Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Mary Worth 252

Right now, every man who reads Mary Worth (and, yes, there are millions of us), is thinking, "That's how you end a relationship! No tears, no vindictiveness, no Ex-lax brownies on the doorstep." But, guys, you forget how Mary broke up with Jeff Corey; you forget that Mary Worth is the most psychotic of all comic strip characters - more so than Jon Arbuckle or Ziggy, or even that dog in Peanuts. You forget that she's showing up at the next town council meeting dressed in that pink hot pants outfit, waving a carving knife. So before you start thinking you wished every woman you dated was like Mary Worth, take a good hard look at the teary-eyed Bum Boat Bum, Jeff Corey, alone at a table for one, muttering to himself with a shiny string of spittle running down to the edge of his cocktail glass.

Today's Full Strip

10 comments:

jvwalt said...

Mary's smile says "friendly goodbye," but her eyes shriek "REVENGE!!!" Ron had better be wearing Kevlar for a while.

shandyowl said...

Stay in touch? Yeah, sure...we can still be friends...whatever.

And when Mary takes Jeff back our happy ending will be complete...until Ron is photographed enjoying a seafood dinner with his blonde secretary. The Amalfis aren't done with family funerals just yet.

Nathan said...

Well...bye-bye, Ron. You never really had a chance, did you? Sure, you were doing pretty well for a while there; going on hot dates with Mary Worth, driving Jeff to jealousy... But now, thanks to your lack of interest in seafood and sailing, and your bizarre schedule, you've managed to get yourself forever consigned to the dump heaps of Mary's long-forgotten victims, including such luminaries as Aldo Kelkrast, Chester the Dog, and Drew Corey. Just be happy that you escaped with your life...there are many more who can't say the same.

Of course, if what Wanders says is true, you may not be that lucky, after all...but, in that case, it's bye-bye to you as well. If Mary has decided to go for revenge here, this may in all probability be the last time we see you alive.

Bye!

Anonymous said...

Exactly when did you suffer brain trauma?

Lindsey said...

Only someone as crazy as Arbuckle would be wishing they dated Mary Worth.

What I want to know is, how is it that DOCTOR Jeff Corey has time to go on all these dates with Mary and go sailing, when Ron, who is just a city councilman, doesn't? Isn't Jeff ever on call? Doesn't he ever have to cancel or leave a date at the last minute, being a DOCTOR and all? You'd think he was even busier than Ron.

People get sick at all hours. But what kind of city council constantly has meetings going on at dinner time?

shandyowl said...

Wait! Has Ron suddenly cooled on Mary because he has been bumped off and replaced by Richie? Nobody ever could tell the difference between those two.

Anonymous said...

But what about Ron's protracted grief?

Anonymous said...

Mary is happy because she can once again turn all her meddling and controlling attention back to one man. One man that she already knows exactly which buttons to push and which weakness to exploit. None of that awkward feeling your way around a new victim to discover the frailties to prey upon.

manz said...

Lindsey--a doctor as eminent as Dr. Jeff Corey (who knows a thing or two about wider courses of antibiotics) does not need to be on call. He has regular hours and leaves all of the after-hour suffering to lowlier shempies.

Ethel Mertz said...

Mary is one crafty playah! Holing up in her apartment for several weeks (or one-to-two days in a Worthian tesseract), she sifts through phone calls, answering machine messages and memories, while cross-referring it all simultaneously to her "Who Will Be My Favorite Countertenor" database!