The last thing Dawn needs is an old lady like Mary Worth bossing her around while she's busy chillaxing with her young peeps. Her homeys would be like, "Gag me with a spoon. We are TEENS!"
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Mary Worth 1,420
Ghost pie. Delicious, but awkward. Dawn's fork has gone missing, and now her plate is starting to split apart. Her only option is to hold things together with her thumb.
Want to see something ironic?
http://maryworthandme.blogspot.com/2012/05/mary-worth-1313.html
Friday, September 28, 2012
Mary Worth 1,419
Dawn's sort of a one-inspiring-guy-at-a-time kind of girl, so I think Mary's hypnotic efforts to remind Dawn that she's committed to two shifts a week for college credit seems like a lost cause.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Mary Worth 1,417
If what Jim loves is teaching carpentry, the hospital appears to be hiring some first grade carpenters to build their park benches.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Mary Worth 1,416
Fight on and on ye Local men
Sons of Local fathers
We will win again
Keep your spirits high
Never bow a knee
We will fight till victory
Fight on and on ye Local men
Proudly raise your banners high
For it's the Pink and Mauve
Hail to our team
Santa Royale Locals fight!
(My apologies to SDSU.)
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Mary Worth 1,415
I know we've spent a lot of time focusing on Jim's missing arm, but I think his missing legs are the even greater tragedy. They haven't shown it yet, but Jim has a giant spring coming out of the bottom of his torso that he hops around on.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Mary Worth 1,414
Volunteer duty? What volunteer duty?
Today marks the sixth anniversary of Aldo Kelrast driving off a cliff. As one relationship begins, it's nice to contemplate how another one ended.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Mary Worth 1,413
Woah. Horse Face. Jim panics and excuses himself from the conversation as quickly as possible. He's pretty good, but it's obvious he'll never speak to her again.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Mary Worth 1,412
QUEST COMPLETE!
Let's count the ways Dawn's life has become more meaningful: 1) She has volunteered for college credit at the hospital for almost an entire hour. 2) She has successfully completed the volunteer orientation program. 3) She has had a conversation with a person who is different than herself.
Can life get any more meaningful than that?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Mary Worth 1,411
Ha ha ha ha! Of course, the couple in the back still mourn the loss of their child when their yacht was struck by a squid caught in a net with a mine. Maritime disasters aren't always hilarious.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Mary Wort 1,410
"Everyone has something wrong with them. For instance, Dawn, you have a snaggle tooth and wooden hair."
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Mary Worth 1,408
Quoting the mother of female erotica is one way to open up this story of a young neophyte volunteering at the hospital, and meeting One Armed Jim. But I can't say that I actually approve.
The next panel is only included because it features a person of color, which happens about once every two years in this strip and is definitely worth noting.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Mary Worth 1,407
Do you have any idea how humiliating it is for someone as excruciatingly handsome as myself to submit to physical therapy?
Friday, September 14, 2012
Mary Worth 1,406
"Please, help me... I'm being held here against my will. A mad scientist is conducting experimental studies in cyborg technology. I'm a prisoner... Please. Help."
Okay, true story: Last week I contracted poison ivy for the first time in my life. Both my arms are still covered with rashes. However, on Tuesday afternoon my arm started to swell and turn red, and on Wednesday morning, I said to my wife, "I think I need to see the doctor. I don't want to lose my arm." I was joking of course.
But thoughts of Jim circulated in my head.
While I sat in the doctor's waiting room, I read a story about Monte Irvin who played baseball for the New York Giants. When he was a teenager, he developed an infection in his arm, and the doctor was going to remove it, but his mother called on God and his arm was saved, and ultimately, so were the Giants.
When the doctor saw my arm, he gave me some shots and prescribed some medication but told me if it didn't start to get better by the morning, he was going to send me to the ER. "You don't want to lose your arm." He was dead serious.
I was thinking about the NPR story I recently heard about the Olympian archer without any arms.
Trust me... I was up most the night thinking of Monte Irvin and Jim and archery and my arm. I was thinking about how I'd have to wear Velcro shoes, and wouldn't be able to play the ukulele. I was having some long talks with God. But yesterday, I saw the doctor, and while my arm is still a bit swollen, it was doing much better and thanks to God and the wonders of modern medicine, my arm is saved!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Mary Worth 1,405
"Help yourself. Because if there's one thing I've learned as an One Armed Man, it's that you can't expect people to do everything for you. You've got to be independent. Daddy won't always be there to solve your problems for you..."
Now, what do you think the moral of this story will be?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Mary Worth 1,404
Lucky day indeed! And you'll have a lot to talk about if that gentleman's arm was bitten off by a shark while swimming ashore from a sinking ship.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Mary Worth 1,403
When Dawn rounds the corner and smacks into her first love, it'll a good thing her tray is empty. Unfortunately, it's still shiny metal, which should make quite a loud clatter when it hits the floor.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Mary Worth 1,401
Aww, the meaningful life, leaning over the veranda, watching the boys sailing their boats.
Yet, there is something very lovely about this panel. It invoked a memory. I immediately flashed back to my childhood, lying on the deep shag of my parents' living room carpet, reading the Sunday comics. Peanuts, Blondie, The Wizard of Id. I didn't have a care in the world. No responsibilities, no stressful pressures demanding my time, just a vague sense that I was the most important person in the world.
I was just like Dawn.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Mary Worth 1,400
Mary's scarf has been scaring me for a couple of days now. I mean what happens to her head if you untie that tourniquet? Does it fill with blood so fast that it explodes, or does it just fall off her neck?
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Mary Worth 1,399
You're gonna need some shoulder straps if you're going to volunteer at the hospital, Dawn. So, that's probably out, for at least one panel. And, what if Dave asks you out or something... no, I don't think the hospital is gonna work.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Mary Worth 1,398
If only all the teenagers in America had the opportunity to have a near death experience and realize it was worse than breaking up. With Dave.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Mary Worth 1,397
August 12, 2012 -- CLIMAX: Dawn and Wilbur finally stand on dry ground, and contemplate how their lives have been changed by their experiences aboard the sinking vessel.
August 13 - 19, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT: Mary Worth, Toby and Ian Cameron discuss their friends' remarkable rescue from the sinking vessel.
August 20 - 25, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART II: Wilbur and Dawn have dinner with Mary and discuss how silly she feels for being so silly about Dave breaking up with her. Also people were brutal and people were helpful aboard the sinking vessel.
August 26 - 29, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART III: Wilbur and J. Jonah Jameson discuss Wilbur's experiences aboard the sinking vessel, and plan a news story about his experiences.
August 29 - September 2, 2012 -- DENOUEMENT PART IV: Mary writes an advice column about overcoming tragedy, and allowing life's hardships transform us into people who help each other.
September 3 - ??? -- DENOUEMENT PART V: Mary and Dawn discuss Dawn's experience aboard the sinking vessel, and how people pulled together to help each other.
Because all really great stories include AT LEAST five scenes of denouement.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Mary Worth 1,396
We've seen some pretty exciting keyboards in this week's chapter of our thrilling Life is Brutal story. I thought I'd gather them all up in one place just so I could reminisce. I don't know about you, but I've thoroughly enjoyed watching Mary and Wilbur type on these things.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Mary Worth 1,395
I've worked so hard to give you order, to establish an existence of continual bliss and prosperity. If you, my minions, do not adhere to the Mary Worth creed, your species will cease to exist. I am Mary Worth. You are mine. You must obey.