things in their season. Perhaps next spring.

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