Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Mary Worth 2981

But, hey, it was the sixties in Brooklyn. Everyone had an arranged marriage.

The condo board has rejected my petition to add this song to the jukebox.

65 comments:

Nance said...

Today's Boldface Haiku is titled

"Her Name Was Bella; She Was His First Love".

Young, deeply did not.
Late wife?
No...pressure, their!
Oh...didn't love!

KitKat said...

The condo board seems to be controlled by fuddy-duddies. Is Mary the chairperson?

When I hear “Bruno,” I think of a large, imposing dog you treat with respect, not a perky kitty cat. Maybe Bruno’s human had an ironic sense of humor. That appears to be a freshly dug grave, so why a headstone already? Maybe in addition to the ironic sense of humor, Bruno’s human planned ahead. “Hey, there’s a sale on headstones! Bruno has to go sometime, right? I’ll get it now and keep it in the garage until then.”

I sure hope there’s a flashback showing Saul’s parent-approved wife, Medusa.

LouiseF said...

KitKat, hilarious! Love the sale on headstones..There does seem to be a rash of recent cat burials in Pet Cemetery. Charter(Head) Stones just had a run on grave markers. I imagine the pet ones are made of styrofoam and spray painted custom colors. Especially popular are ones with slots on the front so owners can change the name of the pet being buried depending on which one makes it to the Great Food Bowl/Litter Box/Chew Toy in the sky first. Those sell out fast. "Bruno" WAS a dog. His owner was moving and sold the headstone in a yard sale, because Bruno ran away after being scared by fireworks on the Fourth of July. "Pinky's" owner picked up the headstone for a song but couldn't afford a name change. At least there's a bunch of fresh flowers on Pinky/Bruno's grave.

RobC said...

How many fresh graves are in this cemetery? Don't they replace the sod?

Sandi Ego said...

RobC, I think the sod is on Myster Wynter's head in the first panel.

Anonymous said...


@Nance "Her name was Bella"! Ha haaaaa, that's hilarious!

Hey, just because she was a 40-year-old carnival sideshow attraction with a heroin addiction was no reason to disapprove of her. I mean, come on!

-- Scottie McW.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Today's comments are outstanding. Nance's title and LouiseF's take on Bruno's headstone are hilarious!

I think the rash of fresh burials in Pet Semetary is due to the fact that Toby is going from house to house, spiking each pet's bowl with antifreeze. Either that or Mary's been spreading her poisonous treats around.

TimP said...

Yep, once you're married there's nothing to do about it except wait for your spouse to die, allowing you to transfer all your affections to a chihuahua, which you dress in a bow tie.

I don't generally approve of the practice but I'm inclined to think Saul's parents must have done him a favor in pairing him off with some poor woman.

Anonymous said...

Looks like BigFoot is following Mary around in panel 2. Maybe looking to score some leftover salmon spread.

Anonymous said...

So is Myster Wynter a duke or something from a European royal family?

Garnet said...

That's what I thought! Is Mr Wynter not only 200 years old but part of a European royal family?

Yahoonski said...

Thought-provoking comments from KitKat and Louise F, and one of the thoughts provoked in me was the question of just how involved Karen Moy is in determining what will be depicted behind her dialog. Do we blame the oddities of the Pet Cemetery on June alone, or did Moy tell her the types of critters and names she wanted? How much back and forth do you suppose there is? I wondered the same thing about Moy and Uncle Joe, too.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Thursday: I see there is a Mutts reference with a grave for Mooch the cat. What's next tomorrow, a grave for Marmaduke?

LouiseF said...

The illustrations this week have been highly entertaining.. I think "Mooch"'s is one of those hologram tombstones that plays a video of the now deceased chasing a butterfly in his younger days. The dog tombstone in the background must have cost some grieving pet owner a pretty penny, even if it is sculpted from styrofoam...Thanks, JB! Your work has been a great antidote this week to the dreary, predictable dialogue between Saul and Mary..

KitKat said...

@Regina Wolfe-Parks, I noted the Mutts reference too. I think that’s clumsy on KM’s part, if not downright mean, unless she left the name up to June. If so, boo to June.

So true love Mia died, but what happened to Doris? Was she so independent she left for parts unknown? Did Saul play a part in her (ahem) departure?

Sandi Ego said...

Doris Wynter? Bet she spent her whole life correcting folks who thought her name was Dora Swynter.

Tim said...

@sandi ego That made me laugh. When will Karen May introduce a character named Hugh Jassman?

lmjb1964 said...

Based on the picture, I thought Mooch was a bear. And I agree that whoever arranges the plot in this cemetery needs some help. With plots just scattered around willy-nilly, they'll run out of space in no time.

Chester the Dog said...

Bella has one HUGE tombstone! This guy has some issues...

meg said...

Not only does he have issues, he has access to the fastest stonemason in the Greater Santa Royale Metropolitan Area. Bella left us less than three weeks ago. In contrast, it took Ozymandias’s sculptor a full month. Look on my works, ye nosy and ye grumpy, and despair!

Anonymous said...


Man, today's installment is more like a satirical parody of MW. If you wanted to make fun of this strip, this is exactly what you would do -- draw a humongous dog tombstone featuring a dog in bow tie flanked by gigantic flower pots.

Meanwhile in Beautiful Italy, Dawn laughs when the tour guide mentions that it took Michelangelo more than a year to carve The Pieta. "We got a guy back home who could knock that out in a couple days."

-- Scottie McW.

Anonymous said...

Mary: Mamma Mia! Look at the size of that headstone! Oh, sorry, Saul; my bad.

KitKat said...

As @lmjb1964 commented yesterday, the plot arrangement is so haphazard. Maybe Pet Cemetery has a do-it-yourself burial policy.

Besides the huge stone, Bella has two huge purple planters. Boy, Saul didn’t spare any expenses on this. Doris probably got a 2x3 flat stone engraved “Doris Wynter - good riddance.”

Maybe Toby should look into pet tombstone crafting to broaden her artistic endeavors - might be lucrative as well!

meg said...

Scottie: raucous laughter in the meg household!

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

I'm jealous of Bella's tombstone maker. I wish my father had given my mother something this gaudy and ornate! (And in record time!)

I think it's one of those tombstones you buy in Party City for Halloween. Myster Wynter probably knows a talented artist that drew Bella's picture on the tombstone. The ornate planters are courtesy of Costco.

They must have had a run on flying monkey statues, because Bella's resting place is next to one. Here's hoping it doesn't swoop down, take her from the grave and deliver her to the Wicked Witch of the West.

Myster Wynter had Bella for "seventeen wonderful years". Assuming he got her when she was a puppy, that would make her 119 years old in human years. Yet, she was more well preserved than Myster Wynter.

Boy, such hatred for the Myssus Wynter. Ever hear of divorce, Saul? Does that even happen in Worthverse?

Anonymous said...


Thanks, meg. I love your stuff too!

-- S. McW.

KitKat said...

SATURDAY
Saul Wynter was better off sticking with dogs, not women. And isn't it peculiar that Mary is so uninterested in the late Doris Wynter? Gee Mary, maybe Saul bumped her off! You could be solving a Santa Royale murder instead of wasting time channeling a deceased chihuahua.

fauxprof said...

Let’s resolve this right now. Someone take Mr. Wynter to the local animal shelter, and let him pick a new pet. Not a puppy, not a purebred. An adult, small mixed breed who ended up available for adoption when its elderly owner died. That would provide a good fit and an excellent message. There are plenty of wonderful dogs and cats out there who need good homes. With any luck, the new pet will be a happy, friendly little critter. (Except to Toby, of course. Toby is a sociopath, and all animals hate her on principle.)

LouiseF said...

Who the heck is Mia?

LouiseF said...

Oh, yeah, Mia was Ms. Unrequited Love... Forgot about her. I'm sure she appreciated having a chihuahua as a surrogate for her...

Garnet said...

This whole thing is just weird. First, the apparently arranged marriage. Even if Mr Wynter is in his 80s, that would mean he got married in the 50s or 60s. Arranged or forced marriages weren't common back then, as far as I know. And divorce has been socially acceptable for a long time now. It seems more sensible for a couple who don't even like each other to divorce than to stay in a pointless marriage. It also doesn't sound like they have any kids. A man marrying a woman he isn't crazy about because he impregnated her would make more sense.

I think he got along with Bella so well because she didn't have the language to tell him to stop treating people like crap because you messed up your own life.

Moss_Moses said...

Fauxprof, that is an astute observation that Toby is a sociopath. The only animals she likes are the ones she makes out of clay. She obviously did not marry for love herself. Why else would she marry Ian, who is twice her age...harumph!

MissScarlet said...

Fauxprof, of course your scenario is perfect. And there is zero chance Moy will use it, as we all know.

KitKat said...

I love animals, but this Saul-Bella thing is creepy to the nth degree. Talk about projection - yikes (“My Bella always had a smile for me.”). And seventeen years is a very good lifespan for a dog; this was not an untimely death.

Saul spared no expense on Bella’s tombstone portrait - the eyes light up. (Her face reminds me of “Children of the Damned.”)

Typing “Saul-Bella” made me think of “Saul Bellow.” KM’s nutty attempt at a literary tee-hee?

Anonymous said...

Seems like a slow day around here. Anyway, did anyone else see that Nordstrom is now selling Wilbur's old sneakers! Check it out:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/09/20/nordstrom-taped-shoes-530/1374378002/

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

Wanders, where are you? Did you die from boredom like Bella most likely did? (The blood clot was a smokescreen.)

KitKat said...

MONDAY
@Regina Wolfe-Parks, I wondered the same thing regarding the absence of Wanders. It looks like we are in for another week of "Oh Bella, you were the light of my life, etc. etc." Whoever does the lettering for the strip inadvertently left out "still" from today's first panel, i.e., "Saul Wynter and Mary are STILL at the Pet Cemetery...." Maybe there's an open grave nearby, awaiting a deceased St. Bernard. Just a push from Mary on Mr. Wynter's back, some fast shoveling, and...goodbye Saul, say hi to Bella.

LouiseF said...

Maybe Saul is inconsolable, because Bella was 17 years old in DOG years, which would make her two years and a few months old in human years. Seeing as how he has basically projected himself into dogdom, I can imagine his only seeing the world from a dog perspective. Tomorrow we will see Saul lift his leg and scratch behind his ear while crouched on Bella's grave...

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

@KitKat: Your story about pushing Myster Wynter into an open grave brings back a (not so) funny memory.

My ex-husband was a fan of Mountain. Felix Pappalardi was the guitarist for the band and he had been shot and killed by his wife. He's buried in Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx, not far from where we lived at the time. Anyway, my ex was insistent that he had to put a Mountain album on his grave. So off we went to the cemetery. They had an open grave with no tarp on the adjoining grave and I wasn't looking, ) because why would you have open grave with no tarp on it) and I almost fell in. I spent the rest of the day crying and my ex-husband thought it was hysterical. That is why he's my ex-husband.

KitKat said...

@Regina Wolfe-Parks at 10:29 a.m., what a story! I can understand why your ex became your ex. Woodlawn Cemetery must have had awfully lax practices, too. A lawsuit waiting to happen?

Chester the Dog said...

This is not a fun visit to the cemetery.

If you want to laugh in a cemetery, watch this Carol Burnett(Mama and Eunice) skit from 1979, in the cemetery. Much more fun!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6pv8ufZA5Y

Anonymous said...

Saul Wynters is a terrible person and deranged. He:

- trapped Doris into a loveless marriage

- wasted his life fantasizing about marriage to Mia
- never considered that Mia may actually be better off with someone else

- insulted Doris even more by pouring affection onto Bella
- dressed Bella like himself (psychologists say people that do this are likely to dehumanize others)

All this dysfunctional behavior has become manifested in a giant tombstone.

This man needs professional help.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

"I owned a successful car repair shop. I called it Gasoline Alley."

Wanders, I'm worried about you!! What the #$*! is going on???? Did Saul and my ex-husband push you into a freshly dug grave?

Nance said...

TUESDAY

Good heavens, I'm so bored.

fauxprof said...

Remember when we were so excited about a pool party and a new character? How long ago was that? Once again, we are collectively Charlie Brown and Karen Moy is Lucy, pulling away the football. We’ve been wandering around this bizarre graveyard for pets so long I feel as if we’re trapped in a very bad parody of a Stephen King novel. No wonder Wanders has wandered away from us.

KitKat said...

I never would have pegged Saul Wynter as the owner of a car repair shop. Things could have turned out differently if he and his brother, Paul, had parlayed their automotive knowledge into a radio show (later a podcast) called "Auto Blab."

Anonymous said...


The untold backstory is that Mia's parents didn't approve of Saul. In fact, Mia didn't approve of Saul. She didn't like his perpetual ill-tempered mood. So she married a man she deeply loved and they had 10 kids and 40 grandkids, all of whom she adored. Saul used to spy on her from the bushes and seethe with resentment. Finally, he stole her granddaughter's puppy for spite.

-- Scottie McW.

Chester the Dog said...

Successful car repair shop? Look at the passenger side of the car, it is a mess!

LouiseF said...

Oh, you knew we weren't going to be spared a scene of Mary and Saul in the car. I'm glad that Saul is driving with his hands in the 10 and 2 position. He's such a stereotype of an older driver, white-knuckling the steering wheel. AARP could use this panel to illustrate correct driving position..And Mary, she's so bored, all she does is parrot back to Saul his conversation...Not sure what grief workbook SHE's working out of. Eternal repetition might show she's listening, but after awhile I'd be wishing for HER absence...

meg said...

That’s not a steering wheel Saul is grasping. it’s a chocolate covered pretzel.

Sandi Ego said...

Saul isn't sure he wants to explore other things. The gauntlet has been thrown down. Mary is ready to get to work. I think I called it eleventy-billion weeks ago, Saul will either adopt a puppy or meet a sassy widow who is volunteering at the shelter. Please let it be tomorrow.

meg said...

He’s already met the sassy widow! Next up, Bella 2.0.

Regina Wolfe-Parks said...

This story line finally broke Wanders and he's bailed on us. We are going to have a week of Mary repeating herself until she drives Myster Wynter to the pound to pick up a Bella replacement. (Maybe.)

TimP said...

Between the coupe like roofline, handless doors, and the irregular character lines, I have to give Saul Wynter credit for having a pretty out there car.

He may be a terrible grump but you can't say he doesn't carry it off with a certain panache.

Chester the Dog said...

Mary still has not mentioned that she killed the dog with her salmon (uncooked) treats.

meg said...

Will Saul let New Bella sample the next batch of salmon treats?

KitKat said...

Since Saul asserts that he can’t yet make peace with Bella’s passing, he might be contemplating the Aldo Kelrast maneuver, with Mary as collateral damage.

RobC said...

Silly Saul, don't you know you can clone Bella now? Too bad you her cremated. There are probably plenty of hair follicles on your choice.

Tim said...

How many people self identify as grumps? Those who describe themselves as grumps are usually speaking tongue in cheek.

Sandi Ego said...

Seat belts are for babies.

Tim said...

I suspect Karen Moy wanted to do a story arc about grief but was afraid of causing massive anger and deep offence by botching a story about grief over the loss of a spouse. She wanted to go there but just could not so. Instead she is doing a deeply irritating story about the death of a dog.

If Mary tried to console me with muffins, salmon snacks and inappropriate, insensitive and stupid advice after the loss of my wife I may have moved to another country.

Yahoonski said...

Maybe Saul will go full-Aldo and drive them both off a cliff. Mary will survive, however, leaping from the car at the last moment and hanging on by her fingertips until, by a miraculous coincidence, Esme the Entertainer happens by to pull her to safety.

TimP said...

@ Yahoonski, then Mary can ghostwrite about it in one or the other of Wilbur Weston's curiously persistent advice/trauma porn columns in the Santa Royale PennySaver.

lmjb1964 said...

I'm starting to get worried about Wanders. And now Nance has gone missing. Maybe one by one people are succumbing to insanity by boredom from the inanity and repetition of this story. I definitely feel it coming on. I think only everyone's great comments are helping me hang onto a shred of sanity.

meg said...

Thursday

Oy! Saul seems to be Jewish! Who knew?