Mary Worth 3981

Okay, now THAT'S funny. This literally made me smile out loud. Mary hopes Dawn will confide in her directly. Her first response: Why hasn't Dawn spoken to me about this? I think it's time to get out the muffin pans.

I know the building panel could be added to the recycle bin having been used just yesterday, but I will allow the reuse of exteriors since they are solid objects that shouldn't move, and June shouldn't have to redraw them every time. Of course, there is the question of the doves. My only explanation is that only a short time has lapsed so the doves wouldn't have moved that much anyway.

Mary Worth 3980

"No, Jared, I don't. But you could try talking to my boyfriend, Jeff."

Mary Worth 3979

Nice guy-liner, Keith Richards.

Mary Worth 3978

No, no, by all means, get into details. We'd love to review past interactions. It's kind of expected around here.

Mary Worth 3977

"I wish she would admit she was the one who was wrong. I'm sure that will really help our friendship."

Mary Worth 3976

"I haven't had the pleasure, Jared, of being so informed. But does this have anything to do with that beautiful assault victim I saw you hitting on?"

Mary Worth 3975

It is terribly important that any couple that breaks up become great friends because it is never awkward and a real sign of maturity to want to hang out with your ex-lover all the time. Incredibly mature. Like Cathy. And Jared. I'm sure Jess would love it if Dawn and Jared get together as friends a lot.

Mary Worth 3974

Oh my word. Let's get a move on, Jared, and move ON. Move ON!

Mary Worth 3973

First Cathy sounds like Mary Worth. Now she sounds like Jared. Come on, Cathy, get your own thing.

Mary Worth 3972

No, Dawn, he certainly didn't think he was on Jeopardy. You were there. That would have been his first clue.

I haven't quite figured out the best way to celebrate recycling on a strip, but perhaps like this:

Mary Worth 3971

Cathy, stop it! Stop it! Stop giving good advice. It just isn't allowed. You are way out of your league around here and you are totally messing things up. Before you know it, the Worthiverse will collapse in on itself like a giant star that's completed its raison d'être.

Mary Worth 3970

Oh, Cathy, in the Worthiverse, only Mary Worth may give advice. And it cannot be good advice. You don't belong here, I'm afraid. While you've mastered Mary's smug "I told you so," your advice made sense and should not have been dispensed in the first place. I fear your character may be killed off unless you can learn to mind your own business.

Mary Worth 3969

Ah, the old "Am I Hideous" test. It's the classic that never lies.

Mary Worth 3968

You'll have ample opportunity to pay her back, Jared, after she gets her hospital bill.

Mary Worth 3967

I hope he is back home in the parking lot. Because if he's still on the 101, this is just negligent.

Mary Worth 3966

Keep going, Jess! And going and going and going and going and going and going... The eight-month rental on this house we don't need won't be a problem at all.

Mary Worth 3965

"It would be inappropriate for me to come up to your bedroom... oh, wait a minute, I already have!"

Technically, of course, her bedroom is at her house a couple of blocks away. But her sister felt it would make wise financial sense to rent a house in town.

Mary Worth 3964

"I feel a little guilty for dumping my ex so I could see you. I mean, we'd only dated seriously for two years, but still, I can't help feeling partially responsible."

Mary Worth 3963

Definite Mary Worth meddling vibes here. It's been a while since we've had a good face touch. This one is great. It violates so many ethical codes. "Sniff."

Mary Worth 3962

"You're beautiful! You're way hotter than my last girlfriend. Did I mention that I dumped her just to go out with you?"

Mary Worth 3961

"There's no use trying to make sense of it." The first rule of all great writing.

PSA: Remember, today is free Slurpee day.

Mary Worth 3960

This is serious stuff. I shouldn't make any jokes about this kind of crime. But as Jess told her story, who among us did not think of this classic Mary Worth moment?

Mary Worth 3959

Oh, Jared can be very persuasive. That's why he and Dawn are such good friends.

Mary Worth 3958

Perfect. A secluded spot where no one can hear Jared's nose getting punched by a jealous boyfriend's fist.

Mary Worth 3957

Uh-oh. This relationship has been nothing BUT red flags, but this is the biggest one of all: Jared is not a DC Comics fan. He's Marvel all the way. I'm guessing Jess and Jared's relationship is going to be as successful as Halle Berry in Catwoman.

Mary Worth 3956

It's such a flirty moment when two ditzy people who obviously are woo-woo for each other call each other by their first and last names. The next level in the relationship will be last names only, "Hey, Mylo," "Hey, Bender." The mock intimacy is adorable. I can guarantee that Jared never called Dawn, "Weston."

Mary Worth 3955

Maybe if things don't go so well with Jess, they can just be friends and Jared can date Tess instead.

Mary Worth 3954

I woke up this morning super excited to see how Jared's phone call to Jess was going to go, but I guess I have to wait another day while we commemorate the Declaration of Independence of the United States in 1776. It's okay, I needed a break anyway.

Everyone have a safe and happy Independence Day, at least those who live in the United States, celebrating our never-ending pursuit of liberty for all people.

Mary Worth 3953

You FEEL terrible, Jared? You LOOK terrible, too! What happened? You look like you broke your heart AND started taking heroine.

Mary Worth 3952

Yes, Jared, cats have it easier, but they don't live as long, they pee in a sandbox, and they can't drive a car... Wait a minute! I forgot about Toonces, the Driving Cat!

Hearing Phil Hartman's voice-over makes me happy and sad. I loved Phil Hartman. When he was on SNL, he sent me this photo:

Mary Worth 3951

If you're too young to remember Henrietta Pussycat, here's a link. But if you're too young to remember Henrietta Pussycat, really, why are you reading Mary Worth?