Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Mary Worth 2821

I'm not that bright, so it is difficult for even this strip to insult my intelligence. But when it does, I tend to get a little worked up. Why in the world would a grocery store allow someone to do this? What's their cut? It's not like they're doing it for charity, like letting the Girl Scouts sell cookies out front. It isn't like they've contracted with a temp agency to provide minimum-wage workers to hand out a chip with some salsa on it to Costco shoppers. This is about undermining sales in their bakery department. And it makes no logical sense.

Usually, I can make it to about June before I invoke my first logical fallacy penalty, but this year I'm calling it in early.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Mary Worth 2820

Hey, here's something else they have in common! They both hold their expensive cell phones in that impossibly awkward and risky way. It's meant to be!

Friday, February 16, 2018

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Mary Worth 2817

Yes, Ted Miller is quite a character. It's his definining character trait.

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Mary Worth 2816

In panel one, it is clear that Mary is uncomfortable with Ted's lingering hug. In panel two, however, it's "boys will be boys." Plus, Mary looks like she's ready for a nap instead of a furious phone call to her boyfriend Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Mary Worth 2815

You mean this isn't a story about starting a muffin company? What a shock.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Mary Worth 2814

"Okay. How much cash will I have to risk? How much cash will you be investing? What is your personal debt load? What is your personal credit rating? What is the level of success for new food products? What is the level of success for new food distribution companies? How many initial employees will we need to hire? What equipment will we need to purchase? Where will our production kitchen be located? Will we outsource our human resource department, or manage it in-house? Internet sales? Have you ever managed a company before? Have you ever started a company before? What licenses will be required to sell food to the public? These, of course, are just off the top of my head. I'll have hundreds of more questions when I call you. I'll talk to you later."

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Mary Worth 2813

Gee, Mary, maybe you could ask Google. But why don't you invest thousands of dollars and countless hours first. It really is the best way to find out.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Mary Worth 2811

Boy, I wish someone like Ted had taken me aside and told me about the perils of fame before I started this blog. Fame is arguably the biggest burden of blogging about Mary Worth as you can imagine. People interrupting my dinner at restaurants to tell me how awesome I am, flirty emails from readers, constant telephone calls from the media... The real danger is that I let it go to my head. Fortunately, I'm so humble that I can handle it.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Mary Worth 2810

"What am I really afraid of? Well, my tummy brain is telling me not to give you my money."

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Mary Worth 2809

Ted's door approach seems a little pushy. What was he selling in his former sales career? Magazines?

The reason I ask is that back when Mrs. Wanders and I were first married, she was in our apartment when two guys in their late teens or twenties knocked on the door. When she answered, the bigger of the two guys explained that they were selling magazines. He asked, "Are you a model?" perhaps to interest her in a fashion magazine. Then he asked, "Is that your Porsche in the parking lot?" perhaps to interest her in an automotive magazine. She said she wasn't interested and they desperately explained that if they could sell just two more subscriptions, they'd earn a trip to Disney World, perhaps because they knew she wanted them to be that far away. She finally got rid of them and a few minutes later I came home. She told me about the encounter, and I went back in the hallway and found them on the floor below knocking on doors. I said, "Hey! What do you mean coming around here asking my wife if she's a model?" At that point, the little guy ran out of the building, and the bigger guy started to say something, but he only got four words in before I started walking toward him, "There is no soliciting in this building." He left, too.

To this day, my wife cringes every time I ask her if she's a model, or it that's her Porsche in the driveway. Which I do a lot.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Mary Worth 2808

"I've already made 12! If we sell them for $200,000 each, we'll be rich!"

Friday, February 2, 2018

Mary Worth 2807

The money Paul Newman made selling salad dressing was attractive because he gave it all to charity, dimwit. Also, it wasn't just his money that was attractive. His steel blue eyes and smirky good looks made him box office gold even after his death in 2008. Putting Mary's face on the polypropylene wrapper of a moldering muffin isn't going to do much good in the world, no matter who draws her, or who profanes her name.

Thursday, February 1, 2018