Thank you for considering Local University. We think that you will be pleased with what we have to offer. Our professors are some of the best mid-level academics in the county. And we offer several outstanding degrees:
1) Doctoring. Our excellent three-and-a-half-year medical program will prepare you for an exciting career as a doctor at a hospital where sick people go.
2) Professor. Teach pedagogy or philosophy. Or something else. Be a university professor at Local U. Why leave?
3) Art. We'll teach you to draw all kinds of things. And if you can't get a job as an artist, you can still be an art professor here at Local U.
4) Graphic Design. This is a really exciting program that is sort of like art.
5) Newspaper writing. Write for a newspaper using a chic pseudonym. Men can even pretend to be women. Or take pictures for the newspaper and destroy people's so-called relationships.
6) Town Councilman. We'll show you how to bypass the democratic process to get appointed to the choicest seats of power.
7) Ice Skater. You'll learn to keep it tight.
These are just a few of the eight rigorous academic programs available at Local U. But if you think of any others, please let us know and we'll be happy to add them.
Dean of Academics
Local University, Santa Royale
P.S., Send us some money. We're going to build a building.