Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Mary Worth 237

Because of her hearing loss, Mary Worth has her voice mail machine turned up so loudly that passersby can hear it, even through closed windows. She keeps her windows closed in this gorgeous weather to help cultivate that old lady smell inside her apartment. And it is the old lady smell that has turned Mary into a cranky old game playing love diva. "I'd like to forgive you, Jeff, but after what you said about my breaking our date so I could go to La Rosa with Ron, well, I think I'm going to have to key your car and carve my name into your bucket seats."

11 comments:

shandyowl said...

You're nothing but a mean old lady, Mary Worth!

Nathan said...

Oh my... I can see it coming now. Poor Jeff...poor, poor, besotted little Jeff. She'd "like to forgive him, but..." But what, Mary? Dare we ask?

For now, all we can do is wait in growing horror to find out just what punishment Mary has concocted; but rest assured, it's going to be something extremely painful for poor Dr. Jeff Corey. We're talking racks and thumbscrews here, fellows...

Hell hath no fury like a psychopathic, meddling old lady scorned...

shandyowl said...

nathan you called it: "I'd like to forgive you but you already ate the poisoned chowder"

Lindsey said...

Wasn't the whole point of this storyline that Ron and Rich should forgive each other despite the past and get alone? What an old hypocrite.

Les said...

I don't think that window opens.

spike said...

nathan and lindsey for a photo finish!

Maybe this is kind of a "bookend" storyline to the "poor, young, sensitive" nine-year-old Mary Worth. That child is now just a hard, old, bitter woman...who wants Ron instead of Jeff.

Don't call the old girl, again, Jeff. It'll only be fodder for the next Charterstone pool party.

NellyOlsen'sConjoinedTwin said...

Thee funky stench
of old maids meddling
hath power more than
the church is peddling

From twice-cursed text
our elders know
thine powers, meddling
from Low Worlds flow

Beware! Alas!
The Lady Worth
Works Wicked Arts
Upon the Earth

And woe to thee
Who cross'd her path --
For none survive
The Lady's wrath.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, this is brilliant poetry, just brilliant. I had to read it out loud several times to savor it...

"Beware! Alas!
The Lady Worth
Works Wicked Arts
Upon the Earth"

Eats Shoots And Leaves said...

Mary Worth is sort of like Satan, isn't she? Like a roaring (or in her case, meddling) lion, she walks about, seeking whom she may devour.

Plus, her apartment stinks of brimestone and Bengay.

Anonymous said...

Oh, naive eats. I'm embarrassed for you.

Mary isn't 'sort of like' Satan ...

Also: what is this "brime-stone" of which you speak? Well said, by the way..!

Eats Shoots And Leaves said...

Anony:

(D'oh! Need spellcheck.)

"Brimestone" is like "Krab" salad; cheaper than the real thing, but almost as good.