Saturday, March 24, 2012

Mary Worth 1,259

Nola has fled Santa Royale's Most Expensive Shopping District without getting What She Wants! The shame. O, the shame!

Today's Full Strip

30 comments:

Thorpnotized said...

Mary's Magic Words of Wisdom must have had some sort of effect on Nola. Otherwise, she would have laughed in D-Dan's face, and told him off.

heydave said...

Uh, just what was that advice Nola was seeking so long ago?

kathyo said...

Another cameo appearance by Park Bench! Now I suppose Mary and Toby will just happen to walk by with words of wisdom.

KitKat said...

Words cannot express my disappointment in Nola. Like Thorpnotized, I was hoping for some big-time sass from Nola as she scoffed at Dan. Next week we'll see Nola flying off to Peace Village to atone for her terrible life. Mary Worth ruins everything!

Maude Findlay said...

I'm still hoping for the appearance of a disheveled homeless woman, pointing accusingly and screaming; ''You're that #@!%?! that had an affair with my husband! He threw me out on the streets, I have nowhere to go, you ruined my life, you %$#@!''

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm sure Dan never confronted Nola before. And when there is theft, there is evidence. Where did the money or property go? Does Moy think anything through?

Anonymous said...

Smithers never heard of defamation, or tortious interference with a business contract? He was not executive material
to begin with. Don't lawyers advertise on TV in SR? Is there TV in SR?

jennahrationex said...

After D-dan gave Nola Hail Columbia about her lying ways, her indifferent Shopping Bag and Matching Purple Handbag are the only ones willing to share the Park Bench of Shame. They don't look too thrilled about it, either. Once they were toted about by someone who knows what she wants and knows how to get it, and now they just belong to another disconsolate Santa Royalian, weeping alone in public before the intervention of Mary Worth sets phasers to "boring."

WV: I'm severmad a strong (albeit antisocial) character is going to start repenting. Where's the fun in that?

Imogene said...

Doesn't Santa Royale have employees to mow the grass in a public area next to the Most Expensive Shopping District in Town? This is just disgusting...

On oh, so many, levels.

Robert said...

So I guess we'll eventually be subjected to another dull lunch where Nola blubbers about her guilt and now she'll quit her ill-gotten job and go to work at Peace Village.

maconmemad said...

Nola backwards is alone less the "e" the e that's missing stands for empathy.

Vicki said...

likewise, I was hoping Nola would put up more of a fuss about how "I always get what I want" and it's "not my fault your wife left you and you're a drunk!". A repentent Nola is NO fun! *pouting*

Amanda Kate said...

"I can't believe I left the house dressed completely in purple! Oh the shame of it all!"

Sandi Ego said...

Nola is ripe for a purse-snatching, leaving her designer handbag on a park bench like that. Has she learned nothing from Mary's travails? Does she even have a list? What a !@#$%^.

Punky said...

Just catching up after a couple of weeks away. My, how action-packed the last few days have been!

Re the last panel in Sunday's strip: it's good to see what Professor Chinbeard has been up to lately. And a side note: what happened to all of this week's profanities? They were clearly cleaned up for the Sunday funnies page. I guess even fake curses are taboo.

heydave said...

And just how tall is that shopping cart in the final panel? The handle is chest high? %$#@!?

Or is the slumming Dr. Chinbeard that short?

Anonymous said...

How come it's always night in Post-Apocalyptic Emerald City, but day in the park? That's one heck of a terminator.

Poor Mannequin. She's so traumatized by events that her sleeves fell off.

Wonder how much clown-painting Toby's going to do. Chinbeard's got a heck of a lot of paint in that cart.

--Beagle Vet

Sandi Ego said...

Talk about phoning it in. Sunday's strip is as lazy as cartooning can be. Worse, though, Nola is wearing white shoes before Easter. Hmmph. So much for being a sharp dresser.

meg said...

Ian Cameron, Jr, son of Ian and his first wife, Doty, pushes his days' collection of cans and bottles through the park. Jr. was cut off without a cent when Ian divorced his mom in order to marry Toby. He was forced to drop out of his sales training course at University, and has now made a career in recycling. His business is called "Young Ian, dirty and green at the same time".

He is struggling to get his web site up and going because Library has banned him from computer use until he can practice proper hygiene. His eyes light hopefully on the iPad5G (Nola was unwilling to settle for the iPad4G, and we know she gets what she wants) which is peeping out of the top of the bag.

"Hoot Mon!" he thinks, "Aye cuid use that bonnie wee machine. Perhaps yon lovely lassie will let me borrow it until June 21-the day of my annual bath."

He approaches her slowly, being careful not to breathe out or to expose his oxters in a fragrant, ur, flagrant manner.

"Excuse me, missie, wad ye be lettin' me have a wee luik at yon iPad. I'll gie it back to ye in a fortnight."

Nola: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *&^%$#@!*&^%$#@!! Somebody call the police!"

Jr.: "Well, if that's the way ye feel aboot it, ye can just put it 'atween yer knees and roon away w' it."

Nola: "Well, hello, handsome! I like a man who'll stand up to me."

To be continued...(or not)

Vicki said...

@meg - I'm sitting here "laughing out loud" literally. That was funny!!!

I confess...I had to stare at the shopping cart for awhile to figure out what the heck Ian Jr. was carting around. At first I thought they were colorful shoes! "Hey, miss, would ya' like to buy some lovely red ballet slippers? For YOU, I can make a wonderful deal..."

Thorpnotized said...

@ Punky: See today's Baby Blues strip for some Sunday funnies cursing.

Not unlike Nola, I am in tears reading today's strip. But they are tears of boredom, from being fed this rehash of last weeks storyline (in thought bubbles, no less). I can only imagine what next week has in store, as Nola takes another six days to relate her encounter with D-Dan to Mary, who will just happen to see Nola in the park. And then Mary can recount Nola's story to Toby the following week. And then Toby can tell Ian the week after that. This could go on until May...

Anonymous said...

What Nola wants, Nola gets.

And what Nola wants right now is a shopping cart...

Poor little short guy.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Meg, you should take over the "Outlander" series from Diana Gabaldon. Your Scots-accent writing is far better than hers.

I'm looking forward to some clever double entendres involving dirks, cabers, haggis, and cullen skink soup.

But if Chinbeard Jr. calls Nola "Sassenach" I'm leaving.

--Beagle Vet

meg said...

continued from 3/24...

The scene, Santa Royale Park, a spring day in the year 2022. The sun is shining, birds are singing, children are playing.

In the far background, the Santa Royale skyline has grown to magnificent proportions.
There is an Empire State Building, a Chrysler building, a Sears Tower, Big Ben, Sphinx, Buckingham Palace, Space Needle, and....did I forget anything? Oh, yes, now I remember-the Alamo.

Nearby Goleta has become the biggest city for casino gambling in the county, and Santa Royale has benefited accordingly. Mary, Ian Cameron, Bonnie (Bonnie Johnson), and Wilbur are employed as greeters at the Big Ben Grand, Toby is senior cocktail server at the Buckingham Palace Palace, and Dawn is acquainted , if you know what I mean, with many of the high rollers who frequent the Harrah's Hooters. Life is good- all the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the sales-training graduates are above average.

Along the very wide sidewalk come a couple with a baby. He is being pushed in a grocery cart.

The father is a handsome, clean-shaven man with blue hair. He is wearing plaid Ralph Mac Lauren shorts, a golf shirt with AAO2020 on the front (refers to the election of President Apolo Anton Ohno), and recycled deck shoes.

He is Ian Cameron Sr (formerly Jr, but changed to Sr when baby Ian Jr was born and Ian Emeritus [formerly Sr] ascended to his current appellation). His once-white hair has returned to its natural blue after a thorough shampooing by the barber at the Alamo Bingo Hall Spa.

The mother is a happy-looking woman wearing a Juicy brand purple track suit, carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag and a Coach diaper bag. She is also wearing a David Yurman bracelet, a Tiffany ring, and Ferragamo sneakers.
,
She is Chelsy Cameron, a semi-retired shoplifter whom Ian Sr (the former Ian Jr) met at the courthouse when he accompanied Nola to one of her court dates (it coincided with his appearance in the matter of a loitering and public nuisance offense- his case was dismissed).

Nola's trial was long and messy with multiple charges including lying to the FBI, bearing false witness, and fraudulent conversion; she is currently doing ten-to-twelve in the Santa Royale Federal Supermax unit. Mary Worth was the star witness for the prosecution.

(What? What? You didn't think Nola was going to have a happy ending, did you?)

Anonymous said...

[MONDAY]
Nola expects Can-Man will lend a sympathetic ear to the story of her miserable life. But he is actually one of Smithers' new friends, and is about to inform her, "You're sitting on MY park bench, @^%$#!", as he rams his shopping cart into her shins. Nola will not get what she wants this time...

KitKat said...

meg @ 11:28 AM, you knocked it out of the park again! Just also give us an update on Dan Smithers.

meg said...

Santa Royale Daily Whig-Herald

Smithers Indicted on Four Counts

Dan Smithers, an important witness in last week's trial of Nola Wolvenson, has himself been charged with four separate crimes.

A full audit of Corporation's books was undertaken before Wolvenson's trial. Although it was determined that she had indeed embezzled a considerable sum, it was also discovered that Smithers had stolen money from the coffee and birthday cake fund. He has been charged with not-so-petty theft: Corporation's employees drink a lot of coffee and have many birthdays.

The other, more shocking, charges are three counts of bigamy. When Smithers' picture appeared in papers nationwide, he was recognized by three people who claimed to have been married to him over the last several years. Blondie Bumstead "Smithers" married Dan Smithers after the untimely death of Dagwood, and one of the girls in Apartment 3-G also wed Smithers. The third spouse, Waylon "Smithers" claims he wed Dan Smithers in a same-sex ceremony in Springfield last year. A request for an interview with Waylon Smithers' employer, the tycoon magnate titan Montgomery Burns, was declined.

Dan Smithers is currently being held in protective custody after numerous threats from his four wives, er, spouses.

On a happier note, Dan Smithers' long lost identical twin, Wayne T. Kidnaper, has been reunited with his brother. The two brothers were separated at birth; they now hope to make up for lost time while sharing a cell at Prison.

Mike in Cleveland said...

Meg, you're a pip! (;D)

Anonymous said...

Daily Whig-Herald! Brilliant!

What happens to Drew?

--Beagle Vet

Anonymous said...

Nothing like ol' "Bum Magic" to change ones life.