"No, Dad, it's not too late! You abandoned me when I was 12 years old. You had no idea what Mom went through, God rest her soul! You drove her to an early grave, and you crippled me emotionally -- I can't even ask a girl out for a second date! You're so drunk you can barely take care of yourself. I've spent the last 25 years resenting the HECK out of you! I couldn't even mention your name without seething in hatred for you and your guts! But now that I know you were just off being a drunken vigilante, I am instantly full of compassion. Please come live with me. It will be so wonderful and heartwarming."
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