Monday, January 26, 2009

First Annual Worthy Awards

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the first annual Worthy Awards, where we gather to pay tribute to outstanding achievement for 2008 in the comic strip series "Mary Worth" written by the estimable Karen Moy, and drawn by the legendary Joe Giella.

Nominees were chosen by the Charterstone Condo Board, and tonight's award recipients were selected through secret ballot by you, dear readers. All nominees have earned the respect and admiration of millions upon millions of Mary Worth fans. Thousands have voted, and some categories were extremely close, one winning by less than half a percentage point.

However, before we commence the joyful festivities, we begin with a special Condo Board award to a very special recipient. The Aldo Kelrast award is given each year to a Mary Worth character who dies. This year, the nominees are Dead Greg and Donna Amalfi...

Dead Greg was Lynn Griffin's swan-stoning boyfriend until he died to appease the gods when Lynn won the Junior Championship. Donna Amalfi's death brought two brawling brothers together, and tore apart one elderly couple for a short while when Mary started dating Ron Amalfi.

And, now, the Aldo Kelrast Award goes to:


I'm particularly pleased to see Donna Amalfi win this award because her death took Mrs. Wanders and me to Chicago's Amalfi Hotel to mourn and sight-see. To read my two favorite posts of 2008, you can click here and here.

And now, on to the winners of the First Annual Worthy Awards, chosen by our Dear Readers.

The nominees for Best Costume are:

It Must Be a Rare Item of Sorts:

It's Never Boring With You Around, Ian:

Seafood Scampi:

Not Tonight, Jeff:

And the Worthy Award goes to...

It's Never Boring With You Around, Ian:

This award recognizes a trend in the costuming industry: Less is more. And in this particular case, "less" is a whole lot more than anyone wants.

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by a Guest Character are:

Donna Amalfi:

Ron Amalfi:

Lynn Griffin:

Sean Finnery:

And the Worthy Award goes to:

Lynn Griffin:

This is Lynn's first Worthy Award; however, she recently won the Junior Championship Ice Skating Game, so she's no stranger to accolades.

The nominees for Outstanding Panel of the Year are:

"Maybe I'll Retile the Kitchen Floor Tomorrow."

"I'll Be Right Over."

"Please Forgive Me, Mom!"

"I Can't Find Peace."

And the Worthy Award for Outstanding Panel of the Year goes to:

"Maybe I'll Retile the Kitchen Floor Tomorrow."

This is the first time a panel featuring a supposition has received a Worthy Award.

And now, a special Worthy Award to Julie Andrews!

Julie! Such courage. Mary Worth fans certainly know what it is like to be egregiously overlooked. Bless you, Julie. You're still the classiest woman in the world. Perhaps one day Julie Findrews and Sean Finnery can appear in a Mary Worth strip together. However, now that Dame Andrews has thrown the Worthy Awards into complete chaos, let's pause for a special musical number from one of my all-time favorite musicals, The Drowsy Chaperone starring Sutton Foster:

(Shout out to Janet and Bob.)

Now, back to the events at hand:

The nominees for Outstanding Performance by an Established Character are:

Toby Cameron: "I'm not careless with my credit card!"

Mary Worth: "Mistakes were made."

Dr. Jeff Corey: "Maybe I was wrong about us!"

Dr. Drew Corey: "There's no need to talk about the past:

And the Worthy goes to:

Toby Cameron: "I'm not careless with my credit card!"

Amazingly, this is Mrs. Cameron's first Worthy Award, but only because this is the First Annual Worthy Awards Ceremony.

Now, the moment everyone has been waiting for:

The nominees for Outstanding Story for 2008 are:

Ice Castles:

Tender Bud/Dirty Root (The Break Up):

My Compulsion to Help Others:

Vera Dumps Drew... Again:

And the Worthy Award for 2008's Outstanding Story goes to:

My Compulsion to Help Others:

Well, 2008 was quite a year, and this year's Worthy Awards would not have been possible without Karen Moy and Joe Giella, so I want to thank them for dedicating so much of themselves to our entertainment. And I want to thank you dear reader for your dedication to such an important cultural icon as Mary Worth. And let's not forget our sponsor:

Good night, and drive home safely.


pamster said...

Great show, Wanders! It had wonderful singing and dancing, drama, suspense and, unlike the strip which it honored, it didn't run long!

Amber said...

Bravo, bravo! This has unquestionably been the most exciting Charterstone event since last year's pool party. Congratulations to all award recipients - but I think we all feel like winners.

Moy said...

Dear Readers,

I humbly accept your accolades and do so in the spirit in which they were offered. You have inspired me to continue in my efforts to provide the best writing that the comic pages have to offer. I can promise you more Worthy Award action to follow. What is most gratifying to me is that you like me. You really like me.

Anonymous said...

the first one can't be annual, it would be the inaugural worthy awards. next year you can say second annual.

Wanders said...

Thank you anonymous for pointing out our gregarious error. I'm sure it is the first time I've ever made such a misanthropic misuse of language. I promise to be more extracting in my use of words in the future.

However, you're making quite an assumption to suppose that just because there is a first annual, that there will be a second annual. I make no promises.

n.t. said...

I was quite glad to see "I'm not careless with my credit card" receive an award. However, unless, I misunderstand the rules for eligibility, I feel that Mary Worth's weird geometric shirt was overlooked for Best Costume.

Congratulations to all the winners! =)

Anonymous said...

From the Website: Common Errors in English:

Some people get upset when the “first annual” occurrence of some event is announced, arguing that it doesn’t become annual until it’s been repeated. But “first annual” simply means “the first of what is planned to be an annual series of events”—it’s a fine expression.

Anonymous said...

I may never watch the Oscars,SAGS,or Golden Globes but I will never ever miss the Worthy Awards. Toby Cameron really cleaned up.

spike said...

However, you're making quite an assumption to suppose that just because there is a first annual, that there will be a second annual. I make no promises.

Egads, Wanders! I've already been counting down the days to the next awards ceremony...

Carol said...

I already ordered my gown for next year. Right now I'm wearing a stunning ensemble in chiffon featuring appliqued kittens.

My children and the cats are bewildered.

Anonymous said...

I guess I missed the Best Song segment, "When Chester the Dog sings "I'll Be Honme For Christmas", or was that last year?

Maggie said...

I'll say it again, this was a great year for Mary Worth. Toby in particular had a break out year. (you'd have to do something special to beat out "Mistakes were made.")

Great show, and here's to 2009.