Monday, February 5, 2018

Mary Worth 2808

"I've already made 12! If we sell them for $200,000 each, we'll be rich!"


Peggy Olson said...

Doesn't she watch Shark Tank? The food business is ruthless, and Mary doesn't have a patent. Ted Miller does seem like a shark, but not the good kind.

Wanders, great observation on Mary holding her phone. June is channeling Uncle Joe's hand work today. All that's missing is a sixth finger.

KitKat said...

Wanders, you beat me to the punch with your secret message. If I held my phone like that, I'd need a new screen in no time.

Why is Ted asking Mary if she's thought about marketing her muffins? Has he forgotten his muffin raptures of last week, complete with that dopey "Mary Muffins" name? Maybe Ted hit the booze too hard that night.

Since that pan of muffins is on the counter, I assume they're unbaked. With the cups that overfilled, Mary will have a mess on the bottom of her oven. I guess June has never baked muffins.

Wait till Jeff and the condo find out that Mary is propositioning men!

KitKat said...

Condo Board, I meant...

fauxprof said...

Why is she making test batches? Ted made it clear that he didn’t want baking from Mary, but investment money. Not only should she watch Shark Tank, but American Greed might give her a clue. Is there anyone who can save her? I sure hope not.

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"I Sure Hope Ted Miller Doesn't Get The Wrong Idea Whilst Sampling Mary's Muffins".

Marketing muffins?
I have! Test batches!
Join taste tests?
I'm on my way!

Anonymous said...

Having felt the nibble, Ted deftly tugs on the rod and sets the hook. All that's left is to reel her in.

-- Scottie McW.

meg said...

Dear Karen May:

Congratulations on your subliminal advertising on behalf of National Muffin Day, coming right up on February 20. Our representative Med Tiller will contact you soon to arrange delivery of payment for your services. We can ship all 100 dozen muffins at the same time if you wish.

The National Muffin Promotion Board
Our motto is Down With Donuts!

Tim said...

I've got an idea. Take a batch to a farmer's market to see if anyone will buy them. Oh and get a resume from Ted. And a business plan.

KitKat said...

Nance, thanks for your haiku title today. "Sampling Mary's Muffins" has so many layers of meaning while maintaining its family friendly character. After all, what's more family friendly than a muffin?

I'm sure we all know the classic chocolate-making episode from I Love Lucy, with Lucy and Ethel attempting to keep up with the assembly line. Picture Mary and Toby on a muffin assembly line, with Mary madly stuffing muffins in her brassiere.

Anonymous said...

Okay, Baren Coy. You can now demonstrate to us just how much you know (or don't know) about the real world of marketing. I can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I think this whole muffin business is just subterfuge for the real story here. I suspect we'll see Ted developing a romantic interest in Mary which will hopefully lead to another Aldo Kelrast ending.

LouiseF said...

If Mary was REALLY innovative, she could come up with these products instead of inflicting muffins on the unsuspecting public. She could even have them SEEN ON TV:
1. Door Knob Polish 2. Velcro for the face (helps with sticking your phone to your cheek) 3. a dictionary of pseudonyms for the Rich and Famous 4. Gardening hat with a built in fan to keep her head cool when she's decapitating roses 5. Slowly dissolving mouth glue (added to dinner companions' water to keep them quiet while she tells a long story about muffin development).

Anonymous said...

@KitKat - I'm sensing that a lot of us are experiencing some difficulty snarking about Mary's Muffins while trying to keep our comments family friendly. Karen Moy could have made it a lot easier on us if she'd had Mary serve lasagna as an appetizer.

TimP said...

It seems everyone is convinced that Ted is a grifter and maybe that's going to be the case.

My supposition is that he is actually part of a sting operation on behalf of a splinter group of Charterstone Board members who are laying the groundwork for a coup predicated on Mary's running a commercial bakery out of her condominium in flagrant disregard for only too many covenants and codes to say nothing of local health regulations.

The real question is who in Charterstone is putting him up to this. Dr. Jeff? Wilbur? Tommy?

I guess what I'm saying is I think Mary has made a lot of enemies over the years.

Tim said...

I find I'm going and forth between hating this storyline, because this is not how businesses get started, and snarking. The only salvation will be if Mary is being scammed.

Chester the Dog said...

I always thought her Chicken Salad Appetizers would have been a big hit, if marketed properly...

Nance said...

@KitKat--I mentioned that conveyor belt scenario a bit early on in this "storyline". Great minds!

The conundrum with Maren Koy is that even though this Muffin/Ted Miller situation has the potential to head down several plot pathways*, it could all end this week with him merely failing to follow through on his Pie-in-the-Sky idea to market Mary's Muffins. Remember, he's a "character", and that could simply be that he's all talk and no action.

*Plot Possibilities (and the smart commenters here can add so many!)
--Mary gets scammed
--Ted makes the moves on Mary
--Dr Jeff misconstrues Ted and Mary's relationship
--Mary realizes that it will disrupt her life and challenge her values
--Mary helps Ted with a completely unrelated problem, like gambling, because why not?
--Mary goes on a promotional tour to lots of places that KM wants to claim on her tax return as job-related travel costs

Anonymous said...

@ Nance. Great idea.

-- Wilbur sabotages the venture because, as Wanders noted last week, he's not going to like it if he has to start paying for his muffins.
-- Iris has another emotional crisis, and Mary abandons the whole idea in mid-bake because, darn it, Iris needs her.
--Tommy steals the only existing copy of the muffin recipe and sells it on the DarkNet to finance his heroin addiction.
--Mary totally cons Ted, loots all of his offshore accounts, and has Frankie The Hatchet from Toledo dispose of the evidence, including the body.

meg said...

Ted is right: muffins are having a moment. Unfortunately, on the day selected for Mmmmmm.....Mary Muffin’s Initial Public Offering...several other muffin IPO’s come to market. It’s launch day for:

Melania Muffins, Meryl Muffins, Meghan Muffins, Märtha Muffins, Mnuchin Muffins, and OOOOpraaaah Muuuuuuffffins.
Mary Muffins, Meghan Muffins, Märtha Muffins, and Meryl Muffins get lost in the shuffle, Melania Muffins and Mnuchin Muffins never stood a chance. Oprah gives a muffin to everyone in the country; then she hires Meryl Streep to play her in the commercials.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense (and one muffin each).

Tim said...

Mary's Muffins will have a great delivery system. Look into a bathroom mirror and recite Mary Worth three times and viola there they are. Mind you these muffins eat you.

DWET said...

Oh! Oh! Oh! I have a plot possibility! Mary gets Ted to come over to "sample her muffins." Then she remembers that she had a great baking experience with John Dill, a huge pink cake, and a sugary idol of Mary "Mother Nature" Worth to worship. She gets John Dill to jet in from New York, and the two men fight over pink cake, muffins, and Mary's love! (Mary's love, of course, is only for herself. There's none left over for anyone else.)