Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The Eighth Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Welcome to the eighth annual Worthy Awards, celebrating outstanding achievement in the Mary Worth comic strip during 2015, brought to you by Splak - the breakfast cereal with as much fiber as a mighty oak.

It's the event of the year! And you've played a very important part. Thousands of votes were cast, but two categories came within two votes to determine the winner. Yes, every vote counts.

But first, to get things started, here's Dionne Warwick and the Green Jacket Dancers!

Thank you awkward Asian woman for turning off the video playing machine!

And now, on to our first category.

Outstanding Costume Design

It's not always the amazing stories we remember in Mary Worth. Sometimes, it is the amazing costumes. This year's nominees for Outstanding Costume Design are:

Ian Cameron for "Not-So-Little Green Jacket"

Adam Miller for "Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting"

Terry Bryson for "Mod Squad"

Terry Bryson for "Little Orphan Terry"

And the winner is:

Ian Cameron for "Not-So-Little Green Jacket"

For those of you thinking that the green jacket was the obvious winner, keep in mind that it was one of our close calls, winning by only two votes. Runner up: Terry Bryson for Mod Squad. Better luck next time Terry!

And now...

Outstanding Set Decoration

We had some wonderful set pieces this year! The nominees are:

Carnival Cones

Pretty Big Computer-Like Thing

Deep Seated Therapy Couch

Looking Out Looking In

And the winner is...

Pretty Big Computer-Like Thing

Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character

Each year, we look forward to making new friends with guest characters, but two of this year's nominees were returning friends! The nominees are:

Terry Bryson

Amy Dingdon

Evy Taylor

Hilton Berkes

Taxi Driver

And the winner is...

Taxi Driver

Outstanding Floating Head

Where would we be without our floating heads? Lost, never knowing who anyone was ever gossiping about! This year's nominees are...

Adam Miller

Ian Cameron

Olive Taylor

Sean Hastings

And the winner is...

Sean Hastings

Panel of the Year

Perhaps the favorite category, Panel of the Year seems to be the most anticipated and discussed category throughout the year. This year nominees are...

Up, Up and Away

Tastes Like Chicken

The Dirtiest Thing in my Home

Isn't it Romantic?

The Giant Dip

Can I Give You a Hand in the Kitchen?

And the winner is...

Isn't it Romantic?

Outstanding Performance by a Recurring Character

The most coveted of all Worthies, the nominees are...

Ian Cameron in "Show Me the Green Money Card"

Jeff Cory M.D. in "One Fish Two Fish"

Mary Worth in "If Auntie Mame is Boring and Sanctimonious"

Toby Cameron in "I Have an Art Show to Crash"

And the winner is...

Toby Cameron in "I Have an Art Show to Crash"

Story of the Year

And now, the moment we have all been waiting for. This year's nominees for Story of the Year are...

Christmas (and Easter?) in New York

Hanna Dingdon Gets Her Man... and his apartment

I Guess I Love you After All

Breaking Up is Hard to Read About

And the winner is...

I Guess I Love you After All

Congratulations to all of our winners! And remember, it is no shame to go home without a loving cup! All of our nominees are special. But to those of you with trophies, we love you! You are wonderful! You will be remembered as legends in your field forever! That's something the losers can't say. Tonight's victory is especially sweet for Terry Bryson, perhaps one of the most loathed characters of all time when she first helped Toby Cameron deal with her identify theft.

... Wait a minute... Okay, folks. I have to apologize. Let me just take control of this. This is exactly what's on the card. I will take responsibility for this. It was my mistake. It was on the card. I don't know how I got so confused. The real winner of the Story of the Year Worthy is...

Breaking Up is Hard to Read About

Could someone please take the Worthy Award out of Terry Bryson's ice cold hands and give it to Toby Cameron? I'm serious, "Breaking Up" beat "I Guess I Love You" by one vote. Just one vote. No, get that trophy away from her before she flings open every door and escapes. And get Adam Miller's trophy and give it to Ian Cameron. No, he's easy to catch. Just take the trophy away. There you go. Okay, that's all worked out. Everyone happy except Terry and Adam? Okay, good.

Thanks to our sponsor Splak, Dionne Warwick, and especially you! On behalf of the entire Condo Board, we'll see you next year!


smooth said...

Wanders, you deserve an award of your very own. Your "mistake" as emcee in announcing the final award was nothing short of brilliant!

Best snark of the year goes to Wanders. (just let someone try to wrestle that award out of your third hand!)

Nance said...

I'd like to quote a Panel Of The Year Nominee and just say "Wow."

Sharon said...

Fantastic, Wanders! This was the best ceremony ever!

Yahoonski said...

And the award for Best Production of an Awards Show goes, of course, to WANDERS!

Vince said...

Thanks, Wanders. It was another great show. I don't think I voted for Sean coming out of the coffee cup for floating head of the year, but, now that I think about it, it really was the best.

Darth Curt said...

People make mistakes Wanders... it's just so good of you to own up to your mistakes and take full responsibility. :)

I love the Mary Worth awards shows.

meg said...

Wanders' secretary: Wes, Adam Miller's lawyer on line 3. Says he'll see you in court.

Hermite said...

Wanders, I about gave myself a hernia I was laughing so hard. That was one brilliantly funny idea. Nicely played. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into the ceremony each year. Bleat! Oops, sorry, wrong comic.

Dawn Weston's Evil Twin said...

Wanders, where did you find the green-jacketed dancers? So appropriate! Thanks for a fantastic ceremony! To quote Lawrence Welk, it was "wander-ful, wander-ful"! See what I did there? Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!

Chin Napkin Groupie said...

Given the immensity of the scandal stemming from the so called "mistake", it may be time to sell the Worthy Awards to Donald Trump. I say "so called" because of the speculation that the "mistake" was intentional, designed to draw media attention to the awards.

RockDoc said...

Wanders, you just made my day! Thanks a million!

KitKat said...

Wanders, this is the most fabulous Worthy Awards presentation ever! The women of the Green Jacket Dancers look like they escaped from an episode of Star Trek. I can see them writhing around Kirk while Spock raises an eyebrow and observes "Fascinating..." You covered all the bases, from Dionne down to the Miss Universe moment. It is truly spectacular - BRAVO!!!

fauxprof said...

What more can I say but thank you for the most entertaining award show ever! Far more enthralling than the Golden Globes (I checked out of those about fifteen minutes in and opted for a good book.). I much prefer family friendly, clever, good-hearted snark, as exemplified by the Worthy Awards. BTW, meg wins the commentary today.

Sandi Ego said...

Amazing! That Ricky Gervais guy has nothing on you. I'm thrilled the Sean Hastings floating steam head won, truly a remarkable image. Wish I'd voted more often, I need to promote my faves better next year. We'll always have Ian's astroturf jacket, but Terry's hot pants get-up was fabulously awkward.
Thank you, Wanders, this was a tour de force presentation!

Petunia said...

Well done, the ending was particularly brilliant! And the floating steam head was remarkable.

I can't be the only one who was kind of hoping that that Miss Universe mistake would end up in a Dynasty-style cat fight, with hair extensions being ripped off and someone using the tiara as a weapon.

Mister Ed said...

Absolutely the best award show ever!!

richardmoderate said...

waahhhhh isnt it romantic won over Mary polishing her doorknob AND three handed Mary??? i call shenanigans!!! hahaha-seriously this was a great awards ceremony Wanders-the Oscars will have to try hard to beat it