Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Mary Worth 2157

"We have our differences. I mostly wear lavender, but sometimes I wear orange. But he ALWAYS wears green. Once, he took it off to bathe, and I didn't recognize him."

Today's full strip


Anonymous said...

Coffee and popcorn - yunnnnn!

Anonymous said...

I mean yummmm! (forgot my classes the first time) Maybe I should check back now that I have my glasses on. Maybe they aren't eating popcorn, but curds & whey.

KitKat said...

"Toby dear, you and I have something in common too! We both use BOLDFACE to highlight certain words for no APPARENT reason."

"Similar energies" is Mary's euphemism for "flying off the handle at a moment's notice."

Why should differences in a relationship be something to overcome? Vive la différence! (Although this may explain the "yawn, ho hum" relationship between Mary and Dr. Jeff - she's pounded out all the differences and reduced Jeff to a formless blob.)

Nance said...

Mary speaks like a teacher in a parent teacher conference.

Similar energies: you are both a pain
Fiery Natures: immature and antagonistic
I've always admired: I'm really tired of, but I'm going to be nice about
It's understandable: I get it, but it's no excuse, and I'm done putting up with it

fauxprof said...

Hot cocoa and popcorn would be better than coffee and popcorn. Not much, but better. Maybe hot cider? Would that work?

Yahoonski said...

Nance: As long as we're providing translations, I think everything Mary said yesterday could equate to "Please get your filthy bare feet off my couch." And everything she says today could be "Please move back over to your own side of my couch."

meg said...

Mary's worst fears have come true:

Her controlling mojo is no longer working, and she still has Toby mooching on her.

What to do?

Later that day:
While Toby luxuriates in a long bath which has used up all the hot water, Mary gets to work.

Hello, Hanna Lama Dingdon Hastings? Mary Worth here. I think you mentioned that little Gordy was visiting you and Sean while his mother is on her honeymoon? I'm sure you love-birds (titter-titter) would like to be alone- why not have Gordy stay with me for a night or two?

Oh, Mary, that's a wonderful idea! I'll drive him right over, and then Sean and I can have a romantic evening with candlelight and Metamucil cocktails. And then...

Yes, yes, Hanna- see you soon. Tell Gordy to bring his little robot, and he can watch all the TV he wants- there's a Motor Mouse Marathon on all weekend. Tell him I have lots of high-fructose beverages available, too.

Hello, Wilbur, Mary here. Haven't seen you since the pool party on June 14, 2014- remember the chicken salad appetizers?

Gosh, yes, Mary! Are there any leftovers, or maybe a ham sandwich with extra mustard?

Of course, Wilbur, but I was wondering if Dawn would like to spend a couple of nights with me this weekend- then you and Iris could have some saucy time alone.

Gosh, yes, Mary! I'll pack her overnight bag and she'll come over after she gets home from Junior College.

Later, that evening, "Little" Gordy arrives. He has just entered puberty, and he is almost six feet tall, with a voice like James Earl Jones. And pimples. And a permanent sulk.
And a pack of Phillies Blunt cigars. "Please, Auntie Mary, don't tell Granma I smoke now. Can I watch Hot Teen Girls on the Adult Swim channel?"

Of course, Gordon. Would you like a little drink? (wink wink nod nod).

Dawn arrives, carrying a grudge and an attitude. She perks up when she sees tall, handsome, orange-haired Gordon. Soon the two teens are smoking "cigars" on the balcony and drinking "lemonade", while listening to Kanye West's Greatest Hits on Mary's Victrola.

Toby finishes her bath and gets dressed. When she sees Dawn and Gordy, she hastily packs her bags and calls Ian. "Oh, darling, I'm ready to come home!'' "Praise be, lassie, I'll meit ye in th' close in th' gloamin'!"

Mary is very pleased with herself, until she realizes that she is still hosting Gordon and Dawn. What can she do? She sighs, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Dawn could you pour me up a sundowner, please? And Gordy, don't bogart that blunt, my friend, pass it over to me."

NotARobot said...

Comparable "energies" make for a successful marriage. Two selfish people with anger control issues...ah, usually not so much. On the other hand, Ian probably wants not only a trophy wife but also a much younger wife who will serve as his nurse in a few years. Toby just has a low bar for what she considers a "sugar daddy" and plans to dump him once the incontinence begins.

LouiseF said...

meg: You have hit EVERY current cultural reference available!! The best laugh I have had this week, and a relief from the popcorn eating...What IS with that? Are we supposed to get that Toby and Mary have exhausted their (more formal) coffee and cake relationship since Toby has basically become Mary's college roommate? I remember bringing my popcorn popper to college as a freshman in 1975. The most honest conversations between roommates take place over popcorn.

carlnepa said...

I thought Mary is serving poutine. Nothing I say can top meg's comments. I am in awe of them.

heydave said...

Don't hold back, Mary. Let her have that left jab pronto!

Chester the Dog said...

Toby, leave already, Mary has to get back to her doorknob cleaning.

I just thought of this skit from Carol Burnett, with Tim Conway as the butler. Wanders, I hope this counts as family friendly!

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Mary's passive-aggressive comment of the day:
Well, today, just read the strip! She's really letting her passive-aggressiveness all hang out ... "similar energies" = "fiery natures" = "you're both a real pain in my patoot."

I really dig that we're all hanging out on the couch in our jammies and bathrobe! So fun!

Lucy Owsley-Goodman said...

where has this blog been all my adult life?

Anonymous said...

meg, I befouled my mustache when i got to the the line "listening to Kanye West's Greatest Hits on Mary's Victrola." Thank you.