Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Mary Worth 1,599

Great idea, Tom! Then you can have two mothers! Beth AND Elinor. I wonder if there are any other women at Charterstone whom you could add to the collection. #panel_two

Today's Full Strip

22 comments:

KitKat said...

Tom's chest hair was not as noticeable when I read MW in the newspaper, thank goodness. That would have ruined my breakfast. It's bad enough that Tom is going Oedipal - OMG!

"Baby man" - ha ha!

Are Elinor and her neighbor meeting in the old ladies' locker room at Charterstone? Neighbor forgot to remove her hair rollers, too.

Anonymous said...

The mailboxes at Charterstone are bigger than my locker was at my high school. Big enough to hold all those Dear Wendy letters for Mary too.

Yahoonski said...

"...a package deal of the both of you." Once again, Moy perfectly captures the natural cadences of young lovers. I think, however, that Elinor was misquoted here; surely she must have said "?" instead of "!"

Gina said...

And Mary can be Uber-Mother to them all. Perfect!

Maude Findlay said...

Elinor's facial expression in panel 2 is killing me! Ooh, it's on, now! She is MAD. Neighbor Lady looks like Tony Bennett in a bad wig.

Nance said...

Tom Harpman, master of Instant Love.

phoebes in santa fe said...

Is that a hand reaching up from below to hand Elinor her mail? Because it sure isn't attached to her.

Do we think Tom and Beth have "done the dirty deed" yet?

Show of hands. Yes? No? They're not equipped for it because Tom's a Ken doll?

Anonymous said...

So, Margaret Hamilton (aka The Wicked Witch of the West) is friends with Elinor? Where's Toto?

Toots McGee said...

Now is Elinor inclined to get chummy with other Charterstone residents, enough so that Ms. Scary Curler Neighbor has become familiar enough to feel free to offer commentary about Beth's social life?

Thorpnotized said...

In my opinion, Tom's declaration of love today is way off the "ick factor" chart. Now I can't get the image of the three of them as a... club sandwich... out of my mind.

Brick said...

My thoughts exactly, Toots. Isn't Elinor a reclusive newcomer, or has she joined the Charterstone quilting bee?

Toots McGee said...

Exactly Brick...having thought more about this (I'm scaring myself of late), the more organic way for Elinor to discover Beth and Tom's relationship would be to read about it in the Charterstone Newsletter, maybe even as a blind item in the gossip column:

Which Dowdy Romance Novelist Has Been Seen Pitching Woo With Which Formerly Lonely Bachelor?

Marge said...

I've been wondering for days, maybe weeks, why Elinor isn't giving Beth and/or Mary her version of the Inquistion. What excuse has Beth been giving? She can't go to the store or consult with Mary that often.

kathyo said...

That is Thing reaching up to hand Elinor her mail. He used to do that in the Addams Family's mailbox also.

meg said...

Mary v Elinor

When Elinor discovers that Mary has been helping Beth deceive her, relations between the two old bags deteriorate.

To wit: Mary calls Elinor late at night and asks about 'Prince Albert in a can'. To retaliate, Elinor leaves a bag of flaming dog poo on Mary's doorstep. Then Mary has Dominos deliver 10 extra large tuna, anchovy, and asparagus pizzas to Elinor's house right in the middle of Elinor's favorite tv show* while Mary watches, giggling, from her balcony. Elinor calls the DEA to report the large cannabis plants which Mary is growing in her apartment.

Something must be done! Only one man is brave enough to step forward to restore peace.

"Enoogh!" says Ian Cameron, th' unofficial majur domo ay Charterstain. "Ye tois kimers, an' Ah use th' term loosely, main gonnae-no thes pish. Ah propose a dance-off, an' th' loser will hae tae apologize tae th' winner."

Both ladies, and I use the term loosely, agree to the dance-off. Ground rules are agreed upon, and it is decided that the dance-off will occur at the Charterstone Memorial Day picnic. Mary and Elinor go into their separate rehearsal halls with their respective coaches, Toby, and Nancy Grace.

It's the big day! The residents of Charterstone, full of barbecued salmon patties and pink cake, look on, slack-jawed and glaze-eyed.

First up is Mary, wearing a lavender track suit, and she's dancing to Chuck Berry's Maybelline. Mary seems a little stiff, but she's getting into the groove...and now she's doing the duck walk! The crowd goes wild as she steps across the pavilion. Unfortunately, she seems to be stuck in her squat and Toby must help her offstage (actually behind the barbecue grill).

Here's Elinor, also wearing lavender, a long shift dress paired with a long sweater. Her music is..."Moves Like Jagger". And by gum, she does, arms akimbo, mouth pursed into duck lips, going faster and faster. The Charterstone crowd is appreciative, at least until she stops and croaks, "Beth, my pills!"

Mary's back up now, looking somewhat the worse for wear, and she's performing the Mexican Hat Dance. She does well with the Ta-da ta-da ta-da, ta-da ta-da ta da part, but slows down considerably with the ta-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ta part. Well, that was more like the Mexican beanie dance. Mary staggers offstage.

Does Elinor have any gas left in the tank? She's doing the moon-walk to Michael Jackson's 'Billie Jean.' It's not bad, but her arthritis seems to be acting up. She moon walks offstage.

What does Mary have for us now? Ah, it's the Twist. C'mon Mary, let's do the twist. We're gonna twisty twisty twisty until your knees break down. And she's done....

Elinor is a game gal. She's dancing Gangnam Style! Oppa Gangnam style! Gangnam style! Another short number in the competition as she is wheeled offstage.

The judges (Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno) confer. They are calling for a tie-breaker! Do either of these women have anything left? The tie-breaker is the Russian dancing men number from Fiddler on the Roof! Oh, the humanity! The bell rings...and neither competitor leaves her corner. Mary Worth is downing a giant snifter of creme de menthe, and Elinor is chugging a flask of Captain Morgan's. It's a 'No Mas' moment for both of the old girls. What next? Toby and Nancy Grace wheel their dancers toward one another.

And I don't believe it! Mary and Elinor are embracing drunkenly, sobbing, "I love you, man." The great rivalry is over. But I must say, if I had to choose a winner, Elinor had a lot more rhythm.

*Aching Bad

RobC said...

Beth and Elinor...

Wait... why am I reminded of Ethan Frome?

Beth and Elinor ,Mattie and Zenobia.

I can see Tom and Beth going sledding and hitting a tree. Years from now we'll meet a crippled Tom, a paralyzed Beth and good ol 'Mom all living together in HELL!

fauxprof said...

Coming late to the fray today, I am humbled by the accumulated brilliance. It seems wrong to single out just one comment, but, Maude Findlay, you had me at "Tony Bennett in a bad wig".

JustSayin' said...

Oh, the kelk is going to hit the fan now! Elinor is livid. How dare her handmaiden, er, I mean daughter, actually think she can have a life of her own that doesn't center around dear old mother?!?

Instead of seeing the face off, we'll probably get another: 'several weeks later..."

Nance said...

RobC--great literary reference, but that would be giving KM way too much credit for smarts.

Although, she did read Vanity Fair in order to steal the cruise ship story.

Wait...that was the magazine...!

meg said...

EVERYONE.WILL.BE.GLAD.WHEN.THEY.READ.THE THURSDAY.STRIP.

not worthy said...

WHAT.KIND.OF.LITERARY.DEVICE.IS.THAT?

Seattlepi.com posts tomorrow's strip early.

jennahrationex said...

MAYBE.CURLER-WEARING LADY.THINKS. - oh, I can't keep that up - Elinor couldn't hear the proclamation of Beth's new relationship. Elinor's hearing loss is the only possible reason she wouldn't be brimming with joy that Beth has a gentleman caller! Therefore, curler lady has to ENUNCIATE. That's my guess.