Saturday, September 6, 2008

Mary Worth 306

No, Toby, you're never careless with your credit card. Never ever. But you are a remarkable actress. It takes a deep talent to reel in shock for such a sustained period of time. Many developing artists have watched this performance in amazement. For them I have transcribed your entire telephone conversation. Acting with a telephone is more challenging than most people realize, so I offer the following to be used as an exercise in acting class:

TOBY (speaking on the telephone): This is Mrs. Toby Cameron. I received a message about a fraud alert on my account! It must be some kind of mistake!

TELEPHONE: We suspect it's not. Did you move to CANADA?

TOBY: Canada? No of course not! I'm at the same address as always!

TELEPHONE: Just as we thought. We noticed not only a change of address for you, but also unusually large purchases recently made on your card.

TOBY (reeling in shock): !!! Reassigned me a Canadian address? Unusually large purchases on my credit card? ... You've got to be kidding me!

TELEPHONE: I'm sorry Mrs. Cameron. It looks like someone gained access to your account and took advantage of that.

TOBY: I don't believe this! How bad is the damage?

TELEPHONE: In addition to the charges made on your credit card, there were several large ATM withdrawals made as well.

TOBY: But my credit card wasn't stolen! And I only shop at reputable stores!

TELEPHONE: I'm sorry. Your current credit card balance is $18,000.

TOBY: Oh, my! (Aside:) Ian's going to kill me!

TELEPHONE: We'll try to work with you to control the damage...

TOBY: I can't believe this is happening to me!

TELEPHONE: We've seen this occur before, Mrs. Cameron. It's unfortunate, but it seems you've become a victim of identity fraud.

TOBY: What's going to happen now?

TELEPHONE: We'll immediately close your account. This will stop further damage from happening.

TOBY: What about the damage that's already been done?

TELEPHONE: We'll reverse the credit card balance and reissue you a new card. Rest assured.

TOBY: Easy for YOU to say. You said someone changed my account address to a Canadian one?

TELEPHONE: Yes. With technology today, access to personal information crosses all borders. Financial crime occurs everywhere. Anyone can be a target.

TOBY: Like me. I'm so upset I can hardly see straight.

TELEPHONE: Mrs. Cameron, we want to help you and we're willing to cooperate in any way we can. Nowadays public access to private information has become commonplace. It's unfortunate this happened to you.

TOBY: "Unfortunate" is not the word for it!

TELEPHONE: We'll process a claim for you. Identity fraud is a serious crime and we want to protect our customers.

TOBY: Thank you. I'm sorry for my outburst... I'm upset that this has happened. I appreciate your help.

TELEPHONE: You can call us if you have further questions.


Today's full strip.


pandagrandma said...

"I do declare! I believe I'm getting the vapors!"

spike said...

Next: Toby decides that one of the miscreants to whom she gave her credit card during her "spending binge" is responsible for the theft, and complains to all the bosses, who subsequently fire the help.

Toby later discovers that it was her reply to that "irgent message" that precipitated the whole identity theft process. Filled with guilt, she adopts both the waiter and gas monkey, who have ended up on Skid Row.

Ian returns from Chicago and discovers he has a new family.

LibraryMichael said...

This looks like a Golden Globe winning performance if I ever saw one! LOL

mary, Quite Contrary said...

But Wanders, you forgot this bit of dialogue from 8/18, which PROVES that Toby IS careless with her credit card:

What's this? A charge from "Pretty Purposes"? I don't remember that.

I hope my memory's not becoming faulty. Oh... well, it's only $1.09.

Now, who uses their credit card for a $1.09 purchase? If Toby is so very careful with her credit card, where was the outrage over that? Why didn't she fall to her knees, screaming, "I NEVER HEARD OF PRETTY PURPOSES!!!!" But, no, she dismissed it, because after all, she has a $25,000 credit limit or some such thing.

Won't Mary or Ian show up soon? I don't think I can take much more. The suspense is killing me.

Drak said...

I know that has already been discussed, but it still bugs me that somehow Karen Moy thinks that by closing the credit card account and opening a new one, the problem will be solved - never mind all the additional information that was stolen. It bugs me that they seem to know the crooks' Canadian address. It also bugs the heck out of me that somehow they made ATM withdrawals with a credit card number, rather than an actual card. And it bugs me most of all that I've been following this story for over a month of my life!

maconmemad said...

Ah sweet mother of suspense!
I love spike's story line. Can't you just see the look of surprise on chin beard's face when he walks in to find "gas monkey" lying on the couch in his boxers watching the Scotland DVD? "hey man, you bringin' in some cold beer?"
The mind nearly burst with the plot turns possible from here!! Moy you heartless teaser!

pandagrandma said...

drak: I wondered what was up with the ATM withdrawals, too, but apparently once the thief has the card details, they apply a new magnetic strip to a blank, conterfeit card and then it can be used to withdraw cash at ATMs. Supposedly it is very easy to do, and of course it was a piece of cake in Toby's case because she supplied all of her personal information to the "enormoushop" phishing email request.

Tina said...

Ha! You're awesome, wanders.

beth said...

This script is just begging to be dramatized on video like this talented group did with a Mary Worth storyline several years ago:

Please - someone out there do it!

Lemon Jell-o said...

In the second panel of the strip, Toby looks like she's about to have ... a thought. She look suitably confused by the alien sensations, but she may be on the verge of figuring something out for the very first time.

Poor Ian, is he about to come home to a liberated Toby spouting "ideas" and "notions" and other such un-ladylike behavior, instead of bending unerringly to his manly will as all good wives should do?

Maude Findlay said...

I'm waiting for the REAL twist in the story- that Ian has some Canadian floozy stashed up north, and the two of them schemed the whole thing, and are now living the high life, on poor Toby's 18K, somewhere in Canada. ''Pretty Purposes'' is probably some Toronto massage parlor, where Ian met the skank, on his last ''convention'' trip!

boojum said...


Love the scenario.

"Tonight: Toeby Cameron IS. . . Hedda Gabler."