Thursday, September 3, 2015

Mary Worth 2133

It's that crazy magician student, levitating his homework again. Sure it's impressive, but nobody likes a kiss up.

Speaking of college, we took our son to college last week. We flew out to California, and spent three weeks visiting family in three different states, then dropped him off, and I drove back in a used car I bought (a regular car, not a peanut mobile). We took a few photographs of our wonderful country. Please enjoy:

I'm kind of into roadside attractions.

Today's full strip


Regina the NY Diva said...

Glad to see that you had a much better time than Ian has been having lately. Thanks for sharing the pics. I wish you had been driving the peanutmobile during your vacation though. :-)

fauxprof said...

Great vacation shots. My favorite is the one of you and Mrs. Wanders in front of the pretty little house. I've titled it "Happy American Gothic".

Ian's topic for today's assignment is exactly that: "Today's Assignment". What will you do today to make the world a better place? Explain, preferably in iambic pentameter.

Wanders said...

fauxprof, that's my teenaged daughter, but she'll be glad to know she looks older. Also, that's a replica of the house from the Pixar film "UP" that someone had custom built in an otherwise suburban development.

meg said...

As the 'Stone Turns

Our story so far: After a heated quarrel, Ian sleeps on the couch, and Toby packs her cement suitcases.

Later that same day, Toby shows up on Mary's doorstep and asks to stay for a few days until she can work things out.

Mary: (delighted eager schadenfreudely smile playing on her withered old lips) "Of course, Toby! What's (hee hee hee) wrong? Have a cup of tea and a butterScotch muffin and tell me all about it!"

Toby: "I'll pass on the muffin. I really need to take a nap-I'll talk to you later."
She disappears into Mary's guest room.

Mary (to herself): I'll make her a really delicious dinner and then I'll pry it out of her. Mmm. Perhaps the kelk lasagna and a side of chicken salad appetizer? Wonder what Ian has been up to? I knew Toby should have never married that old goat.


Mary and Toby chat over dinner, even though Toby is only able to choke down, er, eat a few bites. She will only tell Mary that she and Ian have quarreled, but won't spill the details.

Toby: "Mary, I'm going to go out for a while- the Claymation Film Festival is at the Santa Royale Cinema, and tonight's the last night. See you later!"

Mary: "Sputter, sputter, but, (door slams) I would have loved to have gone with her. Hope I don't have to stay up too late for her to come home."

Toby drives rapidly to Diner and orders the grayplate special- chicken fried steak, asparagus, creamed corn, mashed potatoes, and butterbeans. For dessert, she enjoys a large dish of strawberry pickle chip ice cream.

Later that evening:

Ian lounges on the double wide chaise lounge at poolside, wearing his new tartan mankini. He sips on a tankard of Auld Sheep Dip as he listens to a mix tape (Lonnie Donegan, Bay City Rollers, tunes from Brigadoon) on his WalkLad, occasionally singing along with Lonnie Donegan (Diz yer chewin' gum lose its flavur oan th' bedpost overnecht?) and wringing out his tear-soaked beard.
"Ach, Toby, Ah thooght we hud a guid life an' Ah ne'er meant tae pit mah career first, but Ah dae loove me some Hilton Berkes." He stands up, staggers, and falls into the pool.

Luckily, and by a strange coincidence, Mary just happens to be peering out through her mini-blinds. She springs into action, runs to the pool, and dives in, Sears nightgown flapping around her ankles. She manages to turn Ian onto his back and he floats majestically along as she drags him to the side and up onto the pool deck. Wilbur, who just happens to be peering out through his mini-blinds, calls 911.

Santa Royale EMTs respond quickly, and wrestle the drunken and pugnacious Ian into the ambulance. He's driven away, shouting "Ah'll fix ye, Mary Worth!"

Meanwhile, Toby is returning from her evening out. As she turns into the Charterstone driveway, the Marymobile comes screeching out, chasing Ian's ambulance. "I know Ian will want me there to help him," Mary thinks smugly.

Toby's car is forced off the road by Mary's wild driving, and once again, Wilbur calls 911. After he sees Toby off to the hospital, he heads to the Cameron apartment hoping to find Ian's Astroturf jacket which is a twin to the one Wilbur lost at sea. "He'll never notice it's missing," thinks Wilbur optimistically.

And at the hospital, Ian and Toby are on adjacent gurneys. Toby looks with some disgust at Ian, and drops a bombshell: "Ian, I'm going to have a baby."

"Och, lassie, that's wonderful. I-"

"It's Hilton Berkes'."

In the background: THUD! "Somebody get the smelling salts, the old lady has fainted."
And eventually Mary comes to with an expression of the utmost happiness on her face.

"Toby- Coold ye nae gab tae Hilton abit mah tenure?

carlnepa said...

MEG MEG MEG!!!! I can't wait to see the movie based on your screenplay based on your short story based on Mary Worth.

Nance said...

Maybe the reason Ian keeps sucking up to Hilton Berkes is that he wants to get out of Adult Ed.

KitKat said...

It's not even 8:30 a.m. EDT, and I'm happily reeling from the previous posts!

1. Wanders, those are terrific photos! Did you use a "wacky roadside attractions" app to find them? Thanks for sharing these.

2. Meg, I'm dazzled!

3. Mr. Giella's "inspiration" for today's strip was an episode of "The Lives and Loves of Dobie Gillus." (Hey, I was a toddler when that aired!)

birdie said...

Great pictures, wanders!

I'm sure you're glad to be seeing pictures of what your son's college classrooms will be like. Be sure to tell him to check the classroom bulletin board for assignments because finding them can be tricky. He might think they'd be online or on a syllabus handout or something.

Chester the Dog said...

How can the rest of the word ASSIGNMENT fit on the blackboard? There is little room for the ENT!

76VDubber said...

Wanders ... you drove all the way to California to take your son to college. Please tell us he now resides in Santa Royale and attends The University!

fauxprof said...

It's not that your daughter looks older, Wanders, it's you who looks as young as she! (Was that a graceful enough wiggle-out? After all, I AM old!). Pace Miss Wanders.

Yahoonski said...

Thanks for sharing, Wanders. I can picture Zippy the Pinhead standing beside you and conversing with those roadside attractions.

heydave said...

Fun pics! I know some of them first hand, which makes them funner!!!

Toots McGee said...

fauxprof's faux pas reminded me of a description I read somewhere of Grant Wood's American Gothic that said matter-of-factly "depicts the farmer and his daughter standing in front of the house...." which made me think, "daughter??" Twenty seconds of online research tells me that this matter isn't settled, but I digress.

Fantastic pictures, Wanders. Thanks for sharing. Have you ever read Another Roadside Attraction, by Tom Robbins? It's about more than roadside attractions, though, but it thought ballooned over my head as I read your post.

There is a website called Roadside America with details, maps, photos etc. of roadside weirdness like this partial dinosaur I drive past when I visit my sister.

Toots McGee said...

There is suppose to be a link on my previous post to a dinosaur:

Sandi Ego said...

The blonde co-ed on the right looks just like my sister in her sorority pic circa late 1960s.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, Wanders! Love your travel photos. I've seen the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, but I had no idea there was a peanutmobile. What a country! :-)