Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Tenth Annual Worthy Awards

The Charterstone Condo Board welcomes you to the Tenth Annual Worthy Awards! Brought to you by Norwegian Cruise Lines. See the world on a Norwegian Cruise. "Our fish point toward the front of the ship."

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the show! Please stop mamboing and take your seats.

Before we get started, here is perhaps the most charming opening number we've ever had, featuring several of our Charterstone residents:

Keeping things on an upbeat note, each year we take a moment to award the Aldo Kelrast Worthy Award to a character who died during the year. It's our little way of saying, Thank you.

Unfortunately, this year the Worthiverse was very light on death. Several near misses, but not a whole lot to choose from. But then, Wilbur Weston's self respect took a complete kamikaze dive into the Bogota sea. This year's Aldo Kelrast award goes to Wilbur's self respect. Mr. Weston, please pass along our congratulations should you ever find it again. And could you please send us a photo of your legs?

Who wants to see some winners?? It's time to award the Worthy Award for the Best Performance by a Guest Character!

The nominees are:

Entertainer Esme in "Ginger vs. Mary Ann"

 Fabiana in "But there are no beaches in Bogota"

 Medical Assistant Jared in "For the Love of Bagels"

Torn in "Ask Wendy Again"

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character goes to: 

 Entertainer Esme!

She may have lost her man, but she won something even better! Congratulations to Entertainer Esme.

Our next category is:


The nominees are:

 Derek Hoosier: Katie! Stand Back!

 Entertainer Esme: Nooooo!

 Medical Assistant Jared: AUGGH!

 Fabiana: You'll need a drink to do this!

Smoker: Tiny puffs of smoke

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Stunt goes to:

Entertainer Esme!

This is Entertainer Esme's second Worthy Award. She also won this year's Outstanding Guest Character. In case you forgot.

Next we have:


The nominees are:

Dawn Weston: Tommy's Not the Only One Who Found Religion

Entertainer Esme: That Dress

Fabiana: Leopard Skin Perfection

Toby Cameron: Leapord Skin Wanna Be

And the Worthy goest to:

Toby Cameron

I'm really not sure how many Worthy Awards Toby has won over the years, but probably not very many! Congratulations, Toby!

Our next category is:


This new category is thanks to Santa Royale Citizen Nance, who composed short poems using the bolded words of each day's strip.

The nominees are:

"In International Waters, People Start Talking Like The Hulk"

Gorgeous hunk? Have!
Is passenger! Know off-limits!
Me--challenge. Want!
Can. Should!

"In Which You Can Either Read This As A Metaphysical Treatise On Adulting Or The Alternative Lyrics To Whip It By Devo"

Work grind!
That...like. Change pace!
Wrong! Like! Vibe this!

"Meaningless Blather From Blabbing Blondes" or "If The Patty Duke Show Theme Song Were A Boldface Haiku"

Switch? I'm you!
Yeah! Here! You me!

"Thanks To Zak And All Bran, Things Are Moving On"

Sorry, moved on...you.
Not! That's!
Too late. Friends...

"If A Tree Falls In The Irony Forest And Only An Oblivious Pot Is There To Hear It, Is The Kettle Still Black?"

New boyfriend...
Why? Attractive couple, happy.
Don't know. Younger!

This year's Boldface Haiku winner is:

"Thanks To Zak And All Bran, Things Are Moving On"

Sorry, moved on...you.
Not! That's!
Too late. Friends...

And of course, the real winner is all of us, thanks to Nance!

Our next category of nominees is:


The nominees are:

 Dr. Ned Fletcher

 Tommy Beedie

 Wilbur Weston

 Wilbur Weston

 Wilbur Weston

And the winner is...

Wilbur Weston

Congratulations to Wilbur Weston, who is no stranger to Worthy wins. His three floating head appearances really split the vote, but ... wait a minute... What's all that commotion in the back of the theater... Sir, please take your seat... Security... Security... You can't come up on the stage, sir... Hey, everybody! It's...

... it's 22-year-old Chris Hemsworth! What a great honor to have you here. To what do we owe the pleasure?

22-year-old Chris Hemsworth: G'day mate. I'm here to say how completely devo I am about this year's awards. Everybody knows I played Zak, and I think my performance was bonzer. But I was completely ignored by the Condo Board. The worst blow of all was to appear in a floating head next to Wilbur and to be completely ignored. I'm only 22, and can't even grow a beard, but I'm still totally hot and old women want to take me home, but the Condo Board completely ignored me. I'm here to protest the entire process and -- I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry -- but I haven't been this devestated since Iris broke up with Zak. I've got heaps of money now, too, and I think I really deserve this.

Twenty-two-year-old Chris Hemsworth everybody! Okay, take your seat. I forgot how young 22 really is. Seriously, take your seat. I don't want to ask again. Security, get this kid out of here. Get him a Kleenex, too, to wipe away his tears.

Sorry, folks. That was pathetic. Let's get on with the show, and everyone, please, just try to enjoy yourself.

Our next category of nominees is:


The nominees are:

 Mary Worth

 Dawn Weston

Iris Beedie

Wilbur Weston

And the Worthy goes to:

Wilbur Weston

This is Wilbur Weston's 3,000 Worthy Award - it seems like.

Our next category of nominees is perhaps the most eagerly anticipated category all year long:


The nominees are:


Bogota Beach

Star Wars

Riding Horses

And the winner is:

Bogota Beach

Thank you, thank you, June Brigman, for all of your contributions to this strip. It just keeps getting better and better!

Our next category is:


The nominees are:

 The Hoosiers are Cruisers

 Han Solo and Luke Skywalker Can't Both Love Princess Leia

 Ask Wendy

Iris Loves a Poor Man

Iris Loves a Rich Man

Bogota Blues

And now, the Outstanding Story of 2017:

 The Hoosiers are Cruisers!

Well, that just about wraps up another wonderful year of outstanding quality and family values in the comic section of a few remaining local newspapers.

I want to thank Karen Moy and June Brigman for keeping it fun, and everyone who voted! Thousands of votes were cast.

I have enjoyed your comments throughout the years, and your donations have been especially appreciated! If you didn't buy a ticket to this year's Worthies, it isn't too late to make a contribution.

 Happy 2018 to everyone! God bless!


Anonymous said...

A little sad Medical Assistant Jared got shut out, but Entertainer Esme was stiff competition; she really threw her all into the part!

KitKat said...

Another spectacular production, Wanders! You have outdone yourself - I m awestruck. And you handled 22-year-old Chris Hemsworh perfectly. You and Mrs. Wanders look stunning on the red carpet. Is that Dolce & Gabbana and Alexander McQueen, respectively, that you and Mrs. W are wearing?

A big night for Wilbur at the Worthies He may be through with love, but he picked up a lot of hardware. Mary must be really ticked off at her dearth of acclaim. She might mix a batch of "special" muffins to bump Wilbur off and keep her mitts on Ask Wendy.

If only we could have a plot with both Entertainer Esme and Fabiana...[sigh].

Wanders said...

@KitKat: Perhaps Entertainer Esme's ship will dock at the Bogota port and she can lock Fabiana in a beachfront restroom. If only they had an ocean. Glad you enjoyed the show.

Bill the Butcher said...

I must confess I was a little startled at Weelbur's outfit on the red carpet. You don't see that combination of green short, Speedos, hairy legs and bathrobe every day. But his acceptance speech more than made up for it:


Nance said...

Another stunning and star-studded event, Wanders! Terrific production value, as usual.

Wilbur and Esme's sweep of awards was a little breathtaking, but at least that meant Dawn and Iris were snubbed.

I'm already starting my countdown to the next Worthy Awards! ;-)

Stew said...

I am shocked that Wilbur's AUGGGHHHH!!! face didn't win.

Anonymous said...

Huzzahs, kudos, and big ups to you Wanders for a splendid awards show! And IMHO, the voting public showed perspicacity and wisdom in selecting the winners.

And now 2018 is off to a great start with an angry Wilbur stunned that he's not God's gift to Iris and whining to Mary while wolfing down her muffins.

Happy New Year to us, every one!

-- Scottie McW.

fauxprof said...

Thanks for the best award show of the year. Toby rocked the runway in her Madonna-Wanna-Be outfit, easily outdoing Dawn’s Goth Girl. I was a little disappointed that AUUUGH didn’t win panel of the year, but agree that Bogota Beach was the most riveting nightmare fodder.

MissScarlet said...

That was wonderful, Wanders. Your award show gets better every year. Thank you!

LouiseF said...

This has to be the first awards show ever where voters were described as showing "perspicacity"... And quoting the director of last year's Academy Awards show, Glenn Weiss, "What makes an awards show such a roller coaster for the viewers , and especially for me as a director , is the intangible, the unknown. … My take on directing — and life — is that if you’re smart enough to listen to those around you, you’ll look really good.” It seems he exactly describes what we love about M. Wanders..

r u ok? said...

Happy New Year Wanders and Mary Worth fans. Looking forward to Wilbur's Ask Wendy columns in 2018 - love is for losers, give up on any hope for love, love is dead . . . We'll see if Mary can meddle him around to a new view on life. Or maybe Mary will just give him a puppy and move on to some other, more promising victim.

Vince said...

Thank you, Wanders! A skillful adaptation of the AK award.

I always wonder why Mary brings so many muffins to her meetings with one other person.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Thank you Wanders! Another splendid awards show! I am still upset that Wilbur didn't win for AAUUGH and that Fabiana was shut out. Are you sure Price Waterhouse didn't mess up again? Maybe Russian meddling in the voting process?

Mrvy said...

Oh my, the opening number! Although I wonder if it's featuring Charterstone or Somerset residents. I miss Sean and Hannah.

JimmyJoe said...

A real tour de force Wanders. Happy New Year to all.