Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Mary Worth 283

Toby, if you think searching online for a DVD about Scotland and clicking "Add to Cart" was difficult, just wait until you discover that your identity's been stolen. I think it's going to take a little more effort than just entering a password and listening to one of Mary Worth's platitudes to solve that problem.

Yesterday, dear reader Eats Shoots and Leaves suggested that Ian did not look like a college professor. To present my counter-perspective, I offer this photograph (circa 1992) of Wanders with the director of my graduate program. Shave the mustache and, voila! He even spoke in a voice you'd imagine coming from Professor Cameron. However, that's where the similarities end; Professor Carl H.P. Dahlgren was an outstanding teacher and administrator. He's since retired, but we still love him! In fact, a scholarship fund in his name at the University of Cincinnati's College-Conservatory of Music just closed a $600,000 campaign, so, rock on, Carl!

Today's Full Strip

15 comments:

Eats Shoots And Leaves said...

You know, Professor Carl H.P. Dahlgren looks a lot like a sea captain.

wanders said...

Touche!

shandyowl said...

Typically, Ian is too wrapped up in his unwrapping to notice that Toby has a serious toothache - or maybe an abscess when you see how swollen her face is.

Does Ian already own the other Sean Finnery dvds? Sean has previously released documentaries on the benefits spouse-beating and how to harp on about how great Scotland is even though he left it decades ago for tax purposes.

As usual, Mary is behind this malevolent mischief. If not actually directly responsible for Toby's identity theft she must at least have suspected what would happen if Toby was allowed "online" unsupervised. Cast your minds back and you will recall that Mary was supposed to help Toby shop for Ian gift then suddenly remembered that she had "paperwork" to "handle". Clearly she knew that Toby would get herself into some sort of bother thus allowing Mary to admonish her "Oh Toby dear, you should really have let me go shopping with you then none of this would have happened".

Mollie said...

Some thoughts on the full strip. First of all: buying a DVD online counts as "planning something"? I hope she didn't bake a cake. And put candles in it. Because that would blow Ian's mind.

And speaking of things that blow one's mind, the jump to "a few days later," after we've just spent, what, two weeks? on a single afternoon, has left me disoriented and woozy. Didn't Toby run any errands we should have known about during those few days? Or did she just sit at home waiting for the Enormoushop.com box to arrive, so she could quickly wrap the DVD in butcher's paper? Oh, never mind, I think I just answered my own question.

spike said...

shandyowl: We all know that Mary is responsible for Toby's identity theft. If Mary had just gone shopping with Toby, then stayed along as Toby got online, none of what's about to unfold would ever have happened in the first place, because Mary would've warned Toby about the dangers of spam, phishing, etc., usw., itd. [avec requisite platitudes], but NOOOOOOO!!! Mary had all this nasty paperwork requiring her immediate and undivided attention. Mary's simply neglected the bonds of her friendship with Toby. That will be changing in the next few days, for sure!

mollie: Forget the birthday cake--I'm sure Ian is just salivating for his scotch and haggis.

And is it just me, or does Sean Finnery [admittedly a cartoon character] bear too close a resemblance to a certain unnamed actor known for his role as James Bond? Twin sons of seperate mothers, perhaps?

shandyowl said...

spike Wouldn't it be joyous if the paperwork the Mary urgently needed to handle was her registration of the "ZIF" and "ZIF!" brands?

shandyowl said...

Hmmm...although that was a little typo I find that "the Mary" has quite a satisfying cadence.

wanders said...

Mollie: A Mary Worth time jump is always disorienting at first. But after a while you come to welcome them as they release a great deal of relativistic pressure. Eventually they become quite pleasant. For now, you might try closing your eyes and counting to ten at a steady pace (remain seated), or simply going outside to play Frisbee.

spike said...

shandyowl: Shouldn't that be the ZAF and ZAF! brands? :-) Santa Royale: Test Market for trendy Consumer Products. Who'd-a-thunk it?

BTW I rather like your term "the Mary". Like Bob Dole, Mary Worth could refer to herself in the third person, and not use her full name.

djangosmom said...

I was thinking along the lines of Molly. I don't think buying a DVD online was such a big deal either. and then all she does is give it to him at dinner. What no party? no friends? Where's Mary?

maconmemad said...

what friends? does Ian really have any friends?

pandagrandma said...

I was thinking the same thing even before today's time warp. Ian was obviously expecting something "extravagant" from his smart, resourceful wife for his birthday! He did enough whining about it!

But here we are, all of a sudden it's the big day, and what, no surprise pool party? Not even a birthday cake and candles? (Although Toby's culinary skills are no doubt in question, you'd think she would have at least called the local bakery sometime in the last few days!) No t-shirt that says "My credit is ruined forever and all I got was this lousy used DVD!" ?

As for Ian’s friends, his prickly and pompous personality has apparently alienated any colleagues, friends, or neighbors he may have had. Looks like Mary doesn't even like him!

Laura and Eric said...

mollie: I share your pain. At first I was ripping out my hair... but then I learned to embrace and accept the timelessness of the strips pace... to deeply appreciate the Zen of Mary Worth, patiently watching a seemingling mundane online order unfold keystroke by keystroke over the course of days (and what dramatic jazz-hand-flinging keystrokes they were!)

And just as I was about to turn my life over to Zen and join an ashram, WHOOSH it's Ian's birthday?? Where's the fire? I had to stand outside and watch the grass grow for two hours to reorient myself.

Now that I have my bearing, I'll just have to take wanders word for it that I will eventually come to appreciate these time warps. But my meditation practice will not be the same.

shandyowl said...

spike Oh dear, I was brimming over with typos, wasn't I? I put it down to post-enormous-lunch food coma kicking in. I have made such an iss of myself.

pandagrandma All of your observations are correct but Ian was treated to special unidentifiable birthday mush

laura and eric Yes, Mary Worth is a very zen-like experience: the lengthy quiet contemplation of an unchanging scene redolent with symbolism followed by the eventual flash of insight.

Anonymous said...

I like how the guy on the dvd cover looks like he accidentally wandered into frame just as they were taking the picture.

Ace shopping, Toby!