Mary Worth 518

This story just went from "Who cares? This story stinks." to "Who cares? This story is stinking brilliant."

Not since Ted Confey have we seen a man depicted so despicably. And, what, that was an entire one story ago. Of course, it's also been one whole story since we've seen a woman depicted so brainlessly as Delilah (Adrian). Stories about brainless females who hook up with creepy males never get old.

But what makes this story feel so fresh is everyone's 1972 fashion sense! I'm smelling Worthy Award nominations everywhere I sniff.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 517

The truth is, the valley really isn't as awesome as everyone up here in the mountains thinks it is. Too many flash floods. And the banditos keep stealing the coffee shipments as they're brought in on the burros. I'd complain about the views only we have no windows. But at least we have silverware.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 516

Oh, no, Delilah. I doubt Mary Worth will let you leave that easily.

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Mary Worth 515

Delilah is one of the most complicated characters ever to appear in this strip. She's so complex I don't have a clue what this story is about. Even legendary comic strip artist Joe Giella's valiant attempt to give me lots of new angles from which to ponder the plot are fruitless. I am just not sophisticated enough to understand such goings on.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 514

One of the most reasonable things you can do when you need to get your head together is run out on your spouse without explanation. It really helps lay the groundwork for that family you want to start.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 513

Of course there are some Lawrence-and-Delilah things of which Lawrence would not approve of sharing, such as the New York Times crossword puzzle. Lawrence is insanely jealous of anyone who tries to do the New York Times crossword. That is their thing! He once punched out a valley cab driver because he saw a half-done crossword sitting in the passenger seat.

Other things that Lawrence refuses to share with the general public:

Pride and Prejudice
Orange juice
Large saucepans
Burro refrigerator magnets
Scrabble
Howards End
Robbie Benson
LOST on ABC
The Empire State Building
Cats
The Dixie Chicks
Tiddly-Winks
Burt Reynolds
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Daniel Johnston and Jad Fair
The Prime Directive
High School Musical 2
Aluminum foil

If you doubt the other-worldliness of Rodgers and Hammerstein, then listen again to Edelweiss on the Charterstone Jukebox.

Mary Worth 512

If one considers the Mary Worth comic strip to be, by virtue of its age, a "classic," I'd say Delilah's statement is irony worthy of E. M. Forster. Especially in that outfit.

But even great writers are susceptible to bad editors... especially when modern word balloons are so tiny:

I contend that after something is necessary, it remains necessary until after it becomes unnecessary. But I could be wrong; I'm no E. M. Forster.

I have added "Edelweiss" to the Charterstone Jukebox, even though I know loyal reader Toots McGee wanted me to add "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Delilah?" But I added Edelweiss because over the past 11 years I have sung that song nearly every night to our various children, sometimes three times a night. So I think I'm close to 10,000 performances. That is, if you include the altered version I still sing to my 12-year-old son. He insists I sing the words of the Spider-Man theme song to the Edelweiss tune thusly:

Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies.

In the chill of night,
At the scene of the crime,
Like a streak of light,
He arrives just in time.

Spider-Man, Spider-Man,
Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 511

Another great cliff hanger. How will I hold on until tomorrow? How could Delilah have possibly brought something that could make this visit even more wonderful? I mean, what could be better than spending time with a prima donna so unhappy in her marriage that she seeks shelter and escape in the home of her parents' old neighbor? Granted, Mary Worth was like a mother to her when her own mother was wholly inadequate. And now, she can be like a husband when Delilah's husband is wholly inadequate.

I'm betting $10 that the gift is some sort of a book. Because that would be a really clever gift and make this story even more fascinating.

Today's Full Strip

Mary Worth 510

I mean, we literally rejoiced! We were so glad to see you go. But now you are back. And I will do everything in my power to return you to the valley.

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Mary Worth 509

"But don't you see, Mary? We're family now. You and me. Won't we have such wonderful times together?"

Today's Full Strip