"Mary Doesn't Answer Jeff's Calls
and Other Fun Facts About Mary Worth."
Mary sits on a bed.
Mary uses Liquid Pledge.
Mary has a hard mattress.
Mary's pillows don't fluff.
Mary carries a grudge.
Satan fears Mary.
Every dollar will go to rehabilitate Santa Royale's lost souls: Jill Black, Dan Smithers, Nola Wolvenson (REHABILITATED), Bonnie Johnson (REHABILITATED), Helen Clark and especially Wanders himself.