"Wilbur... let me make something clear, and I really can't repeat this enough. I wore my most flirtations pink pants tonight because I want you to understand. Even though it's a buyers' market in the big city of Santa Royale, I thought it would be best to live in the same building as my ex-boyfriend so I can concentrate on my classes at Local University and my adult ex-con son. Now please walk me home, but don't get any ideas, handsome."
The Goethe Gauntlet has been thrown:
Iris: The soul that sees beauty...
Mary: ... may sometimes walk alone.
Mary: Being brilliant is no great feat...
Iris: ... if you respect nothing.
Iris: It is not doing the thing we like to do...
Mary: ... but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed.
Mary: He only earns his freedom and his life...
Iris: ... who takes them every day by storm.
... Three hours later
Mary: There is nothing in which people more betray their character...
Iris: ... Erm... Uh... I can't go on... You win. You win. Mary Worth you remain the Queen of Quotations.
Tommy has a long history with Santaroymart. He used to buy is drugs at the warehouse. Ironically, my best memories of this strip are at the Santaroymart warehouse.
When my work life gets too busy to even read Mary Worth, and I miss a classic strip like yesterday's, what with Wilbur pulling a steak knife on Ex-con Tommy, and with a passing reference to Santaroymart, I'm working too hard. Maybe I can get a new job pushing carts at Santaroymart.
I can certainly understand why the survivor column is easier than the advice column... I mean, a survivor story practically writes itself. It would only require hours of research, tracking down survivors, extensive interviews, reviewing police reports. And now that he doesn't have to take up entire minutes a week answering Ask Wendy letters, he will have plenty of time to impress Iris with his hairy arms.
Wilbur puts on his best Woman Scorned face and gives Tommy the stink eye. He knows why Iris dumped him: To care for her low life son when his STATUS CHANGED. Now he's had to ask Mary Worth to write his 600 word weekly column for him so that he can devote his full attention to wooing Iris back.
Here's a few things you can do to get ready, Tommy. Change your shirt, cut your hair, maybe even put on a tie. And if all else fails, follow your mother's example and hide your face behind a giant word balloon.
You know, it makes perfect sense that Iris would welcome her son home from prison and announce "I've decided that you and I are going to move somewhere where we can both get a fresh start: Charterstone, where you got arrested for drug dealing, and where the man I dumped lives. It'll be swell."
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