Thursday, December 18, 2008

Mary Worth 394

But you can, Lynn! With Mary Worth's wonderful Bad Feelings Suppression Tube&trade, you can suck those regrets right out of your head, and keep only the best of your memories. Simply attach the Suppression Tube&trade to any opening on your head: You mouth, ear, or that blond exhaust pipe on the back of your scalp. Flip the switch, and voila! All the negative memories are gathered together in the handy-dandy disposable Dark Bag of Doom&trade . Replacement bags are available at CVS, Walgreens and other fine stores. Get two. In your case, you'll need them. (Patent Pending.)

Today's Full Strip

10 comments:

Underblog said...

The Suppression Tube appears to be a hindsight "don't think bad thoughts" device. Genius!

shandyowl said...

I don't think it comes as a surprise to any of us that Mary casts no shadow...

Anonymous said...

Where did Mary and Lynn walk to?

manz said...

This is hilarious. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

Three platitudes in a three panel strip may be a record.

Jessica said...

"Keep only the best of your memories"?! Could this be Mary's most harmful advice yet? What about "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it (Santayana) or "Never forget" (Tupac)?

Were we to heed Mary's advice to keep only the best of our memories, she would essentially be erased from history, and cease to exist outside of the two nonsensical rectangles from the present day's newspaper, each day a pointless non sequitur with no past or future. So, basically, she would become Zippy the Pinhead.

Anonymous said...

Jessica: I appreciate your observations but I learned long ago that when reading Mary Worth one must abandon intellect and common sense or go mad.

Nathan said...

Warning:
Side effects may include:
loss of free will; chronic blandness, or Vera-Shields-itis; prolonged periods of advanced stupidity (better known as Toby's Disease); inexplicable feelings of attraction towards Doctor Drew Corey; overwhelming feelings of gratitude, devotion, and love for Mary Worth, to the exclusion of all other past, present, and future acquaintances, family members, friends, and/or spouse(s).

If you experience any sudden transformations into a mindless zombie in Mary Worth's Army of Undead Soldiers, please stop using the product, and call Mary Worth. She'll be quite happy to help you deal with your new-found personality issues.

Uberland said...

Then Mary pokes a drinking straw into the fresh-filled Dark Bag of Doom(TM), removes her legs so she can stretch out her leathery dorsal tentacles, and kicks back to watch the 36-hour Murder, She Wrote marathon.

Ssssssip ... ssssssip ...

Anonymous said...

My only question is, if I order now, will my Suppression Tube (TM) arrive by Christmas? I think we can all agree, family time just isn't family time without the Supression Tube (TM).

If you could put a rush on my order I would appreciate it. I also urgently need to suppress the image of Lynn's freaky samuraii ponytail shadow.