Friday, March 21, 2014

Mary Worth 1786

Oh, I can hardly wait! Wilbur's going to suggest something else to Iris. I hope it's a job idea for Tommy, and not just a sandwich idea like "extra mayo." Because another job idea would be really exciting.

Today's Full Strip


KitKat said...

Wilbur Weston is the last person on earth who should be giving job suggestions to ANYONE. The same goes for his advice regarding adult children who can't leave the family nest. Hasn't Dawn (remember Dawn?) been taking classes at The University for something like seven years?

Muscato said...

So - does Mary have a walk-in closet (well, it is a condo after all, and so I hope well provided with such amenities) full of lilac sportswear with draped necklines, or just one outfit that she wears until it falls apart (at which point, presumably, she switches to her fabulous black T-shirt with fuchsia palm tree)?

Nance said...

"Speaking of which"--Is that Meddlespeak for "did you get my drift?"

Meanwhile, back at Charterstone, Tommy is in the throes of despair and has already drunk the mouthwash, the cough syrup, and Iris' facial toner.

Maybe Mary can take Tommy to New York--I hear it's lovely in the Spring!--and get him help from Dear Whatsername and Thatplace. It will give her a chance to reconnect with Whatsisface in the coat.

fauxprof said...

Let's see .... Wilbur works, after a fashion, at a newspaper. And even in these days of the interwebs, newspapers have classified ads that list--jobs! Maybe it will occur to Wilbur to suggest that Tommy check the classifieds?

OMG, I just noticed one of my PYNAR words is "positions"!

Yahoonski said...

Careful, folks. This is like the party game where people sit in a circle, and one whispers a story into his neighbor's ear, and by the time the story comes back to him it is totally different. Here we have too many links in the chain of suggestions. For instance, Mary may suggest that Tommy should get off his duff and apply for the job of blackjack dealer at the casino next to the drug store. But by the time the suggestion has been filtered through Wilbur and Iris, Tommy will think he should eat some clams casino at the Bum Boat, take a shot of Jack Black, and go back to drug dealing.

heydave said...

...taking over "Ask Wendy" for a few months!?!?!... That one almost slipped past me.

Yeah, the strain of knocking out platitudes, missing points and making ham sammiches must surely suck up so much time in one's day.

meg said...

Suggestions for Tommy:

Chef at Peace Village- we already know he can cook, and Dr. Drew would enjoy having him as a work-out partner.

Carrier for Paper- his previous experience at delivering things throughout Santa Royale should be helpful.

Driving Miss Mary- put him behind the wheel of the Oldsmobuick, and he'll give MW a ride she'll never forget.

Replace Mr. Allora when he retires- Charterstone can use someone with the skills Tommy learned in the big house- locksmithing, receiving and delivering packages, exercising in the yard.

Replace Mr. Alora- see above.

Artist's model for Toby- she likes to paint men with wild and crazy hair who wear baggy orange suits.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

Will Tommy land a job and will Wilbur land Iris? Truly compelling theater.

Dave in Parma said...

Is writing 'Ask Wendy' really a 40 hour a week job?

With that snappy hair, Tommy needs to March himself down to 'Mall' and apply at Abercrombie and Fitch, or at least the Santa Royale outlet mall version that caters to ex-cons (Incriminate and Snitch).

meg said...

Now on the CNN 'crawl':

Otherwise sensible and mature people debate job prospects of imaginary ex-con.

Anonymous said...

Must be Wilbur lost his other Hulk Hand - he seems to be wearing only one.

Hulk hands:

Wilbur's Suggestion... said...

Maybe they could find one of those fun "name generator lists" like on Facebutt, only this one would be for jobs! You know the ones I'm talking about..."Take the first letter of your first name, then the first letter of the month you were born, next, the last letter of your last name" etc. It could end up like: Pickle Skin Inspector, or something fun like that!

KitKat said...

The post office and Santaroymart were Tommy's only employment options? By the way, Tommy, the post office "didn't want" you because you failed the test. Your awful hair and surly demeanor had nothing to do with it.

Anyone want to bet that Tommy will run iinto Mary on his way out?

Nance said...


Oh no. Tommy finds Bad Influences smoking and drinking out of paper bags.

Do you think Mary will walk by and have her purse stolen?

Gosh, I hope so.

meg said...

How did Tommy get to Central Park so fast? If only Ken Kensington will come along and rescue Tommy from Smokey Smokerson and Baggy Baggerson, this story can still have a happy ending.

meg said...

And, Mary- by tough love, do you mean throwing a recovering addict back out on the street in hopes that he can save himself? Probably won't work, but at least Iris will have her place to herself.

KitKat said...


Does Iris have a studio apartment? There's a sofa, with Tommy spilling over the edge, and a chair about a foot away. However, what appears to be a chest of drawers is at left.

When Iris returns from The University, Tommy can update her about his hard night of job hunting in the Santa Royale business district.

Nance said...

Times are tough in Santa Royale. The only two places that are hiring are Santaroymart and Post Office, neither of which will hire Tommy.

How old is he, anyway? And how dumb is Iris? It's a wonder she got into The University.

(They did take Dawn, though....)

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

@Nance: Hey, don't knock Dawn! She's the smart one in the family!

KitKat said...


Apparently Tommy emerged from his hangover after Mumsie left for The University (in yesterday's strip) and pulled out the sofa bed. Did he find that dagger tattoo online, or did he draw it with a Sharpie?

"I got dinner for us on the way back! And guess what - Kelk Kanopy is hiring!"

Maude Findlay said...

Here's how the next week of the strip should go-

''I already applied at Kelk Kanopy, Mom- but it's just not for me. You know I don't follow instructions well! What can you do?''

''Hmm, yes... Well, I ran into Bonnie Johnson... You know, Bonnie, Bonnie Johnson? down at the mailboxes, and she was telling me that Turnip Julius, down at the Mall is also hiring. They also need a bus boy down at Salmon Square Sanctuary.''

''But Mooooom, I already signed up on all the online job sites, and there's nothing that's for me! By the way, did you get extra krispy kelkie bites, with extra sauce?''

''Yes dear, I know how you like them. Say, why don't you sign up for a class or two at The University with me? Maybe that will help your job search, too!''

''Ah, come on, Ma! You *know* I can't retain information! University is not for me... Oh, there *is* extra sauce for the kelkie bites, right?''

''Of course, dear. Ooh, look here, in the Santa Royale Penny Saver! *Professional Artist, miniatures a specialty, seeks male model for drawings, paintings, sculptures, long quiet evenings... Yada, yada, yada... *$50 an hour! And it's right here at Charterstone! Oh Tommy, that sounds perfect! Everyone always said you had perfect bone structure!''

''Evening work? I don't know...''

''Let me guess... It's not for you?''

''Well really! I'd have to stand really still, for a really long time! Geez, Mom, get off my back!''


Dave in Parma said...

It's cue up the jukebox Wednesday:

"When you're alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go... downtown
When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know, downtown

Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares

So go downtown
Things will be great when you're downtown
No finer place for sure, downtown
Everything's waiting for you (EXCEPT A JOB....)

KitKat said...

The prospect of food excited Tommy so much, he folded away the sofa bed in no time! Now on to dinner from Restaurant, which packs its food in unlabeled brown bags (tres chic!).

I give up - in the second panel, what is the fuchsia object sticking out of the closet? It matches Iris's clothes. Is it an extra arm, or another sleeve?

Thorpnotized said...

I think this calls for Wanders to repost his rendition of "Downtown", sung while playing the ukulele.

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

This just isn't right. With so happening in Santa Royale, I find it unconscionable that Wanders has abandoned his post. How are we to keep up without a leader?

Nance said...

@Dave in Parma--You know, I never really realized that the song "Downtown" was about alcohol and drug abuse. But now that you've listed the lyrics, and I remember the yellowy panel of Tommy and the Undesirables, I get it now.

And Petula Clark seemed so wholesome.

Yahoonski said...

No, Ma, it's not looking for a job that's stressful; it's being asked about it every five seconds that's stressful.

KitKat said...


Exhaustive research (checking the past few weeks of MW strips) reveals the startling fact that Iris is ambidextrous! She's using her left hand to spoon glop today (and to grab Tommy), but when she ate breakfast several weeks ago she held her cup in her right hand. Per the Mental Floss website, "The ambidextrous are more likely to possess the LRRTM1 gene (on chromosome 2), which is linked to schizophrenia." A schizophrenic Iris would add excitement to the Worthiverse, wouldn't it?

fauxprof said...

Mmmmmm....salmon mush takeout from the Bum Boat. What could be tastier?

So, today Tommy has a snake tattoo on his arm. What are the chances of Uncle Joe remembering that in the future?

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Tommy has a snake tattoo on his right arm and a dagger tattoo on his left arm. Oh, sooooooo dreamy! *sigh!*

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...


Where is everyone today? Tommy is hitting his Mommy up for cash! I knew that would happen. He seems like a perfect boyfriend for my twin sister!

Anonymous said...

Tommy apparently spent every last penny of what he had to get his hair cut and styled by Dawn's hairdresser.

KitKat said...

I hope Wanders is simply extremely busy and has not lost interest in the Worthiverse. We're a ship without a rudder without him!

So Iris is a widow, not a divorcee. I was hoping for the latter and some choice words from Iris to Tommy about his "no good, rotten, #>€%^*! father." Alas, no such luck. Maybe Mary can introduce Iris to the Widow June and talk about dear departed Jack, too.

Anonymous said...

The secret message says "Love is not for Wilbur." Maybe Mary Worth is not for Wanders

meg said...

Perhaps Wanders needs a little appreciation... It's great that he volunteers to entertain us.

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