Thursday, May 17, 2018

Mary Worth 2887

The fact that the first word in this morning's strip is "Wilbur," is all the bad news I can handle.

16 comments:

fauxprof said...

“Afraid so, Wilbur. I’m afraid Ask Wendy has really gone downhill, lately. It was old-fashioned to begin with, and now it’s just a mass of platitudes. It used to have a little Dear Abby zing to it, now it’s as bland as a gluten-free, sugarless muffin.”

“I can explain that! Look, while I was away doing my Survivor Stories, I, er—engaged a substitute.”

“A ghostwriter? Without telling anyone? That’s a violation of your contract. Wilbur, I’m sorry. You’ll be hearing from our lawyers.”

Wilbur heads to the shower with his new batteries, a fifth of Old Overcoat, and soon the dulcet strains of “Oh, Lonesome Me” are heard echoing though the paper-thin walls of Charterstone.

RobC said...

Why did he go to a cliff when he lives on the top floor? Are the windows screwed shut?

Come to think of it, how did Wilbur get to the cliff? Walk? Did he drink and drive and get someone to pick his car up later? So many questions....

Tim said...

Yes, Wilbur, I do have bad news. Polls have been conducted. Apparently everybody who reads Mary Worth despises you, so you're been fired from Worthverse.
I've reached out to Barney Google on your behalf. I tried Judge Parker. They laughed.

Anonymous said...


Well that was a quick therapy session. For which we are all grateful. No need to go through the litany of woes yet again.

As for today, only a whiny, self-pitying jerk would answer the phone like that. So Weeping Willy is right in character.

Finally, panel #2 is completely useless filler. Come on Moy, put a little effort into this, willya?

-- Scottie McW.

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"The Sado-Masochism Of Mary Worth Readers Everywhere".

Hello.
Bad news...
(Please...more!)

Yahoonski said...

Nance: I'm afraid you've discovered the sad truth about us (and brilliantly, too!)

Maxwell Bacon said...

@Scottie McW.: My sentiments exactly! Two panels of stunning visuals, one panel of plot. We've gotten another cliffhanger, but not a literal one, this time!

I think Wilbur drove up to Lookout Point sober and then chugged his whiskey up there on the cliff.

Also, how did this "Ask Wendy" arrangement with Mary Worth work? Did she get Wilbur's paycheck for it? Did Wilbur let George know about it? In these days of the Internet, why was it even necessary to have Mary do "Ask Wendy"? Wilbur had Internet even down in Antarctica! And, we've never seen Wilbur answering "Ask Wendy" letters, only Mary. Is it because she's so good at giving advice? ... ahem ...

Tim said...

Maybe Wilbur asks Mary for advice for the people writing in to ask Wendy, which would explain a lot.

Michael Beaumier said...

"Wilbur, today’s daily newspaper subscriber — and honestly, I think there is exactly one — really connects with the tone and writing of ‘Ask Wendy’, especially the continuous wallowing in problems with only a perfunctory swipe at a solution. It’s like contemplating suicide, seeing a therapist once, and firmly believing that ‘getting a few things off my chest’ (that is, complaining more to someone new) is the same thing as ‘change’. Also: without your column in the newspaper isn’t thick enough for the bottom of a bird cage. We need you back!"

Anonymous said...


Nance, your haiku titles always make me laugh, but today's ties in so perfectly with the actual haiku itself.

I think we may be looking at our Boldface Haiku of the Year winner.

-- S. McW.

LouiseF said...

Wilbur is about to discover that nobody wants advice from a freckled, red-haired little girl in pigtails who spends most of her time in fast-food restaurants.

KitKat said...

Stellar comments from Wanders and everyone else again!

I have a nagging feeling that George has good news for Wilbur, like "Ask Wendy is being picked up by the Goleta Weekly Examiner Caller, and Huff Po is going to run Survivor Stories!" We'll be saddled with yet another easy-peasy, maddening KM plot where a cliffside platitude-fest from Mary and one session with Generic Unnamed Counselor solve everything. Wilbur will even return to Rick's and find the perfect pair of footwear, and this time he'll actually buy them.

lmjb1965 said...

I agree that we may have seen the Boldface Haiku of the Year, although I wouldn't be surprised if Nancy outdoes herself.

Wilbur's editor is calling to tell him that the public is clamoring for his columns. He'll also find out Fabiana is in prison, and Zak and Iris had a very public argument on their last date in L'escargot Francaise. Rick's has a sale on footwear, and batteries are 2-for-1 at the CVS. Everything is coming up Wilbur!

meg said...

And Dawn calls from the airport to tell Wilbur that Daddy’s little 45-year-old girl is on her way home. The End

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Can someone get June to look at how people actually hold a cell phone? I have never, ever seen anyone hold a phone that way unless you want to destroy it. I can only imagine how she would draw a landline phone.

I love how we're all rooting for Wilbur to be dropped by all five of the newspapers that carry his lousy columns, but alas, knowing the workings of KM, that is not to be. Wilbur will get his syndication back (albeit, it'll be in the local free newspaper the supermarket has as you're walking in/leaving the store), he will get new batteries as a birthday gift from Mary, Iris and Zak will move away because they're sick of seeing Wilbur's sad sack face every time they do the walk of shame, Dawn will come home married to Harlan and they'll move in with Wilbur and he'll hear that "Cousin" Pedro and Fabiana were killed by the next person they grifted. See KM, I wrapped it up all in a nice bow for you. Don't screw it up like you did with the last story arc.

Nance said...

@S.McW
@Yahoonski
@Imjb 1965

Thank you all. Today's Boldface was so evocative that the title was there before I even logged on to the webpage.