Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Mary Worth 1826

Evy, Olive and Ed Taylor. From New York! Once again, that magical metropolis of masculine musical theatre megastars, ice skating princesses, and celebrity weddings is beckoning Mary Worth home.

Today's Full Strip


fauxprof said...

Well, they seem like a nice, normal little family. But, since they're in MW, there has to be something wrong with them.

Ed has a black mustache and goatee, which usually denotes "bad guy" in this strip, as in 1930s B-movies.

Evy may be the newest cast member on "Real Housewives of Santa Royale".

Or--and I'm hoping for this one--little Olive may be a precocious, obnoxious, manipulative sociopath like Sarah in "Rex Morgan, MD". Now, THERE would be a challenge for Mary!

New Yorker said...

Mary says:

"Oh, New York! Why, you simply MUST know my dear friends Shelly Cohen and Broadway legend Ken Kensington!

Why, Evy, are you not wearing a scarf? They are all the rage in New York! Now, come have some chicken salad appetizers and sit whilst I tell you all about it! Then, you may tell ME all about your dysfunctional family!"

KitKat said...

Stay away from the chicken salad appetizers - the centers are black! Unless Mary inadvertently picked up the tray of poppy-seed knishes....

Grammar police time - Karen Moy does not know that commas should be used with appositives, i.e., Evy should have said, "...this is my husband, Ed, and my daughter, Olive." Without the commas, Evy is implying that she has another husband and another daughter. Another husband would make for an intriguing story line, so I'm hoping for that.

And, the Taylors = more WASP characters.

TimP said...

I'm enjoying the look of sullen resignation on the dad's face as he reluctantly picks up one of those things. I imagine his internal monologue goes something like "Oh jeeze, I figured there'd be a lot of inane nattering at this stupid pool party, but no way did I sign up for having to eat this soggy brown nuggets of glop. Maybe if I put it in my mouth without letting it touch my tongue, I can hold on long enough to spit it out into one of the flower pots."

Toots McGee said...

"My name is Mary Worth! Would any of you like chicken salad appetizers I made?"

That's all I need to read to make today a better day!

LouiseF said...

That dad bears a distinct resemblance to Walter White of "Breaking Bad" fame. . .Mary seems to be losing her seamless ability to engage people unless she has a tray of food in tow. Maybe dad's almost sneer at the chicken salad appetizers is making Mary nervous and defensive, as well she should be.

meg said...

The Scene: Santa Royale, high summer

All denizens of the Worthiverse are enjoying a well-earned vacation. After staggering and stumbling through mind-numbing and disappointing scenarios for a year,and after recuperating from the ptomaine-fest also known as a pool party, our friends are enjoying themselves.

Mary Worth is participating in the Santa Royale 5K race walk. The starting line is at the Bum Boat, and the traditional finish line is in front of Oprah Winfrey's palatial oceanfront estate. Here come the participants now! And in keeping with tradition, here comes Oprah, with Gayle King right behind her. "Get off my lawn, you peasants! Sic 'em, Gayle!" And another SR5K comes to its traditional conclusion.

Dr. Jeff is holed up in his condo, watching Downton Abbey reruns and wearing women's clothing, a hobby he prefers to keep to himself, thank you very much.

Ian and Toby are off to parts unknown- when Mary asked where they were going, Ian did not answer- he hasn't had a line of dialog in over 8 years, so why would he?

But I digress. Just because the 'characters' are on vacation, it doesn't mean that Moy and Giella are. Unlike some strips (I'm looking at you, Doonesbury), there will never be reruns of Mary Worth. If there is so little interest the first time around, why would anyone want to look at it again? I mean, come on....

Moy and Giella are bringing in a guest cast for the week! That's the good news. The only cast who agreed to come were the Simpsons.

The part of Wilbur Weston will be played by Homer Simpson.
Tommy Beedie will be played by Bart Simpson, and waitress Tina will be played by Lisa Simpson.
Ned Flanders will assume the role of Jerry, and Patti and Selma Bouvier will fill in for Toby and Iris.
In recognition of his 8-year silence, Ian's role will be voiced by Maggie Simpson, who has spoken but one word in over twenty years.
In a sweetly ironic bit of casting, Groundskeeper Willie will take over for Mr. Allora.
Chester the dog will be represented by Santas Little Helper.

Let's listen in as the cast run their lines:

"Tommy", encountering "Tina":
"Cowabunga! Wanna go drink Jerry Cola and make out in the back booth?"

"Bart, er,Tommy, I am your sister!"

"Ooh, gross! Forget I said that."

"Jerry"': "Hi, diddley o, young Tomster. Time to get out the ol' broomop and get those toilets spiffylyiciously clean."

"Eat my shorts, Jerry."

"You're fireddiddley o!"

And later, back at Charterstone, Wilbur, Toby and Iris drink coffee and eat pork chop sandwiches.

"Ma, Wilbur- I've been fired."

"D'oh! Are there any chicken salad appetizers left?"

"Well, that's no surprise, Toooommmmmy, considering your background. Iris, can you lend me a Pall Mall Menthol?"

"How about a Camel Lite? Tommy's a good boy, Toby."

"Mr. Allora" suddenly appears with a shovel and a bad attitude.

"It's huir uv a annoyin', Ah hae tae clean up efter yon Chester th' dug when eh'd raither be playin' th' bagpipe."

In the distant background: Woof.

Ian arrives, quietly. He sees "Mr. Allora" and speaks:
"Guid day, cheil, let's gang it fur a bevvy."

We interrupt this program with an important announcement from the Department of Punctuation Marks. Beginning immediately, all use of quotation marks and exclamation points will be suspended until the recent high demand abates. That is all.

And, for the few who are actually interested, the part of Mary Worth was not filled because Principal Skinner's mother was not available. Ditto the part of Jeff Cory.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Oh, yes, please, Mary! I've heard your chicken salad appetizers are a big hit!

By the way, who is this Anna character that our new neighbor is mentioning?

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

@fauxprof: Black mustache and goatee denotes "sexy" to me! I'm going to be getting to know Ed Taylor, that's for sure!

Ken's Orange Overcoat said...

Dawn Weston and a married man... would Iris and Wilbur's relationship survive that shock??

Finally, Wouldn't it be great if Anna was Franma?

KitKat said...

@meg, bravissima! You are brilliant.

Re Anna, I scanned Wanders's excellent archive of characters and found Anna Tieg Good, a divorcee (in Santa Royale - shocking!). Mary introduced Anna to Dr. Brian Good, and they made beautiful music together. That was a long time ago. On the other hand, maybe Karen Moy forgot about Anna Tieg Good and simply recycled "Anna."

Vicki said...

Love it, Meg!!

Secret ingredient alert!: The black centers in Mary's Chicken Salad Appetizers are actually bits of charcoal. That careless Mr. Alorra left a bag of briquets down by the pool fence. Mary found it and suddenly had a brilliant idea. "Who doesn't love that special grill flavor!? oooo, this will be such a hit!"