Mary Worth 584

Adrian, who lives in Santa Royale, California, where nothing EVER happens, is so thrown by her colleague's declaration that her brain has emitted a tiny question mark fart.

Mary Worth 583

The suspense is KILLING me!! Who is that yet-to-be-named officer on the gurney? Hewlett or Miller? Please let it be Hewlett because I really care about him. I'll be so much happier if Miller is the one who already died. That guy was a moron.

I'm sorry I missed posting yesterday, when we actually saw Adrian doing doctor stuff. It was an historic moment, but we took the kids on a trip to Gettysburg. Hard to know which historic moment is the most significant, but with all due respect to Mary Worth, I'm going to go with Gettysburg. By the way, if you haven't visited in the last few years, the new museum is absolutely amazing!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 582

300 pounds? My guess is that's like $15 million on the street. But I'd think you might want more than a van load of six cops on job like that. At least they arranged for backup after the shooting stopped.

Now, will Adrian be able to perform the life saving surgery? I'm starting to weep already.

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Mary Worth 581

These are the moments that mean the most. Nothing quite like a drug raid as it winds down. Hanging out with the boys. The casual conversation as you slap the cuffs on the drug lords. Makes it all worth while. Too bad about the Mets, though.

I bet you're wondering how they did it, how the cops won despite being out numbered and out gunned. Remember when the drug cartel was running out that open warehouse door to freedom? Turns out, that was all part of the plan. The giant door was a cleverly executed fake door painted onto the back wall of the warehouse. The drug cartel hit solid cinder block at full speed and knocked themselves out cold.

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Mary Worth 580

Hold on. Wait a moment. Let's be certain. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Blue uniform. Umpire's chest proector. Hand gun. Mock turtleneck. Well, it certainly looks like Scott. Okay then. NOOOOooooOOO! I think. NOOooooOOOO!

Operation H-Town is a smashing success.

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Mary Worth 579

Nooo, not Scott's Colleague! He has so much to live for! He just recently became engaged. Oh, Scott's Colleague, don't die. Don't die! Your lovely fiance, Eva, will never find solace should you leave her a lonely widow-to-be for the rest of her life. Get Scott's Colleague's wounded body down to Mountview Hospital immediately. Hopefully, Eva is on duty and can save him.

The saddest part of this whole situation is that clearly Scott's Colleague has been shot in the back by Scott's Other Colleague.

Today's Full Strip

Happy Aldo Kelrast Day!

Oddly enough, last year I also nearly missed Aldo Kelrast Day due to illness. But Edgar the Bug reminded me when he wrote in his comments "This is the best and most action packed strip since Aldo drove off the cliff," which actually happens to be exactly three years ago today. Coincidence? I think not. Especially when you remember that it is also the anniversary of Oceanic Flight 815's mysterious disappearance. I'm sure that Aldo, Scott, Flight 815 and my health are all some sort of huge conspiracy.

Mary Worth 578

Even Dick Tracy is embarrassed.

Joe, you're drawing the wrong strip! Nice work today.

Be sure to read your secret messages by holding your cursor over each image.

I've added the Dragnet Theme to the Charterstone Jukebox. Enjoy!

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 577

Holy mackerel! That's a lot of guns. This story is going to kill property values in Santa Royale. What the heck is happening to this town? It used to be such a peaceful place. Now it's full of gun toting drug cartels, stalkers, and confidence men.

However, if the heroine is being delivered in Virgin Mary statues, then we're really in trouble. We've been overrun by the Dharma Initiative.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 576

Some might argue, Scott, that both options are the same. Either way, I'm sure you'll be in your true love's arms soon enough, but probably not for very long.

Thanks, everyone for your concerns. I am not quite well yet. But I've taken your advice and upped my antibiotics regimen.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 575

While most of these heroic officers spend the drive time to the warehouse writing last-minute emails to their family or gazing at photos of their loved ones, Good ol' Shoot-em-Up Texas Magee gets his automatic handgun ready to blow away hisself some heroine cartellers. Scum bags. If this gets violent, we know where to lay the blame.

I hope no one gets hurt. I really do. Yesterday, I was in the bathroom and I fainted. I've been sick, and I was lightheaded, and I passed out from a painful cramp. Mrs. Wanders tried to catch me and kept me from crashing headfirst onto the tile. Instead, I landed on the bathroom scale and cut up my head a bit. Judging from where the needle on the scale is now permanently stuck, my head weighs 40 pounds. Mrs. Wanders woke me and sat me up against the wall. She was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't say anything... I was just zoned. I can remember wanting to tell her something, but I couldn't really say or do anything... finally, I squeaked out something like "I love you..." If I had died at that moment, it would have been very dramatic. But fortunately, I lived.

I hope that when Scott is lying in his own gore and squeaks out, "I love you..." he lives too. In my experience, it is better to forget about the drama, and live instead.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 574

Fortunately, the Santa Royal Drug Cartel publishes a first-rate newsletter, Cartel Update, including not only the location of their shakedown, but a very handy floor plan of their hide-out/ballroom dance club.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 573

Oh, sheesh. Excellent timing, Adrian. The question is, when he sees your love for him, will he die anyway?

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Mary Worth 572

When was the last time a single woman flashed her new diamond ring your way, and you asked if congratulations were in order? Duh. You just say, "Congratulations." But as always, Mary knows exactly what to ask. "Are congratulations in order, or are you just wearing this ring without actually making a commitment to your boyfriend because you're a lonely psychopath who enjoys the added finger weight?"

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 571

"Oh, Eva, did you see my new engagement ring? Isn't it boss? No, I'm not engaged... yet! But someday I will be, if only Scott makes it through my shift. If they wheel him in tonight with multiple gunshot wounds, I'll have to operate on my own fiance-to-be. I better brush up on my surgery... it's been so long since I've done any hospital-ing."

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 570

Oh, no, not Detective Miller. That guy is the most incompetent white male in the precinct. I'd say Hewlett's fate is pretty much sealed at this point.

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Mary Worth 569

Yes, Scott, but the last time Adrian gambled on love, she lost $50,000, not to mention any shred of self respect she might have still possessed.

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Mary Worth 568

Ha! Ha! "The rest of our lives." Ha! Ha! Irony always adds to the comedy.

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Mary Worth 567

"...Except for $50,000. That, of course, is definitely not with me."

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Mary Worth 566

I have a policy: Never criticize a marriage proposal. Whether it takes place on bended knee at her apartment on Valentine's Day before heading out to dinner on a riverboat followed by opening night of "Wayne's World" (that's how Wanders did it), or in a vinyl booth at La Rosa, marriage proposals are special and say something about the way a man feels about his potential bride.

One year ago, I was having dinner by myself at the classy restaurant atop the Space Needle in Seattle. The tables were packed together and I was sitting on a bench right next to a couple. The waiter brought them dessert in a bowl overflowing with fog from dry ice. The boyfriend reached into the foggy dessert and pulled out a ring. He got down on his knee and proposed. She emotionally accepted. Everyone else was pretty uncomfortable. I, of course, had to be the first to congratulate them since his foot was under my leg while he was kneeling. But the proposal meant a lot to her and they'll never forget it.

What will Adrian never forget? Based on her line of sight, I say she's never going to forget the coffee cup that levitated itself off the table's edge when Scott opened the box with the magical radiating ring inside.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 565

Ah, La Rosa, where they always serve an entire stick of butter and a giant bowl of sugar with your coffee.

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Mary Worth 564

It will be so sad when Scott develops a heroin addiction. But, alas, those are the risks he takes in his job.

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Mary Worth 563

"Anything goes men (and lady). Not only is the use of unnecessary force authorized. It's encouraged. Now go do some paperwork for two weeks."

Mary Worth 562

Oh my gosh! There's gonna be a SHAKEDOWN?? In Santa Royale? An actual SHAKEDOWN? In a few weeks! Granted, that's a lot of fine planning by the SRPD, but it'll be worth it. An actual shakedown. This is unbelievable! No, I mean it. It's unbelievable.

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Mary Worth 561

Jeff actually looks like he's setting up some kind of cheesy joke: "I like Scott, except for one thing: He's a man! Otherwise, I'd marry him myself!" But I'm sure once Jeff get's his head out of the clouds, he'll find lots of things not to like about Scott Hewlett!

• His hands feel soft and puffy when he shakes.
• His belt never matches his slacks.
• He keeps his Kleenex in a flowered cozy.
• He cries too much.
• He isn't Scott Hewlett the ink-jet printer heir. He's the other Scott Hewlett.
• His Smartcar.
• He eats too many Fun-yuns before he comes over.

The list could go one. I'd love to hear what you think the One Thing is that Jeff doesn't like, or any of the millions of things you think are worthy of the list.

Mary Worth 560

I love Mary's look. "That's your good news? After several months of dating, they're getting along well? My condo is so crooked I need a new curio cabinet each week just to keep my plates from falling to the floor, and the best thing you got is you had lunch with your daughter and her boyfriend? Well, la-di-DA."