Thursday, April 27, 2017

Mary Worth 2575


And looking more and more attractive every time she opens her mouth. "Yes, honey, you're an amazing performer as well."

Enjoy: 13
Love: 11
Nice: 5 

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Mary Worth 2574

I have to say, Entertainer Esme, with her line of chorus boys in taped-on stovepipe hats, is one of the best things to hit this strip in a long time. But, Derek, let me warn you about falling for a stage performer. On stage, sure, she's sexy and smiling and oh so into you. But three weeks into the relationship you're going to start to learn some things. Either 1) she's so ambitious for public affection that she has no idea how to sustain an intimate relationship, or 2) her craft is merely compensation for massive insecurity, and she may even begin to doubt that you love her more than your wife.

Derek, if you want to upset Katie, stick with cigarettes. Much less complicated.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Mary Worth 2573

Oh, I do hope we get to hear Ginger (Trademark Sandi Ego) sing the entire song. First performer, first verse, and the audience is literally stunned. By the end of the show, the audience will be nothing more than a gelatinous blob dripping under their seats.

Citizens of Santa Royale, please complete this lyric: "Life is like..."

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Mary Worth 2672

So, "Good" has passed "Love" with a double appearance today! "Looking forward" didn't qualify for this competition, but it's kind of a shame because it keeps showing up, and I'm starting to feel bad for it.

Enjoy: 13
Love: 11
Nice: 5

This show makes me miss my daughter who is graduating from BYU next week. I'll pick her up and drive with her across the country back home to New Jersey. I'm looking forward to it. Ladies and gentlemen, Maggie Andersen:

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Mary Worth 2571

The Activities Guide says this is a variety of acts, and given that Mary spent a lot of time watching Ziegfeld's Follies on the Great White Way, she knows when a variety show is Broadway quality.

Enjoy: 13
Love: 11
Nice: 5

Friday, April 21, 2017

Mary Worth 2570

Later? If you don't hurry now, you won't have good seats for tonight's musical production of "Titanic!"

For those keeping score (and I am):

Enjoy: 13
Love: 10
Nice: 5

And if you're looking forward to the Titanic musical, here's a preview:

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Mary Worth 2569

I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I've tried to make a collection of the descriptive words in this story so far. I'll leave the interpretation up to you. Enjoy!

Traveling: Love
Cruises: Enjoyed
Travel: Fun
Cruises: Enjoy
Amenities: Love
Food: And the... !
Cooking: Love
Deal: Good
Spread: Delicious
Cooking: Better
Cruise: Enjoy
Deal: Good
Deal: Great
Trip: Enjoy
Cruises: Love
See: Easy
Food: And the... !
Trip: Enjoy
Seattle: Beautiful
Fly: Good
Walks: Beautiful
Classes: Fun
Entertainment: Galore
Food: Endless
Ports: Several
Time: Great
Time: Enjoy
Smoke: Dying
Promises: Good
Ship: Big
Cruise: Treat
Hints: Helpful
Hints: Helpful
Ship: Big
Cruise: Enjoy
People: Friendly
Idea: Good
Dining: Crowded
Seats: Glad
Luggage: Good
Friend: Dear
Room: Nice
Outside: Exciting
Feel: Fortunate
View: Beautiful
Cruise: Memorable
Anywhere: Memorable
This: Beautiful
You: Beautiful
Smoke: Hate
You: Worth
Marriage: Worth
Today: Enjoy
Shapes: Interesting
Sea: Love
Break: Short
Chairs: Inviting
Air: Love
Air: Refreshing
Yourselves: Enjoying
Walk: Enjoying
Activities: Worth
To do: Plenty
Class: Early
Dinner: Formal
Excuse: Love
Entertainment: Good
Shows: Worth
Tonight: Enjoy
Entertainment: Enjoyed
Dinner: Fun
Demonstration: Nice
Walk: Nice
Couple: Nice
Love: Young
Love: Real
Dining: Grand
Buffet: Love
Eating: Casual
Evening: Good
Lobster: Good
You: Nice
Dinner: Enjoy

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Mary Worth 2568

Good save, Mary. For a moment, I thought you were criticizing the buffet. Do you ever get the feeling that this is just some tax write-off for Karen Moy's last vacation?

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Mary Worth 2567

This! This is why! This is why Karen Moy deserves a Pulitzer Prize or something. Instead of being boxed in by established literary conventions and showing us the towel folding demonstration, she uses beautiful descriptive language ("very nice!") to paint a picture, allowing us to visualize the towel folding demonstration ourselves! After eight days of build up, I never expected to be so not disappointed! Maybe next week someone can describe the formal dress up dinner (very nice!).

Monday, April 17, 2017

Mary Worth 2566

I'm starting to suspect that neither of them have ever been on a cruise before -- excuse me, cruised before -- but they don't want to appear out of it, so they each memorized travel brochures to appear knowledgeable. It's constant pressure to continuously reinforce their previously unknown passion for cruising. Hopefully a delightful evening of tapping their toes to "Nostradamus!" will help them relax.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Mary Worth 2564

Events Guide
Bargain Cruise Lines

7:00 Bed Making Demonstration
8:00 Towel Folding
9:00 Dish Washing
11:00 Bag Lunch Packing
12:00 Vacuuming
2:00 Dancing by the Pool with the Polaris Pressure Pool Cleaner Line
3:00 Deck Swabbing
4:00 Dinner Preparation
8:00 Dish Washing II
10:00 Watching for Icebergs

Friday, April 14, 2017

Mary Worth 2563

"You remind me of my mother. She folds towels, too. Enjoy the rest of your cruise."

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Mary Worth 2562

Holy camoly, Katie darling. If you're going to accuse Derek of wanting to smoke every time he sees someone taking a puff, maybe you ought to avoid taking walks through the designated smoking section.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Mary Worth 2560

Many of you will probably think I should add YMCA by the Village People to the Charterstone Jukebox, but here's the thing: I actually listen to the Charterstone Jukebox. A lot. And there's no way I will ever put YMCA on the Jukebox. So stop your begging.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Mary Worth 2559


Well, I hope you enjoyed yesterday... because this is what tomorrow brought:

Friday, April 7, 2017

Mary Worth 2558

While I expected the room to be smaller, I am quite satisfied to see that their legs will hang over the foot of the bed.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Mary Worth 2557

Trust me. This story ends with Toby hiding out in the Hoosiers apartment, chain smoking Pall Malls.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Mary Worth 2556

I've learned another thing about cruising. No plates. Just plop the pie right on the tray. Every day, this strip makes me want to cruise more and more. I'm even using the verb form now.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Mary Worth 2555

I am learning so much about cruising! Fish carpets. Key cards. Who knew? I'll let you know when it starts to sound interesting.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Mary Worth 2554

"My mother is old and friendly, too. And she didn't object to your being a smoker of indeterminate race and no visible sign of an Adam's apple."

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Mary Worth 2553

This helpful orientation tip is brought to you by Norwegian Cruise Lines because, according to my Google research, it's the only cruise line that does this. Sadly, the ship they're boarding appears to be a piece of junk compared to the jewels that make up the NCL fleet.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Mary Worth 2552

This is either or horrible pick-up line, or another example of Robo-tron2000™ automated dialog output.

I just have trouble with people using the noun cruise as a verb. Do people really talk like that? I've only heard people say, "We're going on a cruise." Not, "We're going cruising," unless they're going to be driving back and forth on McHenry Avenue listening to Wolfman Jack on AM radio.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Mary Worth 2551

No matter how hip and gorgeous June Brigman may try do draw these characters, they still talk like government-issued robots intent on cooking all humankind into a giant casserole.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Mary Worth 2550

Let the meddling commence!

"Did you say this is your first cruise? You'll love the amenities and the entertainment on board. Cruises offer something for everyone. You'll see foreign lands in an easy way. And the food! You'll enjoy not having to cook."

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Mary Worth 2549

Ah hah! This story is about more than just sailing into the Bermuda Triangle! It's about giving up cigarettes. Hopefully nothing stressful will happen to the Hoosiers from Kentucky on this trip. My advice? Avoid the old lady in front of you.

True story: Mrs. Wanders and I celebrated our first anniversary at the Kentucky State Fair in 1993. As a native Californian, I was stunned to see that it seemed like the biggest 4-H Club exhibit at this HUGE event was the how-to-grow-and-cure-tobacco-so-teenagers-can-start-smoking-and-die-young exhibit. Then there were horses.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Mary Worth 2548

Mr. Hoosier's speech impediment helps him to rhyme Hoosier's with Cruishers. But speech impediments will not be a concern on the high seas! He won't have to put up with the taunts of his bowling league buddies back home in Kentucky for an entire week!

Monday, March 27, 2017

Mary Worth 2547

Mary hasn't cruised since the Titanic scared her off. (She then only traveled by Zeppelin. At least until the Hindenburg disaster.)

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Mary Worth 2546

"We travel not to escape our husbands, but so they can escape us." - Toby Cameron

Friday, March 24, 2017

Mary Worth 2545

So, to recap...

  • Cruises offer something for everyone.
  • People with different interests can travel together and still have fun.
  • Families with kids, couples, seniors all enjoy cruises together.
  • Mary loves the amenities and entertainment on board.
  • Toby loves the food.
  • Cruises offer a wide array of entertainment options.
  • Cruises offer a chance to see foreign lands in an easy way.
  • Toby loves the food.

This looks like it will be a lot of fun... ::yawn::

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Mary Worth 2544

Wait... that's it? I found a good deal, you sure know how to pick 'em? Let the comedy hijinks commence as Mary and Toby embark on the cheapest cruise inside the Bermuda Triangle. Maybe the ship will break down and they'll be stranded without air conditioning or running water. Maybe they'll get kidnapped at their first port of call. Maybe they'll eat bad shrimp and spend the entire cruise throwing up... or perhaps that will just be us.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Mary Worth 2543

Jeff has successfully fulfilled his responsibilities as a Man of Honor. Recognizing that Ian will be at a teaching summit, he acknowledges Mary's invitation as thoughtful and kind, but graciously declines due to health, while silently knowing it would be inappropriate for him as a single man to travel with his girlfriend and another man's wife. Why? Because he would go CRAZY!!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Mary Worth 2542

I was at least hoping we would get to see Jeff's trick knee, perhaps pulling a rabbit out of his pants.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

Mary Worth 2541

This week's public service announcement was part of King Features Syndicate's settlement with the Cruise Line International Association (CLIA) after Karen Moy's hatchet job a few years back:

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Mary Worh 2540

"Dear Wendy, thanks for your recent advice, but I sent you my letter three weeks ago! While waiting for your response, the company offered the job to someone else! Thanks for being so slow to respond. If it weren't for you, I'd have to go to work today. But as it is, I have plenty of time to go on a cruise. It's a good thing that financial concerns aren't ever a consideration in the Worthiverse. Signed, Broke but Who Cares."

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Mary Worth 2539

If everyone with a knee problem never went on a cruise, the cruise lines would lose half their passengers! I've never cruised, but I have many friends who do, and most of them wish their health problems were limited to their knees. Cruise ships are floating geriatric wards.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Mary Worth 2538

I'm sorry to have been away, dear readers. I just couldn't take it anymore. My life seemed too important and precious to spend another moment blogging about Iris and Tommy Beedie. But now: Toby! I can go on ignoring my responsibilities, and focusing on what truly is inspiring. Although I must admit, my first hope was that this story would follow Ian to his teaching summit in Seattle, it looks like we get to enjoy "Toby and Mary go to the Tropics" instead. Hopefully, they'll discover the Lost Treasure of the Golden Monkey of Stinky Island.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Mary Worth 2537

"I believe in you son! But if you fail again..."

"Thanks, Ma. I owe you a pizza."

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Mary Worth 2536

For an unemployed widow who attends an expensive university, lives in an upscale Southern California condominium, supports an adult son who is also unemployed and who sees an expensive specialist to help overcome his addiction to expensive opiates, Iris sure eats out a lot. If Mary doesn't bring over a casserole soon, she's going to have to hawk her iPhone.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Mary Worth 2535

I find today's strip a little ironic because clearly Karen Moy has been abandoned by June Brigman and is desperately cutting out old strips to paste her dialog onto. I'm just hoping that June is okay. Here's September 20th's strip, for those of you who like to reminisce:

Monday, March 6, 2017

Mary Worth 2534

You know, simply by turning the picture upside down, it makes September 23rd's art completely different! Try the same thing at home using today's first panel, which appeared on September 22.

If you're trying to make changes in your life, here is some very good advice from the old Mary Tyler Moore show:

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Mary Worth 2533

"Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who's done an amazing job and is getting recognized more and more, I notice," - Donald H. Trump, United States President

Friday, March 3, 2017

Mary Worth 2532

"Hey, Ma, isn't that your boyfriend? I haven't seen him (or you) since Christmas. Now here we are, all together again."

I know we were all expecting this, and we were hoping that Zak would be going out with the waitress who dumped Tommy instead of just some random girl, but I'm optimistic that this moment marks the end of this epic story arc that started last June when Mary volunteered Mr. Allora to help with the Beedie move. It's been quite an ordeal spending nine months with the Beedies, but you did it! You've stuck it out! I'm proud of all of us.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Mary Worth 2531

One blue plate special at New Diner, and one weighty platitude from Mommy, and Tommy starts comparing himself to Jesus. Jesus also walked on water, but I'm not quite sure you're there yet, Thomas.