Friday, May 16, 2014

Mary Worth 1812

There is nothing like a good redemption story. And this is nothing like a good redemption story.

Today's Full Strip


KitKat said...

I knew there was going to be a floating head of Saint Mary of Santa Royale! Karen Moy is so transparent.

How many days until we see Tommy sweeping floors at Jerry's, and meeting Waitress Tina? Will Moy wrap things up by Sunday, or will this drag on for another weak week? Or weeks?

TimP said...

Insert joke about Tommy's potential as a brownnoser here.

Aldo K said...

Waaaaait a minute, friends. Are you not jumping to conclusions? Tommy has not been offered any job. We just know that a position is AVAILABLE. Jerry might not be keen on hiring an ex-con, who he may very well recognize as a neer-do-well who used to frequent (or steal from?) his midtown eatery with his druggie cohort back in the days before his incarceration.

On second thought, who am I kidding? This magnificent thought balloon of Mary is clearly foreshadowing of Tommy's impending new career as a hard-working contributor to society.

LouiseF said...

Ditto, Aldo. I think we've reached that critical mass of inaction that happens in the Worthiverse where if we have even ONE more day or so of character vaccillating, readers will desert en masse and start reading "Hagar the Horrible". . . I predict Tommy in an apron with a broom by early next week at the latest.

meg said...

Santa Royale Whig Herald

Santa Royale Man Wins Dual Tonys

Thomas Jefferson Beedie, formerly of Santa Royale, was awarded two Tonys last evening at Broadway's annual awards show. Beedie won for best drama with 'Who's Afraid of Virgil Woolf', in which George, a prisoner, and his long-time cellmate, Martin, drink pruno and quarrel through the night. Two younger inmates in the adjacent cell try to intervene, drink pruno, and quarrel with one another also.

Beedie, in a first of its kind occurrence, also won for Best Musical for 'Guys and Guys', featuring the catchy song Sit Down, Sit Down, Sit Down, Sit Down, You're Rocking the Top Bunk.

In his touching acceptance speech, Beedie recognized his mother, Iris Beedie Weston Cory, and thanked her for her help in keeping him on a fold-out sofa in her living room. Then, in a dramatic turn, he also thanked one Mary Worth, his neighbor in Santa Royale:
"Were it not for Mary Worth and her diligent snooping and meddling, I would still be mopping floors at Jerry and Wilbur's Sandwich Shoppe. Mary, it was a wonderful day when you found my copy of Playwriting for Dummies under my mattress, and when you had the courage and chutzpah to copy all the files from my computer and show them to former Broadway legend Ken Kensington, my life changed for the better. Mr. Kensington put me in touch with an agent and the rest is history. My plays have been produced all over the world. Mary, will you stand up and take a bow?"

Mary stands, wearing a lavender pantsuit heavily embellished with diamante sequins. As the crowd chants "Mar-ry Wo-orth, clap clap clap clap clap clap", Mary says, "Thanks, Tommy, I'll be selling the 3 pound size of my famous tuna casserole in the lobby at intermission."

Throughout the evening, scenes from other Beedie plays and musicals were performed, including:

'The Micondo', featuring Ken Kensington as KoKo

We're three little cons from cellblock three, freed from the pen-i-tenti-ary,
We'll crash with Tom and then rob Mary;
Three little cons are we.

'1200 Angry Men'

Inmates argue over the results of the annual prison talent show. Bernie Madoff sings, They Won't Get Fooled Again and narrowly defeats OJ Simpson singing If I Did It, (time and again I would try to say, I didn't do it).

'Hello, Solly!'

Well, hello Solly, it's so good to see you back here in the pen. It's just swell, Solly, I hear tell, Solly, you've been convicted of tax fraud once again.

After the Tony presentation, Beedie and his family enjoyed dinner at Sardi's and engaged in a lengthy drunken argument which gave the playwright a basis for his next drama, Long Day's Journey into Charterstone. Mary Worth, who was not invited, went home to a hot water bottle and a large glass of pruno.

(This bit is oh, so totally Laaaaaame.
Meg has no one but herself to Blaaaaaame).

Flummoxicated said...

I sure hope Iris' daughter makes the right decision.

TeacherPatti said...

Can we now please replace "that's what she said" with "that's what Mary said"??? Please??

Tony said...

Hmmm, Mary said it first, and Ma affirmed it It must be so.

Dave in Parma said...

You beat me to it Teacher Patti..

Ken's Orange Overcoat said...

Redemption involves making up for your wrongs, such as the former drug dealer going to school and becoming an addictions counselor or a thief making enough money in honest ways so she can pay back her victims.

It is a crummy tale indeed when Tommy's big redemption is cleaning toilets at a sandwich shop at minimum wage! Iris is still going to have to support him.

Carlye said...

Meg, just what are YOU imbibing, and where can I get some? Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Pretty soon Tommy will be sporting a WWMD? wrist-band.

meg said...

Carlye dahling- I never imbibe, but when I do, it's always a Pruno Colada! Just check google for the pruno recipe and don't forget the ketchup packets.

Blond Tresses said...

I love it when a grown man rocks his mom's hairstyle! I bet they get mistaken for twins all the time.

Dave in Parma said...

Meanwhile Tommy mulls has options, er, option:

--I could work at the restaurant
--They have food (good!)
--But food is just a perk (bad)
--But they might let me do other things if I work well (good!) move up to fry guy, clean the grill, or become Jerry's personal man-servant (really not so good)

Tommy continues to mull the job offer that he not only was never offered by the person responsible for the hiring (Jerry), but actually considers not taking the job offer that was never extended to him because it is beneath an unemployed felon.

I'm really torn on the desired direction of this 'plot': should Iris finally explode on Tommy when he decides not to apply, or should Tony just go to Jerry and accept the job Sunday so we can move on to another inane circumstance by Monday?

Conclusion: I really need to get back involved with another hobby.

QuakerJohn said...

You can tell Tommy is a changed man because he now calls Iris "Mom" instead of channeling his inner Cody Jarrett and calling her "Ma".

TeacherPatti said...

@Dave in Parma ~ re: "you beat me to it"
that's what Mary said :)