Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The 2012 Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentleman, Loyal Readers, and Citizenry of Santa Royale! Welcome to the Fifth Annual Worthy Awards, broadcasting to you live and in living color from Santa Royale, California, just outside of Goleta!

Tonight the stars come out to shine as we celebrate the outstanding achievements of 2012 in the popular serial comic strip Mary Worth. There's a lot planned for this special evening, and the condo board has been working harder than ever to make sure this evening is as fantastic as ghost pie!

So without further ado, let's get things started with an exciting opening musical number.

Each year, we begin our honors with a special tribute to a Mary Worth character who died during the course of the year. This year, the coveted Worthy Award for best dead character goes to Jim's dead sister Merry!

Congratulations, Merry! Enjoy your trophy in heaven! You will live on in Jim, and creepily, in his girlfriend as well.

And now, dear readers, your votes have been counted. Thousands of votes were cast this year, making the 2012 Worthy Awards our biggest ever (with a special thanks to Josh at the Comics Curmudgeon for encouraging everyone to vote).

The nominees for OUTSTANDING PROP in 2012 are:

Mary's Big Computer

Big Rubber Finger

Chin Napkin

Jim's New Arm

And the Worthy Award goes to: 

Jim's New Arm

Congratulations to Jim and his new arm. It's been a well liked arm and is working out really well. Plus, it's helped Jim suppress his moody dark side.

Guest characters play a special role in Mary Worth. Each year, several strangers wander into the story and steal our hearts as Mary Worth meddles away their sense of independence and self esteem. And now...


Magical Hobo

Nola Wolvenson

Emily Smith from Goleta


And the Worthy Award goes to:


This is one-armed Jim's first Worthy Award. It's true -- he may not have won Dawn Weston's heart, but who among us could resist the charm of a wanna-be Aquaman afraid of the ocean.

This year, profanity played a special part in Mary Worth. A very special part. Never before had we seen four symbol words used so prolifically (or even at all). But this year, people were swearing all over the place. Each time an obscenity crossed the lips of one of Mary Worth's guest characters (never would an established character use such language), we had a heightened sense of the tensions that drove each person toward their ultimate destiny.

The nominees for OUTSTANDING USE OF PROFANITY in 2012 are:

Dan Smithers

Nola Wolvenson

Wayne the Kidnapper

Cruise Ship Passenger

Cruise Ship Captain

And the winner is:

Cruise Ship Captain

Or is that Curse Ship Captain? Ha ha ha ha.

Mary Worth's established characters provide a sense of continuity in Santa Royale. Often observers of the Worthiverse around them, from time to time, established characters rise to play a pivotal role in the chain of events.


Mary Worth

Wilbur Weston

Dawn Weston

Jeff Cory, M.D.

And the winner is:

Wilbur Weston
Oh my gosh! This is Wilbur's third Worthy in a row! Wilbur Weston THREEPEATS!! It's never been done before! He's bigger than Tom Hanks. He's bigger than Spencer Tracy! He is bigger than Tom Hanks and Spencer Tracy put together!! 
And now, all Mary Worth stories are made of moments we never forget: 

The nominees for OUTSTANDING PANEL of 2012 are:

Jim "Bob"

Our Social Order

Reminds me of Dave

Gina in the Sky

And the winner is:

Reminds me of Dave

Really no surprise here whatsoever.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for:

The nominees for OUTSTANDING STORY of 2012 are:

Woo-Hoo Bobby

Whatever Nola Wants

Kidnapped! (or Free Ice Cream)

Life is Brutal
And the outstanding story for 2012 is:

Life is Brutal

And so, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you for your votes. Thank you for your daily comments. Thank you for your wonderful support of this outstanding comic strip. Each day is a new adventure, or at least a new sentence in an adventure. If you call decorating a cake an adventure. And that's what makes Mary Worth great. When I wake in the morning, I know two things: The sun will rise, and there will be a few more sentences in the current Mary Worth story. And that's what keeps me going.

But no matter what happens, we'll always have Mountview.


Inkwell said...

At this point I'm convinced that the artist is just trying to milk Wilbur for more Worthies. He cracks me up every time he's onscreen.

Another wonderful ceremony!

Nancy said...

As for the runners-up, they can console themselves with the thought that it's an honor to be nominated.

NonnyMus2 said...

Great. Chin napkin loses out again and has to go back to pretending to be a ghost at kid's parties while waiting for its big break!

Anonymous said...

I know three things--the sun will rise (somewhere, perhaps not in Oregon), there will be another Mary Worth strip, and when I open Mary Worth and Me, I'm guaranteed a major laugh. Keep it up, early morning man!

fauxprof said...

Ah, my very first Worthy Awards! The Stars! The glamour! The videos that won't play on this danged iPad! Thanks, Wanders, and all the other commenters, for making my early mornings bright.

Peggy Olson said...

Amazing awards presentation, Wanders. So much more entertaining than the Oscars or Emmys! (And the opening song revealed a new, unexpected meaning to the phrase "Thunderbirds are Go.")

But, come on! Dan Smithers didn't win? Why, @#$%##!

KitKat said...

Huzzah and a humongous thank-you to Wanders for this fabulous ceremony! It is boffo from the Thunderbirds beginning to the brutal Celine Dion end! Reliving all those 2012 MW moments brought tears (of laughter) to my eyes.

The Thunderbirds theme has a line about it being cool when a spaceship comes out of a pool. Karen Moy, are you listening for the next Charterstone pool party?

Nance said...

WOW! This was my first Worthies, and it will not be my last.

I am still not over the final video retrospective.

Thunderbirds Are GO!

Anonymous said...

Great awards! I am a little disappointed that the Happy Hobo didn't get a trophy to place next to his ketchup collection though. Maybe this year he can come back and heal someone with a magical, "Are you okay?"

Thorpnotized said...

I made the mistake of checking out the Worthy Awards before bed last night. It took me awhile to get "Thunderbirds Are Go" out of my head so I could fall asleep. But it was worth it.

phoebes in santa fe said...

I'm a long-time fan of "Chin Napkin" but it didn't deserve to win this year, and I'm glad it didn't. Too many other good entries. The year it did deserve to win was when it was magically stuck to Mary's chin, held up with no visible means of support.

I'd also like to suggest an on-going special award for "eating implements", which are always shown as an extension of the person's fingers. Uncle Joe just cannot draw a fork or spoon!

heydave said...

I can get over the rigged voting. Really.

I will never be able to get over the throbbing, raw emotions that swell inside when realizing how much of my life hinges directly on the daily output from the Worthiverse.

@%#$@#, yeah!

Brownie The Magic Hobo said...

Rushes the stage, grabs the mike from Wilbur...

I'm sorry, Wilbur, I'm gonna let you finish, but I just gotta say, Nola Wolvenson had the BEST storyline of ALL time! The BEST! Of all TIME!

Looks sheepish, skulks off to shopping cart, swigs from bottle, mumbles to self...

Nancy said...

Wonderful Worthies, and all well-deserved. Wanders, you and this blog never cease to amaze me. The Worthies are the perfect cap to a wonderful year.

One thing remains unresolved, though: Where did Jim's new arm *come* from? Is he secretly a starfish? Did he have it surgically re-attached? Is it a prosthesis? Did I miss the three-week explanation of all this? I suppose we'll never know.

Hermite said...

Fantastic awards show! And that last video sure summed it all up.

Great work, Wanders

meg said...

Mary: "I'll advising the lonely, the lovelorn, those looking for another viewpoint." Thank you, Wanders, for including this panel in the 'My Heart Will Go On' retrospective. Now I understand why Mary keeps typing that claptrap into her giant computer. Those are her viewpoints, which apparently someone is looking for.
Now my brain can go on.

meg said...


kathyo said...

Wow! I was so blown-away by the excitement of the Worthy Awards this morning, that I forgot to read today's Mary Worth and had to log back in. An excellent show, Wanders; imagine what you could do for the local TV ratings as producer and emcee for the Santa Royale Cake Design Competition.

Dave in Parma said...

And a Worthy Award to Wanders, the site's very own Billy Crystal, for hosting this gala event.

As a side note, I'm still amazed that Uncle Joe and Ms. Moy were able to squeeze 5 stories into the year--that's not a lot of time! Must have been the leap year day.

Anonymous said...

Well done, Wanders! I just noticed today that the lower half of Gina's giant head is covered by a transparent cloud. Even with that, though, that panel can't top "Reminds me of Dave".

Ah, Thunderbirds. I guess Deke was left out of the name possibilities because he didn't fly a Mercury mission, and Wally...well, considering the Thunderbirds creator was British...

I like this version of the theme (Thunderbirds Theme Tune--Royal Marine Band if the link doesn't work). Some of the acknowledgements are fun to read. Pip pip tallyho!


--Beagle Vet

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

I, for one, am disguested at the obvious prejudice directed at Chin Napkin, who, as an inanimte object is a less symthatic character than Jim's "arm"...There was no more worthy a contender this awards season than Chin Napkin. For Jim's "arm" (which is of questionable origin) to win is unconsciionable and suggests votor fraud. Please join me in boycotting all advertisers to the Worthy Awards.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading this website for a year, and this is my first comment. Had to tell you, that video was AMAZING!!

Wanders said...

Chin Napkin! Please don't boycott my advertisers! I need the revenue that is generated when you don't boycott them.

Thank you.

limber Joe said...


Anonymous said...

Excellent. Great video.

pq said...

"Where did Jim's new arm *come* from?"

It got better.

Andre Jones said...

hahaha! i remember when i was used to draw at college publications. the comics was cool! very much illustrated

25 black napkins