Mary Worth 716

Well, it appears the Johnsons? have done their best to avoid eye contact and unnecessary conversation during the meal as they were warned. It may be working; Mary is showing signs of stress, and has started to eat the linens.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 715

Mary Worth, the ultimate WASP, has left an empty chair for Elijah the Prophet. Happy Passover everybody.

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Mary Worth 714

"Like roast chicken? We LOVE it! In fact, we had roast chicken on our first date, and it is the first meal I prepared for Ernie after our wedding. Oh, wait, did you way roast chicken? I thought you said, 'tuna casserole.' I was expecting you to say 'tuna casserole.' Yeah, roast chicken is fine."

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Mary Worth 713

Mary Worth has really been struggling to find a date for her dinner party with the Johnsons, who seem like such nice people. I mean, Bonnie? Bonnie Johnson? has so many nice clothes. But Jeff is busy and Toby is busy painting!

I'm so sorry that I missed posting on the one and only day we get to see Toby and her art. Remember, she specializes in miniatures, so she's really been branching out painting giant clowns. I think the placement of the painting in this image symbolizes the inner voice that always speaks in Toby's head, her inner-guide if you will: "Hi KIDZ! Yuk-yuk-yuk! HI-HO! How would YOU like a BALLOON ANIMAL!?? Jeepers Willikers! Let's give away our identity for fun! Yuk-yuk-yuk!"

Yesterday's Full Strip

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Mary Worth 712

Oh, Bonnie, you with your two giant Marcy's bags filled to the brim, while Mary Worth has only one humble bag with a simple blouse to return - a bag so humble and shy that it is actually hiding. Bonnie, when will you overcome this compulsive shopping addiction? Will you ever give up the credit card and save your marriage? How much longer can this go on? I'm guessing three months.

What's in your Marcy's bag?

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Thanks, Chester, for this awesome photo of the Santa Royale Mall:

Mary Worth 711

Noticing all the business casual wear at the Charterstone pool party, Mary Worth suddenly remembers she has to return a blouse and quickly disapperates to the back corner of Marcy's Department Store. It's good to know Mary doesn't support such small-town destroying companies like Santaroymart.

Mary Worth 710

This can mean only one thing: Doctor Drew "I'm a Doctor" Corey, M.D., has returned from Vietnam. For those of you worried that Mary Worth has been relegated to sitting poolside at the annual pool party and making obvious observations on the residents of Charterstone, never fear -- If there's one person's private affairs Mary Worth can't resist, it's Doctor Drew Corey, M.D.'s.

I had to endure Kurt Evans, the Almost Son, to make me appreciate the Return of Doctor Drew Corey, M.D.

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Mary Worth 709

I want to know the back story here. Kurt gets his old lady pregnant (hard to tell, but I think that may be a baby bump) and runs off just like his free spirited mom. Kurt toys with the idea of starting his own resort (Evansville Resort?) and making a fortune, but ultimately decides to track down his dead mother's old boy friend. He spends three months taking a crash course in parenting. They fish, they frolic, and spend hours talking about his restless uneasiness. When it's all over Kurt feels confident that if someone like Wilbur who pulls down $25k a year writing an advice column under a female pseudonym could make such a wonderful father, maybe he could too. He returns to his old lady's pad where she either welcomes him with open arms or shoves him out the door, and they make ham and Wonder bread sandwiches together for three months before Kurt wanders off again. He hooks up with Delilah Jonis, who has also wandered off again, and Kurt raises her baby instead.

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Mary Worth 708

Kurt Evans' Email: Day 4

You know, I kind of feel sorry for Kurt. If only things had turned out differently. If only Abby had been faithful to Wilbur. If only Wilbur had married Abby instead of Dawn's mother. Than neither Kurt nor Dawn would have been born. Yes, Kurt, that would have been much better.

I know, we've all been commenting for three months now on this alternate chain of events that apparently would have made everyone so much happier. So this post doesn't really say anything new. But the story hasn't said anything new since Wilbur donated blood for a paternity test, so I really don't feel badly.

It appears that Dawn has snuck one of her Dance Dance Revolution songs onto the Charterstone Jukebox. Let's see how long before the Condo Board realizes it and takes it down.

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Oh, and everyone is pretty upset that I didn't post yesterday's awesome panel, so here it is:

Mary Worth 707

Kurt's Email: Day 2

Kids, be warned. Free spiritedness may look fun now, but it will lead you down a dark, dead-end road where you sit pathetically for years under the yellow glow of a blinking, humming streetlamp, longingly looking at scrapbooks of the good ol' days with the one that got away: a bald, overweight, ham sandwich gulping moron. And then you die.

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Mary Worth 706

This week is going to be excellent. We'll get to read Kurt's email all week long. Already he's revealed that he knew Martin Clark was his father. Was anybody else as surprised by that revelation as I was? I hope he mentions how much he enjoyed the good times he spent with Wilbur. Perhaps he'll even mention fishing. If he uses the word "bonding," I think I will just weep for joy. Please use the word "bonding" Kurt! Please. This is going to be wonderful.

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Mary Worth 705

No, Wilbur, it wasn't your fault at all. Martin got her pregnant while she was dating you. Doesn't that make you feel just a whole lot better? Have another sandwich.

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Mary Worth 704

Abby, oh, Abby. No wonder Wilbur loved her in a way no ham and Wonder bread sandwich ever could. After all, she was a free spirit. And restless. And proud. And pregnant with his rival's child. It's a good thing he has so many copies of the Beatles' White Album to wash away his tears, Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.

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Mary Worth 703

"A beautiful free spirit with an inner-tube on her head."

Here's more from a beautiful free spirit. If this were in English, I'd add it to the Charterstone Jukebox. But, sadly, it isn't in English.



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Mary Worth 702

Dawn is casting some sort of evil spell to help Wilbur forget the awkward sequence of events when Abby broke up with Wilbur knowing she was pregnant with Martin's child. "Every time you think of Abby, you will immediately eat a ham and Wonder bread sandwich, and you will feel loved."

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Mary Worth 701

If suspecting what the results would be was reason for leaving, we all would have taken off weeks ago!

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Mary Worth 700

Yesterday, Dawn nearly scraped the ceiling with her scalp, today Wilbur has already banged his head on the door jamb. The Weston trademarked elasticity is both a blessing and a curse.

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Mary Worth 699

First, he doesn't have that Weston trademarked elasticity that allows them to change height and girth at will (watch out for the asbestos ceiling tiles overhead Dawn). Second, had he actually been your son, this story would have suddenly become surprisingly interesting which would have been an extremely unfortunate turn of events.

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Mary Worth 698

I am going to cry when Wilbur learns Kurt isn't his son. This is going to be ABSOLUTELY heart wrenching! Oh, Dawn, Wilbur still loves you and he needs you now more than ever! Be there for him. Wipe the manly ham-scented tears from his cheeks. Oh, if only we all could have a Dawn in our lives, to hide painful information from us, but then to be there with cookies and Kleenexes when our little chests collapse into the hollow space that once was our heart.


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Mary Worth 697

I'm not surprised to learn the Westons have received correspondence from the medical lab; I have corresponded with our local medical lab for years. They are delightful and compose the most marvelous letters. I save them in a box marked "Correspondence" that I have decorated with stickers of hearts and kittens and beakers.

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Mary Worth 696

No, Wilbur, those are your pants. Kurt was a person. The DNA test proved that. You and Kurt were very close, but that's no reason to confuse him with your pants.

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