Friday, September 7, 2012

Mary Worth 1,400

Mary's scarf has been scaring me for a couple of days now. I mean what happens to her head if you untie that tourniquet? Does it fill with blood so fast that it explodes, or does it just fall off her neck?

Today's Full Strip


Mike in Cleveland said...

Wanders, I've been wondering about the whole ensembles, they're so mismatched. I know it's September, but is Mary walking around in the cool of the morning while Dawn is simultaneously basking in the heat of the afternoon? But wait! Isn't this southern California?? One of these people should be shivering or sweating profusely.

Mike in Cleveland said...

...And oh yes, Dawn, living a meaningful life has to work well for you. You should find a way to help people so that it doesn't feel like any effort or sacrifice on your part. Remember, the people you help are just props to make you feel good about yourself.

For some reason(s) I'm really despising this character.

Thorpnotized said...

Two days in a row without hidden messages?

fauxprof said...

Ah, yes, Dawn, volunteering at Hospital will open your eyes to other kinds of people...other kinds of white,upper-class people, the only kind of people that exist in The Worthiverse. Only they're sick.

(OK, Hobo wasn't upper-class, but I bet he used to be. And there once was a vaguely Hispanic handyman at Charterstone that hasn't been seen in years. Ian probably turned him in to the INS.)

Nance said...

Poor Dawn and her missing eyebrow in Panel One. She looks like a burn victim or at the very least, a Salon Victim.

Volunteering at Hospital has worked well for Mary! It has enlarged her Meddling Sphere, as has taking meals at Diner, subbing in as Dear Wendy, living at Charterstone, and taking walks.

Heaven help the People Of The Universe if Mary ever gets discovered by QVC or HSN or Dr. Phil. She can Power Meddle (registered trademark by MW&M Commenter) by DVD, Infomercial, and syndicated TV show.

KitKat said...

I agree with Mike in Cleveland - I've had it with Miss Self-Centered, "It's All About Me" Weston. I have a murderous urge to strangle her with her pendant.

Fauxprof@7:51 AM, I remember the vaguely Hispanic fellow - he was WAY, WAY in the background.

Maybe next week we'll see five days of Mary telling Toby what she suggested to Dawn.

Punky said...

People, we've been misled. Getting over Dave was just a red herring. This entire plotline has been set up so that Mary could recruit a hospital volunteer. A ship had to sink, lives were lost, little Annie's cries ignored, just so Dawn could end up pushing a book cart down Mountview Hospital's hallways. I'm even more disgusted than before.

Anonymous said...

To volunteer or not to volunteer. Now this is compelling storytelling.

kathyo said...

@fauxprof and KitKat: I think the Hispanic gardener's name was Carlos Ahlora or Alorra or something like that.

Ben J. said...

Apparently Mary is in the fore and Dawn in the back

Imogene said...

Think about it, Dawn: the hospital is full of people you can retell your experience to, and they can't just get up and walk away.

By the way, has mild-mannered reporter Wilbur Weston finished his eyewitness account of The Incident yet?

Brick said...

@ Mike 7:27

Anonymous said...

Dawn's straps are back.

meg said...

Charterstone in Crisis

The Charterstone Four- Ian, Toby, Wilbur and Bonnie Johnson- meet in solemn conclave at midnight in the pool pavilion. Mary Worth- the subject of the meeting- has been taken on a long ride in Dr. Jeff's boat, followed by a long, boozy dinner at Bum Boat, A Restaurant (now under new management).

Wilbur's very life's work is in danger. His columns about the Unita del Mare have stalled- although the first one (see Mary Worth 1397) was well-received- and he has developed writer's block. And now, the Ask Wendy column has devolved into a string of weird and delusional sentences which have no relationship to the questions asked.

For example: Dear Wendy, My future mother-in-law wants to go along on our honeymoon. My fiance has no problem with this because we have a large deluxe cabin on the cruise ship Disunity of the Seas. What should I do? Brittanee
Dear Brittanee, Helping each other is essential if we are to survive as a species. Otherwise we will destroy what we have striven so hard to build- our order, our structure, our quality of life, our purple pants suits, our 1996 Cadillac cars, our recipes for vegetable terrine, our Costco cards, our vcrs, our big gray books. Tell your future mother-in-law to show up at the hospital at 8am tomorrow, and I'll show her the ropes.

It is clear that Mary must be removed from her assignment as Wilbur's replacement. Additionally, Toby reveals that Mary's ever-present coffee cup is filled with Famous Old Grouse, which she has stolen from Ian's likker locker.

Something must be done!

It is decided that Mary must be drawn away from her cozy little den of drink and taken to rehab. Her old friend Gina is contacted and told what to do.

Next day:
Mary's phone rings-it's Gina!
Gina: "Mary, I'm having a baby soon- can you come and help me?"
Mary counts on her fingers, a look of disgust passes over her pruney puss, and she says: "Sorry, Gina, I can't help you. I still have some standards."

The next attempt:
Bonnie: "Mary, it's Bonnie, Bonnie Johnson. I'm going to the Mall of America tomorrow. There's a direct flight from Santa Royale at 6am."
Mary's face turns beet red. "Bonnie, I got you out of your compulsive shopping jam once, you're on your own now. But send me a postcard, and if they have the peach-glow bloomers I favor at Marcy's, bring me a 3-pak."

And another attempt.
Dr. Drew: "Mary, I'm calling from Viet Nam, from Peace Village. Can you come out and volunteer to help with the refugees?"
Mary: "No, I don't want to eat beets, ham, and peas in the village. And I don't work for free anymore."

Ian calls: "Mary, my auld wumman, would ye then like to audit my classes at Edinburgh University Glasgow campus? Don't fash yersel over what to bring- I'll lend you a kilt in the Cameron tartan."
Mary: "Ian, ye gret gormless gowk! I dinna want to lave here- I'm verra thrang."

Toby calls: "Mary, it's so exciting! I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Sarasota to attend an international clown painting seminar at the Ringling Circus Museum! Wanta go along?"
Mary: "Hot diggity! Of course I'll come. I'm getting very tired of whiny people and their problems."

(When Mary and Toby arrive in Saratoga, they are greeted by a trio of white-coated clowns who are driving a tiny ambulance which has several dozen other white-coated clowns in it. And so, Mary enters rehab without realizing it.)

Meanwhile, back at Charterstone:
It is decided that Ian, Dawn, and Bonnie will work on Wilbur's travelog for Paper, and that Wilbur will return to his Ask Wendy gig.

Wilbur sits down at his computer, reaches into the drawer and pulls out the "Ann Landers Big Little Book of Pat Answers". Soon he is deeply engrossed in his work.

Ian, Dawn, and Bonnie settle in to ghostwrite Wilbur's travel stories.
To Be Continued....(or not)

Carlye said...

You know what this strip really is? One of those "find the differences games". Sometimes it's from one day to the other, or in the case of the missing eyebrow, it's just from one panel to another.

Toots McGee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toots McGee said...

Way to go, meg...

our order, our structure, our quality of life, our purple pants suits, our 1996 Cadillac cars, our recipes for vegetable terrine, our Costco cards, our vcrs, our big gray books

don't forget our heartbeat of America, our Kinney shoes, our tinker toys and Puerto Rican rum....

Vicki said...

too funny, Meg! Truly, white-coated clowns WOULD be the only way Mary would go into rehab. (I hope Toby can still attend her clown painting classes while she's there.)

Volunteering at the hospital is all about Dawn, of course. And she wouldn't have to really HELP anyone, she'd just be seeing that there are "different" kinds of people. That alone would make her a better person. (She needs to locate her eyebrow,though, b/c that could scare small children!)

Now about Carlos Alorra, the Latino groundskeeper/maintenance man...remember Mary and her gardening shears? Her very, very SHARP shears? Well, no one has seen Carlos since. I'm just sayin'.

Mary Worthless said...

I think it's amazing that Wanders said yesterday that Dawn would have to wear shoulder straps to help out at the hospital, and today, presto!, shoulder straps have sprouted!

Anonymous said...

I don't know if kindness to others and selflessness would work as well for me, Mary.


Anonymous said...

Love the 'subtle as a sledgehammer' approach to showing us what a self-centered hypocrite this girl is. WE GET THE POINT ALREADY!

A better strategy for Mary to use to get Dawn to volunteer at the hospital would be to remind her of all the eligible single doctors she'd be mingling with. THAT'LL get her attention!!

Nance said...

Oh, meg! I was laughing so hard at the Glaswegian (sp?) dialect of Ian AND Mary.

fauxprof said...

Meg, I wish my students were that creative--Heck, I wish I were that creative! However, I must assert that Famous Grouse whiskey is too darn good for that phony Scotsman, Ian, and I doubt if Mary could appreciate anything more sophisticated than Skinnygirl Margaritas.

meg said...

Nance, fauxprof- Cannae ye tell I'm a naive drinker of Scotch, oops, a native speaker of Scots?

birdie said...

Dawn has decided to find meaning in her life by rescuing all the poor, passengerless sailboats in Santa Royale.

Punky said...

Birdie: or else she's thinking "Reminds me of Dave."

I'm not sure when Mary was given ultimate authority for the raising of Dawn, but she's sounding awfully bossy today. "She can try it and see if it works for her" is very different from "well, you're her father, you know best." Are we really going to spend the next week watching a debate on whether or not Dawn is going to volunteer at the hospital? Quick, someone get a snack for Wilbur.