Derek mourns at the wall of missing passengers. Most of them either slipped under the "safety" rail, or were thrown overboard by Entertainer Esme.
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Saturday, June 24, 2017
Citizen Scottie McW rightfully accused me of abandoning ship yesterday. It was heartbreaking to be unable to post on such an historic day... So I'm reprinting yesterday's panel with Scottie's comment:
"I forgot to credit fauxprof too for noticing what an Olympian athletic achievement under pressure Esme pulled off. A full pike, half-twist, reverse grawlix. A unanimous 10 from the judges." - Scottie McV.
Of course, this left us hanging (see what I did?) for 24 hours, wondering what choices Katie might make. This morning, ta-da!
Now they're friends. And they can team up to make Derek's life utter heck.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
This seems to be more than a 'lurch.' Based on the angle of the horizon, that ship is going down.
But given the image below, how far do you think Entertainer Esme will fall? How many times do you think she'll hit something on the way down? Will she splash in the water, or splat on a lower deck? Either way, tonight's Cabaret Showcase has been canceled.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
As the star of the shipboard entertainment, Esme is probably aware of the extensive network of security cameras throughout the vessel. She knows their blind spots. She's hidden the deaths of dozens of wives. I'm starting to worry about Katie.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Moy and Brigman do it again, establishing an entirely new genre: Comic Noir. Someone is going to commit a murder! My money is on Katie, and she gets away with it, too, knowing that Derek will never turn her in. Or rather, she almost gets away with it. Unfortunately for Katie, Mary Worth is on board and her meddling senses are tingling.
Monday, June 19, 2017
Saturday, June 17, 2017
Thursday, June 15, 2017
"My roommates and I have been looking for a fourth for Spades."
So, let me see... Katie throws Derek out of their cabin and then wanders up to the designated smoking area on deck 5, port side, where she sees Derek and Entertainer Esme (and nobody else) kissing. In tears, she runs all the way back to their cabin and locks out Derek who has followed her all that way without catching her. Then Derek, with his marital relationship at risk, hikes back to the designated smoking area where Entertainer Esme is smoking another cigarette, holds her, calls her "Beauty," and uses a metaphor of doomed romance, which Entertainer Esme quickly turns sexual.
Being good looking sure comes with a lot of stupidity.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
Monday, June 12, 2017
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Saturday, June 10, 2017
Friday, June 9, 2017
"You remind me of my mother! And Mary reminds you of YOUR mother! That means Mary reminds me of my grandmother! And my grandmother taught me to smoke! In fact, she used to give me money for cigarettes. I'm going to follow the fish carpet to Mary's cabin and hang out with grandma! She understands me."
Thursday, June 8, 2017
Enjoy: 19 Good: 18 Love: 11 Nice: 7
One thing's for sure... this story is changing my opinion about smoking.
You have to understand, throughout my life, I have been a huge hater of tobacco. First, I never knew my maternal grandparents because tobacco killed them. But there were other influences in my life. My father taught high school, and his classroom posters made a big impression when I was a child: "Smoking stinks," "Don't be a butt head," and especially "Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray."
Then there was the demonstration we had in sixth grade: A health worker brought in a mannequin head and torso that was open in the back so you could see a large pickle jar full of golden blonde hair representing the dummy's lungs. A tube with a pump connected the jar to the dummy's mouth. The worker put a cigarette in the mouth and lit it. With one squeeze of the pump, all that golden blonde hair (bronchi) instantly turned black.
I worked my way through college with Dr. David P.L. Sachs at the Palo Alto Center for Pulmonary Disease Prevention and Smoking Cessation Medical Group. I answered phones. "Thank you for calling the Palo Alto Center for Pulmonary Disease Prevention and Smoking Cessation Medical Group. How may I... hello, are you still there?"
In the year 2000, I started working for World Wildlife Fund in Washington D.C. to help finish a major fundraising campaign. Shortly after I started, they wanted to honor their emeritus chairman with a huge birthday party at the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan. I was startled to learn it was for Joseph Cullman, III, who had led Philip Morris as Chairman and CEO through the 1960's and 1970's when science knew all about the dangers of tobacco, and who was still very active in the company. This was the guy who invented the Marlboro man (or at least paid an advertising agency to invent it for him) and lied to Congress repeatedly about the health dangers of smoking.
In a planning meeting for Cullman's party, I looked at my very patient boss Rachel and said, "We all realize that this guy is the corporate equivalent of Adolph Hitler, right, with the blood of millions of people on his hands, right?" There was some foot shuffling under the desk and after the meeting Rachel told me, "You don't have to participate in the event." A few weeks later, though, it turned out that they needed a stage manager, and with my theatre background, they asked me to come anyway. Curious to see what the devil looked like, I went. Turned out he was just a silly old man who loved being praised by 300 people celebrating his birthday. He was pathetic. Also, I didn't work for WWF for very long after that.
So, clearly I hate the tobacco industry and all it stands for. And yet, last night at Walgreens, I saw a display like the one below and thought, "Those cigarette boxes are really cool. I'd love to buy a pack." Karen Moy, if I take up smoking and die of lung cancer, my family is going to sue.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Guys, if you're married, and you've gone out to a show, and you manage to ditch your wife to smoke cigarettes with the star, you're probably okay. But if you start singing romantic 1940's songs from Bing Crosby "Road" movies with her, you've either crossed a line, or you're gay.
Friday, June 2, 2017
Especially if your friend is a Marlboro cigarette.
I really have no idea what Derek's motives are right now. I know he's struggling with his cigarette addiction and that this cruise has completely stressed him out for some unknown reason. But, seriously, how did he end up in a secluded designated smoking area with Esme? Twice? They never talk, they just look at each other and smoke. I guess the world is different for attractive people.
Good pulls ahead, but Nice hangs in there:
Good: 18 Enjoy: 17 Love: 11 Nice: 7
Thursday, June 1, 2017
"You remember Ian? The man who was pounding on my door at 2:00 AM last year because you ran away from home until he promised to respect your clay figures and clown paintings? The man you vowed to be faithful to in sickness and in health till death do you part? You know, Ian?"
"Nope. No clue. Is he good looking?"
Good: 17 Enjoy: 17 Love: 11 Nice: 6
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Monday, May 29, 2017
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Friday, May 26, 2017
Well, nothing happened with the talking horses, or the pineapples, but while we were distracted by the romance of Jamaica, I missed an exciting new development. Last year, North America Syndicate relinquished power to King Features Syndicate, resulting in protest from Susan Sarandon during the Worthy Awards. But ever since Derek kicked down the bathroom door, it appears that North America Syndicate has also done some butt kicking and taken control of the Worthiverse once again, kicking King Features Syndicate off its gilded throne. It's like we're making North America Syndicate, Inc., great again! Or at least good.
Enjoy: 16 Good: 15 Love: 11 Nice: 5
Thursday, May 25, 2017
This morning, I was imagining that it was the horses talking, rather than Derek and Katie. Ha ha ha, I thought. That's funny.
But then I read yesterday's comments and Dear Reader Alice introduced me to Latawnya the Naughty Horse who likes drug smoking. Ha ha ha ha, I thought. That's really funny.
And then Dear Reader Cherie sent me an email and made yesterday's smoking horse dreams come true. Ha ha ha ha ha:
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Well, we're back to our old plot extolling the various activities available on a cruise. But at least we get horses. Let's give those horses some cigarettes. I'm not sure why that strikes me as so funny. I just want to see the horses smoking.
But here's hoping Entertainer Esme locks Katie in the stable.
And panel 1 brings back our old favorite: "Enjoy"
Enjoy: 16 Good:14 Love: 11 Nice: 5
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
Monday, May 22, 2017
Well, Entertainer Esme has been outsmarted by the meddling of Mary Worth, and it probably won't be the last time, either. But maybe if she can get Katie to lean on that rickety wooden rail, she'll get to smoke Pall Mall's with Derek before the day is through.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
So... Toby is fleeing from Mary, but has forgotten who she's searching for? At least that's what Lord Montaigne thinks. He also said, "I quote others only in order the better to express myself," but I'm not sure it applies to today's strip.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
The "sovenir" stand is right next to the bathroom?? Was Derek buying tacky caps for his assistants just four feet from Entertainer Esme as she locked up his wife? Or maybe that's some other restroom, and that's some other wife that Entertainer Esme has also locked up.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Monday, May 15, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Friday, May 12, 2017
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Monday, May 8, 2017
I am not certain how Nobel Laureate and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel would feel about being quoted out of context in Mary Worth, but at least he can rest easy knowing that he received no attribution. Except that I just exposed him. Dang. Sorry, Sir Elie.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Woah, hey! What happened? How did these two end up alone together in the designated smoking area? This is bad, real bad. Derek is already lying to Katie and confiding in Esme the Entertainer. Smoking and flirting. Now if he'll just murder someone, I'm pretty sure Katie will divorce him.
Saturday, May 6, 2017
Friday, May 5, 2017
What does Entertainer Esme mean by "I can have him?" Does she want to add him to her collection of top-hatted chorus boys? Does she need a "Mr. Allora" in her life to keep her from hurting her back? Or is her tummy brain suggesting something more untoward.