Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Mary Worth 382

Mary has killed Lynn. Her heart and brain have just shut down. But as Mary would say, "She's happier now." Shall we be sad that Lynn has died? As Frank would cheerfully say, "Don't be!"

Today's Full Strip


Anonymous said...

Look at that form! I haven't seen such grace since I had to fold up a rusty lawn chair.

Still: Falling is the most graceful thing she's done this whole story. I won't complain.

Anonymous said...

Lynn's ungraceful fall made her elbows purge out her eyeballs. Too bad, cause she really would have enjoyed that EYEpod slathered in the ad behind her. She will now never see that the photo she dropped is one of Beaver Cleaver, in his Easter suit.

Anonymous said...

Karen Moy is so cheap, she had t spread one "Oh!" among five bystanders.

Charlie said...

At least she's with Mrs. Amalfi now. Unless ehe did something really awful. Then she's probably being chased my Mr. Kelrast.

Nathan said...

I'd like to present a little (read: insanely long) piece I've composed for the occasion. Please...enjoy!

"The Fall of Lynn, Or:
A Shakespearean Tragedy"

By Me
(Setting: a skating rink. We see LYNN enter from stage right, followed by MARY, who seems to be pestering her)

Mary: O, unfortunate youth, unhappy child of such a father, I implore thee! Speak unto me now of thy misfortune, and tell me, O doughty daughter, why thou art filled with shame, so that I may Meddle with thee, and doing so, heal thine hurts.

Lynn: Nay, O Mighty Meddl'r, I pray: trouble me no further concerning this matter. For my time has't come, and I must go now and perform that task for which mine life doth subsist... To skate! To skate, forever is mine only joy...

(Lynn makes to go onto the skating rink; as she does so, a photo falls from her pocket)

Mary (aside): She doth refuse me! This maiden knoweth not with whom she trifleth!
(Mary notices the photo)
Wait! Methinks I see a photo, fallen to the ground behind her! Perhaps it may yet proveth of some use in mine Meddling.
(Mary picks up the photo)
O daughter...thou hast dropped this thine photograph...

Lynn (shocked): O! O!

(Lynn snatches the photo from Mary, then breaks down; at the same time, we see FRANK entering from stage right, along with several BYSTANDERS)

Frank: What is't this? Daughter, thou neglectest thine work! Get thee to the skating rink at once, and set thee to thine skating! Knowest thou not that through thee I must yet gain glory and power beyond the dreams of man? O miserable daughter, see now how thou provokest mine wrath?

Mary: Wait! Methinks Lynn is't troubled!

Lynn (overcome): O! O! O!

Frank: She is't distracted! She is't off her game!
(angrily now)
Lynn! Obey thy father's commands! Set thee to thine skating forthwith!

(At her father's command, Lynn makes to enter the skating rink again)

Lynn: O! I cans't not do this!

(Lynn falls)

Lynn: Alas, I am undone...

Mary, Frank, and Bystanders: O!


Anonymous said...

Nathan--and it's only taken Moy and Giella two-plus weeks to convey that.


Charterstone Physicist said...

Purge out her eyeballs? Slathered?


Link3220 said...

Wow! Mary's meddled her way into trouble before, but now she's just changed the course of the next winter olympics! Can you see the headlines in tomorrow's newspapers? "Self-absorbed busybody ruins career of US Olympic hopeful... gets bludgeoned to death by patriotic Americans"

btw... just found this site a couple of days ago... love it! Now I can stop bitching to the g/f about Mary Worth and her ridiculous story lines.

jvwalt said...

See, all Tonya Harding had to do was sic Mary Worth on Nancy Kerrigan. Much more effective than a kneecapping.

I realize that Karen Moy has to make Frank as nasty and insensitive as possible, but even so... his daughter faints, he carries her off the ice, and he's only thinking about the competition? I imagine his next thought is "If I shaved and prepped her while she's out cold, what could I get for her kidneys on the black market?"