I WANT to apologize, but I can't! How could I, after what you did?
New song on the Charterstone Jukebox: "She's Out of My Life" by Michael.
That's right, Ian. Toby doesn't want to talk on the phone. That's why she ran away and tried to hide from you. So she wouldn't have to talk to you on the phone. It had nothing to do with the fact that you got held up at work! Where you get paid! How dare you. Of all the nerve.
I don't know whose side I'm on anymore, but it isn't Ian's, or Toby's, or Mary's. If you need me I'll be at Wilbur's eating ham sandwiches.
Is Toby actually working? ...Of course, she's got the easy job: putting dishes in the cupboard. The one job you never let guests do. There's just too much insanity today. It's almost as if Mary's counters are all DIFFERENT HEIGHTS! What's going on around here?
The light slowly starts to dawn on poor Ian. Curse those naysayers. They said, "Nay, you're incompatible, you're different. Ian's a sophisticate, an intellectual man of action, and Toby's a spoiled rotten debutante. Nay, nay, nay. Ian is a popular professor, and Toby spends her days making clay animals and painting clowns. Ian works hard for a living every day, while Toby lounges poolside with the retirees." Maybe it is time to start listening to those naysayers, Ian.
Actually, Ian has prepared himself the most appetizing meal I've ever seen in this comic strip. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and French fries. You don't usually serve two potato dishes, but tonight comfort food is justified.
Ian might get used to this being alone thing.
"Yes, I know how sensitive you are. Every payday, you blow up when Ian tells you he got paid. If Ian says, 'I'm off to work. See you tonight,' you rush over here begging for alcohol. And at night, when he says, 'Honey, I'm home,' the entire building can hear you screaming, 'Stop rubbing it in my face! I know! You work!'"
The condo board wishes to thank Toots McGee for recommending Sh-Boom by the Crew Cuts for the Charterstone Jukebox, and congratulates him once again for winning our most recent Not-A-Real-Contest contest.
"He threw the money card at me and said I'd reached my limit. I didn't know what he meant, so I took the magical money card to Maisie's department store, and they also said I'd reached my limit. I stared at them blankly for a few minutes with my jaw hanging open, and then I came here, Mary. Oh, Mary. I'm so confused. Apparently, I've reached my limit, and I don't know what to do."
Yesterday, there was some speculation that this story line could result in the Cameron's having a baby. May I submit the following?
Okay, I'm not really going to say anything. Nothing has to be said. This just filled me with jubilant glee, as I hope it did you. There is so much Mary Worth perfection here, and the frosting on the cake is that Toby is moving in with Mary who lives just down the hall, even though she told Ian not to try to find her. Oh, this will be fun, fun, fun!
I'm sure Hilton Berkes will appreciate a nice bouquet.
I know everyone has been waiting three weeks to find out who won our most recent Not-a-Real-Contest contest. Sorry for all the suspense. I was traveling, and it was hard to assemble the Condo Board to evaluate. The winner is Toots McGee for his submission: "Three words: Kites Are Fun!" Of course, Toots McGee knows that Kites are Fun was once the most popular song on the Charterstone Jukebox, and still very loved by the Condo Board. Congratulations, Toot. Send me an email and let me know what song you'd like to add to the Jukebox.
"We are so done. I meant it when I called you a boorish pig. Did I say pig? I don't remember, but I should have. Anyway, I'm not coming back. There's a box of Splak on the counter. You won't starve if that's what you're worried about.
"P.S. There's a vase under the sink for your pathetic bouquet."
I wanted to thank Santa Royale citizen "Daffodil" for pointing out some strips from Jeff and Mary's first date in 1996. It didn't go well. He took her to the Bum Boat and, well, meh. But given our fascination with Ian's AstroTurf sports coat, I thought you might enjoy his cotton ball sweater.
It's that crazy magician student, levitating his homework again. Sure it's impressive, but nobody likes a kiss up.
Speaking of college, we took our son to college last week. We flew out to California, and spent three weeks visiting family in three different states, then dropped him off, and I drove back in a used car I bought (a regular car, not a peanut mobile). We took a few photographs of our wonderful country. Please enjoy:
I'm kind of into roadside attractions.
Whaaaaht?? Toby's on her way out the door? I got home yesterday after driving across the country, and I feel like I'm walking into the middle of something. Toby and Ian, splitting up? The only marriage in the Worthiverse that we've actually observed past the wedding day, and this is what happens?
"Dear Ian, we are so done. Love, the woman who stands in front of you for all of our portraits. P.S. Please remember to take Fido's ashes for a walk."