Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Mary Worth 2870

I thought the whole point of this endless country-music-in-the-shower sequence was to punctuate Wilbur's depression with music that emphasizes what a heartbroken loser he is. I mean, really, why else would we be subjected to this? So why would Wilbur sing this Johnny Cash song? "They call me bad news, because I'm bad news, breaking little girls' hearts who hate to see me go..." and so on and so forth. Maybe this marks the turning point for Wilbur. Maybe he'll turn into the next Zak, with unbounded confidence, dating a woman at least 20 years older than he is.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Mary Worth 2869

It's probably best that Wilbur stops listening to Country Western music. It hasn't been helping. He really needs to change his luck, and the Charterstone Jukebox is just the trick! Just open up Spotify on your cell phone. That'll lift your spirits. I had a bad week, too. But the Charterstone Jukebox made everything alright.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Mary Worth 2868

"If I'm not seen locally, Iris and Zak won't be about to read my work as they lounge around on Sunday mornings together."

On a personal note, thanks for all the sympathy yesterday, dear readers. After listing my woes, I was driving to Home Depot and got rear-ended. It has been a hilarious week. Fortunately, each thing that's happened really could have been much, much worse. So far, we're counting ourselves very lucky, and keeping our sense of humor. Mary Worth and your comments help with that.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Mary Worth 2867

So it turns out that Wilbur is a Nationally Syndicated Columnist, producing two columns, presumably weekly. Who knew? And now, given that Jesus said no prophet is accepted in his own country, he's about to develop an even bigger martyr complex than he already had.

I haven't posted much this week. This week our sewer backed up and soaked into several rooms, our vacuum went out, the AC went out, and the dryer stopped working. So I've been a little busy. Thank heaven for amazingly helpful neighbors.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Mary Worth 2866

So we've entered a never-ending loop of trying to win Iris back, suffering abject humiliation, showering, repeat. A story inspired by the instructions on Wilbur's Head and Shoulders shampoo bottle, "Lather, rinse, repeat," perhaps one of the greatest literary accomplishments of Procter and Gamble.

But then, Wilbur sees his Post-it, reminding himself to buy another emerald ring, and we know everything will work out eventually.

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Mary Worth 2865

"Do you understand what we are saying to you? We are buying camping supplies. Because we are going camping. In a tent. Together. Do you understand, Wilbur? Please tell me if you understand. I want to hear you say it."

Friday, April 13, 2018

Mary Worth 2864

I'm having a little trouble comprehending a worse possible thing for Iris to say to Wilbur. And it is completely awesome. As we said in the eighth grade: "BURN!"

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Mary Worth 2862

I have no idea why Dick's Sporting Goods wasn't willing to pay the fee for appearing in Mary Worth. Clearly, it was Karen Moy's intent to make a little bank by having Wilbur buy shoes there. I guess the promotional agreement didn't work out at the last minute, but by then it was too late to make Wilbur's shoe purchase AT ALL RELEVANT TO THE PLOT!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Mary Worth 2861

This is quickly becoming one of the greatest Mary Worth stories of all time. I expected more walking. I did NOT expect buying footwear. It's plot twists like this that make me jump out of my chair and exclaim, "You've got to be kidding!"

Monday, April 9, 2018

Mary Worth 2860

Maybe you could spend the week walking in the park or standing on a cliff. That always helps to change your perspective.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Mary Worth 2859

Mr. Aurora has been very busy remodeling Wilbur's bathroom while he traveled the world. Such a lovely artisan subway tile.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Thursday, April 5, 2018

Mary Worth 2857

It was Harlan Howard who is attributed as being the first to describe country music this way. He should know; he was one of the most prolific and influential country songwriters, and his passing in 2002 left a big hole in the heart of Nashville. So, yeah, I have gone through many country music phases. I have no problem with country music. What I have a problem with is country music radio. It's three songs and a pigsty full of commercials. Over and over and over again... whenever I get in a country music mood, it lasts about three days until I can't take it anymore. So hopefully, the country music station in Santa Royale plays more music from a deeper playlist.

But in honor of Harlan Howard, I've added one of his songs to the Jukebox, "Heartache by the Numbers." It ought to cheer Wilbur up immensely.

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Mary Worth 2856

Inspired by the Head and Shoulders commercial, Wilbur finds his shower radio. It's been a long time since he's showered. Surely this will help his mood... and OURS! Because nothing will lift our spirits like watching Wilbur shower. Naked.

I'm really hoping he tunes into the Chartersone Jukebox playlist on Spotify. Do you follow the Jukebox? The Condo Board has selected a tastefully appropriate list of songs, all inspired by the adventures of Mary Worth. If you haven't had a listen recently, Charley Smith has left some metal slugs and wooden nickels so you don't have to drop any coins into the jukebox.

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Mary Worth 2855

I certainly understand why Wilbur would prefer to have a frozen Hungry Man dinner rather than eating with Mary and Jeff. I fully support his choice.

Monday, April 2, 2018

Mary Worth 2854

Really, Wilbur? Because Jeff doesn't know how anxious and abandoned you feel, and I know he'd love to hear it. Plus, we'd all love to hear you describe your feelings again. And to think we could have been in Italy with Harlan and Dawn! We dodged a bullet.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Mary Worth 2853

An Easter Play You Can Perform While Visiting Grandma

By Karen Moy

Wilbur: I’m used to being alone… My work is solitary by nature! But when I sit at my computer… reading reader mail… my thoughts turn back to my own problems! I’m having trouble concentrating on my work.

Mary: The quiet in your place doesn’t help?

Wilbur: I feel alone and abandoned! Dawn’s studying abroad! I miss Iris! And Mary… my past mistakes haunt me.

Mary: You’re not alone, Wilbur! We all make mistakes! We’re going to Lookout Point. Maybe the view will help us both gain perspective. (They cross the stage and stand atop a deadly cliff overlooking a turbulent ocean.)

Wilbur: It’s beautiful, Mary!

Mary: I come here when I need a change of perspective. Sometimes it helps.

Wilbur: Maybe it’ll help me. I’ve been feeling… alone and stuck in a rut.

Mary: Wilbur, you traveled for a whole year around the globe to meet and write about disaster survivors.

Wilbur: Yes.

Mary: Then how can you feel stuck in a rut?

Wilbur: I’m back in real life now, Mary. I’m facing my own personal demons and regrets. When I returned from my trip, Dawn was a godsend. She was much-needed company and my confidante.

Mary: This is after you broke up with Iris?

Wilbur: Yes, I made a mess of things with Iris. Now, with my daughter away and Iris off with another guy, I’m alone.

Mary: You’re not alone, Wilbur. As for Iris… some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever. Remember… you have friends. I’ll always have an open ear and a shoulder for you to cry on.

Wilbur: Thanks, Mary.

Mary: You have two excellent columns in the papers. How are they?

Wilbur: Business as usual. But despite my work, I feel… unsettled and anxious.

Mary: Maybe you just need to have some fun. Are there hobbies you want to pursue?

Wilbur: I can’t think of any at this time.

Mary: You’re wrapped up in your problems, which is easy to do when you’re alone. Try to find good in every day.

Wilbur: I’m trying Mary, I really am! I look at others and I feel like a loser compared to them!

Mary: This vulnerability is part of being human. Give yourself compassion rather than judging yourself as less than others.

Wilbur: I don’t know how. The feeling of hopelessness is almost unbearable sometimes! When I’m alone with my thoughts, it’s like going into a bad neighborhood… I always get beat up. When I returned from my trip around the world, I struggled to deal with complicated romantic issues. I didn’t totally go under because Dawn was there for me!

Mary: I imagine your daughter was therapeutic company after you broke up with Iris.

Wilbur: Now Dawn’s studying in Italy… and I’m feeling abandoned! I try not to think about Iris, but I’m reminded of her all the time! 

Wilbur: Let's have this conversation again next week.

Mary: Definitely.

Friday, March 30, 2018

Mary Worth 2852

It's easy to get wrapped up in your problems when you're alone. Hopelessly, miserably, forever alone.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Mary Worth 2851

You know that unsettled and anxious feeling you have when you stand on top of a cliff without a guardrail or look down the center of a tall flight of stairs? A friend once explained to me that it wasn't because you were afraid of falling... it was because you were afraid you might jump! There's a part of your subconscious brain that wants you to back away so that you don't try anything stupid. And Wilbur is especially stupid so he must be especially unsettled and anxious.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Mary Worth 2850

A Godsend, I tell you, an absolute Godsend... for those who don't believe in God:

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Mary Worth 2849

Interviewing survivors of horrible disasters wasn't real life. That was just silly stuff.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Mary Worth 2848

Can any of us remember a single instance when Mary changed her perspective? Maybe she means, "Whenever I start to doubt myself or my opinions, I come here and change my perspective. I always come away from here more sure of myself than ever."

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Mary Worth 2847

What a great idea, Mary. Overlooking the lights of Santa Royale, staring into the abyss, surrounded by dozens of couples holding hands and kissing, with only you for company, Wilbur is sure to feel tons better.

Not everyone at Lookout Point finds peace:

Friday, March 23, 2018

Mary Worth 2846

Wilbur Weston lost in thought. I can only guess how easy it is to get lost in Wilbur's brain.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Mary Worth 2844

For those who'd like wallpaper for their computer monitor like Wilbur's, you're welcome:

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Mary Worth 2843

Wow! Karen Moy has really set herself up with a new challenge! Instead of the nearly impossible task of telling a story two panels a day, she's doubled down and is telling two stories with just one panel each day! The next three months are going to be AMAZING!

And June Brigman's forced perspective in panel 2 harkens back to Leonardo da Vinci's "The Last Supper." And we all know how Harlan and Dawn feel about Leonardo Da Vinci.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Mary Worth 2842

Let's parse this out panel by panel...

I have to admit, I groaned out loud when I saw this morning's first panel thinking this story might actually be about Wilbur's sense of abandonment, and not an elaborate tour or June Brigman's Beautiful Italy. Because making this a story about Wilbur would be about the worst thing that could ever possibly happen in the Worthiverse.

But then...

Thank you June Brigman for not even attempting to recreate Botticelli's Birth of Venus in ink, but only rendering the most minimal representation. Unlike this image from the Phantom last week.

Perhaps June thought she would have made this blog un-family friendly. But here at MW&M, we fear no art:

Friday, March 16, 2018

Mary Worth 2841

It's clear that Dawn is excited to return to Beautiful Italy. And why shouldn't she be? It's been almost six years since she was there last (how old was she then)? True, the entire trip was terrible, and she was almost killed when her cruise ship sank, but this time will be different for sure. And I am even more excited for this trip than Dawn because in Beautiful Italy, this happens.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Mary Worth 2840

The awkward breakfast table hug is always a sweet moment. But it appears that Wilbur may have been bitten by a werewolf during his travels and has spent the night roaming Santa Royale Meadows Park feasting on the flesh of kite flyers. Judging by his right arm, his transformation back to human being is not quite complete.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Mary Worth 2839

She really is. I mean, here she is, 21 already. Just ten years ago she was 20.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Mary Worth 2838

I know money exists in the Worthiverse. Olive asked Mary Worth for some money to give to a homeless man because her heart was generous and her tummy brain was a little mooch. Ted Confey swindled Adrian out of $50,000. And of course, Wilbur used his credit card to buy a $30,000 emerald ring for Fabiana. And yet, semesters abroad seem to be free.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Mary Worth 2837

"My relationship? Dad, I just said, I'm part of his group! There's a whole group of us. I'm the student he does yoga with. Kathy's the student he does parkour with, and Venessa's the student he gardens root vegetables with! Don't you know what a group is?"

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Mary Worth 2835

Even alone with her thoughts, Mary has suppressed the trauma of her recent sexual assault and sublimated with a muffin fixation. Does she feel responsible for Ted's behavior? Does she blame herself? Wake up, Mary! Those aren't muffins! Those are blueberry tears.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Mary Worth 2834

For the first time in her life, and perhaps the only time it is not appropriate, Mary is being discreet.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Mary Worth 2833

Mary is burying her secret deep inside. Okay, I get maybe not telling Jeff since Ted "The Molester" Miller is Jeff's BFF. But Toby is Mary's BFF, and she's not even telling Toby. This is getting very dark.

Also, how fitting is it that Mary goes to Saint Anne's? Saint Anne was Jesus's grandmother according to apocryphal legend and Wikipedia.

Monday, March 5, 2018

Mary Worth 2832

Whew! Mary will not deny the world of her muffins! She's so good and noble that way, always thinking of other people. Except for the next old lady that Ted Miller will molest.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Mary Worth 2831

"You can say THAT again!" Ha ha ha ha ha. Because Ted rubbed Mary's body when she didn't want him to. So it's funny. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Mary Worth 2830

If the #metoo movement has taught us anything, it's never tell anyone that a character tried to sexually assault you.