Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Seventh Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the SEVENTH ANNUAL WORTHY AWARDS! Santa Royale's elite have gathered to celebrate the best of all things Mary Worth. But most importantly, the Condo Board has tabulated YOUR votes -- thousands of votes -- to determine this year's outstanding achievements.

But to get things started, what awards show would be complete without an OPENING NUMBER! Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for the Edsels and their 1961 smash hit Rama Lama (Hanna) Ding Dong!

Each year, we begin by awarding the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award to one lucky Mary Worth character who died this year. And so we are thrilled to present the award to Olive Taylor who -- wait, I'm sorry, what's that? It seems Olive was saved at the last minute by Mary Worth and has failed to qualify for the Aldo Kelrast Memorial Award this year.

That means that this year's prize goes to our runner up, the patient that Doctor Kapuht lost on the operating table. Congratulations! Just think, Olive. It could have been you!

And now, on to our awards.

The nominees for outstanding performance by a guest character are:

Jerry, the Owner of Jerry's

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

Olive Taylor

Hanna Dingdon

And the Worthy goes to:

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

He killed a patient, and he abused the hospital's heroine supply! By all means, let's give him a prize!

The nominees for outstanding performance by a floating head are:

Angel of the Pool

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

Tommy Two-Tone

Wilbur Weston: Too Big for One Thought Bubble

And the Worthy goes to:

Wilbur Weston: Too Big for One Thought Bubble

There's always room for Wilbur Weston, no matter how tight the squeeze!

The nominees for outstanding performance by an established character are:

Dr. Jeff Cory, M.D.

Mary Worth

Toby Cameron

Ian Cameron

Wilbur Weston

And the Worthy goes to -- ladies and gentleman -- this is a complete surprise!

Ian Cameron

Ian Cameron: Ah wisnae expectin' thes at aw. Is it alrecht if Ah make a speech? First aff, Ah want tae thenk mah brammer guidwife. Withit 'er support, Ah ne'er woods hae hud th' coorage tae return tae th' strip. Mah skitin' kept me frae bein' able tae utter a single line. An' when Ah finally got behin' th' wheel ay a motur, Ah nearly got in a wreck. If eh'd hae burst Hana, aam sure eh'd hae gain tae jail as mah bluid toxicity level wisnae guid. But aam aicht days sober, thenks tae th' support ay mah bonnie guidwife, an' th' meddlin' ay Mary Worth. An' Ah hiner an' pray 'at Karen Moy will gezz meh anither chance! Ah willnae lit ye doon.

Thank you Ian... Thank you. You may return to your seat. No, this way. Yes, we're all very proud of you and hope we get to see much more of you in the future. No, that's fine. You keep that. Just follow this lady back to your folding chair. That's the way.

And now, the nominees for Panel of the Year are:

Angel of the Pool

Flower Fairies

Bad Doctor Kapuht, M.D.

The Skin of its Teeth

Tee Hee Eddie

Tommy Won't Work for Me

Dive! Dive! Dive!

And the Worthy for Outstanding Panel of the Year goes to:

Dive! Dive! Dive!

The panel of the year is always a fan favorite, and usually features some sort of nudity, so it is a real thrill that tonight, modesty has prevailed!

And now, the moment we have all been waiting for, the nominees for Outstanding Story of 2014 are:

Frannie's Mom Gets a Divorce, and a Gift Certificate

It Isn't Depressing at All!

Olive's Tummy Lobotomy

Tommy Finds a Job and Harasses His First Colleague

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Olive's Tummy Lobotomy

It's been a magical evening and a very exciting year for Mary Worth and Friends. Thank you for being a part of tonight's celebration! If you haven't had a chance to become a citizen of Santa Royale by following this blog, please take a moment to sign up now! It's completely free and comes with too many perks to mention.

Here's looking forward to a new year of lots of adventures and excitement!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for keeping us abreast of what's happening in the Mary Worth universe! For example, I would hardly have guessed there were THREE story lines this year. Hanna Dingdong seems to have existed from all eternity, without beginning or end. Praise be Hanna Dingdong.

KitKat said...

Bravo! Another stellar production, Wanders! The voting for this year's awards was tough, particularly for Panel of the Year - what a bounty of choices.

I wonder if the Edsels can be booked for Hanna and Sean's wedding reception. I just hope that Hanna keeps the Dingdon in her name. "Hanna Hastings" just doesn't have the same ring to it (ouch - I couldn't stop myself).

fauxprof said...

Stellar awards show, Wanders! Better than the Golden Globes, and we don't have to suffer the annoying red carpet. (Although it would be fun to imagine what Uncle Joe would do with that.)

And kudos to Ian's acceptance speech. It was megworthy!

mrvy said...

Oh my, the Edsels just made a gray day so much brighter! I didn't think Wanders could improve on Mr. Trololo of beloved memory, but you've succeeded! Next year: MORE ACCEPTANCE SPEECHES, please!

Yahoonski said...

Terrific job by the MC. Only thing missing was a Cosby joke or two. Now there's somebody who should definitely review past interactions.

Nance said...

How on earth did we make it through the year?

Shmoopie said...

Thank you, Wanders. That was delightful! And congratulations to all the amazing winners. So much talent, so much passion!

I can barely believe that these have been the SEVENTH Annual Worthy Awards already! Although time never flies in the Worthiverse, a lot of it has gone by nonetheless.

Thanks to all of you for the consistent entertainment. You've brightened many a ho-hum day and relieved the pressure on some stressful ones.

I would also like to thank my parents who have always believed in me, my kindergarten teacher who convinced me I would learn to write good, Stella the lunch lady who never gave me peas because she knew they made me gag, my....What? Why? I thought people wanted more speeches? Oh, acceptance speeches from actual winners, I see. Well, aren't we all winners in this game of life? Well, no, I'm not joking! Alright, alright, I'll sit down now! Don't push me!!!

HeavenlyJane said...

Loved the music. Perfect first course for a meal of delicious.

Nance said...

PS--If I remember correctly, not a single one of the nominees for which I voted won a Worthy. This is a New Low for me.

Either that, or it's a New Low for my Memory.

smooth said...

Nance--You shouldn't feel bad at all. The riches of the past year made it almost impossible to choose, never mind win. Every nomination deserved to win!

meg said...

Th' Scottish American guild ay comic characters ur extremely prood tae congratulate ian cameron oan his dramatic win.

r u ok? said...

Great set of winners. Thanks Wanders. No honorable mention for Chin Napkin though? Maybe next year.

Anonymous said...

How many Worthys do Wilbur have now? Four?

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Thanks for another amazing Worthy Awards ceremony, Wanders! xxoo

Julie R. Neidlinger said...

Oh man. I just love this. A friend started sending me the daily cartoon in email and we'd joke about it. I became totally addicted to the daily Mary Worth discussion. This is fantastic!

Carlye said...

I certainly voted for the panel of the year! It's still my computer wallpaper, at least until something better comes along!

Neilist said...

I call FIX!!!!!!!

Panel of the Year clearly should have gone to Dr. Kaphut's version of "Needle and the Damage Done."

Which is a "fix," come to think of it.