Mary Worth 2867

So it turns out that Wilbur is a Nationally Syndicated Columnist, producing two columns, presumably weekly. Who knew? And now, given that Jesus said no prophet is accepted in his own country, he's about to develop an even bigger martyr complex than he already had.

I haven't posted much this week. This week our sewer backed up and soaked into several rooms, our vacuum went out, the AC went out, and the dryer stopped working. So I've been a little busy. Thank heaven for amazingly helpful neighbors.

Mary Worth 2866

So we've entered a never-ending loop of trying to win Iris back, suffering abject humiliation, showering, repeat. A story inspired by the instructions on Wilbur's Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle, "Lather, rinse, repeat," perhaps one of the greatest literary accomplishments of Procter and Gamble.

But then, Wilbur sees his Post-it, reminding himself to buy another emerald ring, and we know everything will work out eventually.

Mary Worth 2865

"Do you understand what we are saying to you? We are buying camping supplies. Because we are going camping. In a tent. Together. Do you understand, Wilbur? Please tell me if you understand. I want to hear you say it."

Mary Worth 2864

I'm having a little trouble comprehending a worse possible thing for Iris to say to Wilbur. And it is completely awesome. As we said in the eighth grade: "BURN!"

Mary Worth 2863

Oh. It's still this story. I didn't realize.

Mary Worth 2862

I have no idea why Dick's Sporting Goods wasn't willing to pay the fee for appearing in Mary Worth. Clearly, it was Karen Moy's intent to make a little bank by having Wilbur buy shoes there. I guess the promotional agreement didn't work out at the last minute, but by then it was too late to make Wilbur's shoe purchase AT ALL RELEVANT TO THE PLOT!!

Mary Worth 2861

This is quickly becoming one of the greatest Mary Worth stories of all time. I expected more walking. I did NOT expect buying footwear. It's plot twists like this that make me jump out of my chair and exclaim, "You've got to be kidding!"

Mary Worth 2860

Maybe you could spend the week walking in the park or standing on a cliff. That always helps to change your perspective.

Mary Worth 2859

Mr. Aurora has been very busy remodeling Wilbur's bathroom while he traveled the world. Such a lovely artisan subway tile.

Mary Worht 2858

That firehose showerhead is going to peel the layers of fat right off of Wilbur.