Sunday, May 6, 2012

Mary Worth 1,295

For most of us who know this couple?? Huh? The only people who know this couple are New York Blazes' groupies trying to get at the guys, or Federal Marshals trying to keep the mafia away from Gina. But I guess even a Federal Marshal loves a good wedding.

Today's Full Strip

49 comments:

meg said...

Bobby and Gina stare adoringly at each other as they recite their vows.

Suddenly, klieg lights illuminate the stately mansion and its grounds.

"All right, people, don't panic! It's COMIC REALITY TIME!"

"ASHTON KUTCHER??!!!?"

"Yep, it's me, and this is my new show. The so-called Mary Worth strip can't go on like this.

"For example, people, you are all standing outside around a pergola covered with roses.
It's early May, people! On the fraggin' North shore of LawnGuyland! It's 40 degrees with 98% relative humidity- no one is standing around in a sleeveless silk dress tonight- not in the real world. And there ain't no blooming roses, either.

"And why is the sun still shining in this strip? Even if Mary left Santa Royalabarbara at 5AM, got her luggage and a cab immediately, it still has to be at least 6PM when she arrived here. Allow time for her to change into that floppy frock, and for Gina to put on her bridal gown, and for the gray and yellow guests to arrive...Have a couple of drinks, make your big announcement, go outside. No way the sun is still shining.

"And speaking of wardrobe- some of you guys are wearing full morning dress- which would be fine if you were Prince William attending a wedding, but c'mon. It's not morning, and you're not Prince William. And, hey, Milton Berle, Jr, in your wrinkled gray suit with no tie? Better hold on tight to your cocktail, I'm throwing you out of here in about a minute.

"And how about the bride? For the love of Pele, woman, couldn't you have gotten your hair done? Your hairstyle looks like it came off a Bratz doll. Don't get me started on Bobby Black the major player/celebrity. C'mon, man, you play arena soccer. I don't even know what that is. And the only person who thinks you're a celebrity is your air-headed waitress sweetheart.

"You welcomed your family and friends. What family? Mama Baroni/Jiminez is deceased, Papa Jiminez disappeared a decade ago, and never once has Bobby indicated he has so much as a second cousin. Friends? Friends? Mary Worth called you an 'old friend.' Well, well, well. Let's have a math lesson. Mary is 132 years old. She has known the bride since July 27. Today is May 5. Mary has been alive for approximately 48180 days. She has known Gina for 282 days. That is one-half of one percent of Mary's life. Old friends? I think not.

"Do I hear you background guests chuckling? I wouldn't laugh if I were you. Why are you so darn tiny? You're only a few yards away, not a few miles. And you're all gray-well, I can't blame that on you. It's just because Joe Giella is too lazy to draw and color you properly.

"Okay, people, you can calm down. You're not inept and lazy- you're just drawn and written that way. We're here to pick up the real culprits in this fiasco- Karen Moy and Joe Giella.

"Officer Tracy- I think you'll find Moy and Giella crouching behind the tiny people. Take 'em away. And if they protest police brutality, Rex Morgan MD and Judge Parker are here as witnesses.

"The rest of you people, just leave quietly in your cars with steering wheels on the wrong side, or in taxis with immaculately-groomed cabbies who speak in Shakespearean prose. And don't show up back in this strip until you are the proper height and colors.

"You, Mary Worth, you're coming with me. I like me an older lady once in a while, especially if she's wearing a carnation pink housedress."

"Oh, Ashton, you're so handsome when you're outraged. Let's light up the sky!"

Hodces Dirchnic / Thorpnotized said...

I didn’t comment much last week, so I have to make up for that today. The first two throwaway panels were aptly named, from the mind-numbing French saying to Mary’s typical self-congratulatory thoughts. This strip would have been more interesting if they had gotten televangelist Johnny Thomas to officiate the ceremony, instead of “digging up” Allen Ludden. Shouldn’t Mary be standing with the happy couple as Gina’s matron of honor?

Gina must have popped in her hazel contacts (her eyes were blue all last week) and trimmed her ponytail during the long trek from the mansion down to the gazebo. Bobby looks like he’s about to pass out.

I guess we can look forward to Gina and Bobby exchanging their vows for the rest of this week as the pace of this storyline begins to slow...

Shmoopie said...

You know what I think? Maybe this jet-setting story was just one of those little interludes (instead of Jeff asking Mary yet again if she would please marry him already). It's moved way too fast to be a real story. Mary might reminisce for another week on the plane home or as she strolls through the varied landscapes of Llyods Neck, but I have a feeling this story is done and dusted.

fauxprof said...

Wait, wait, folks, there may be plot development yet! Could it be that we are on the verge of a "Jane Eyre" moment? Well, not the full-scale madwoman-in-the-attic scenario, but the modern equivalent. Picture one of those fearsome soccer groupies showing up, infant in a stroller, denouncing Bobby as the baby daddy! Now there's something to justify Mary's meddlesome existence.

Anonymous said...

I hope the mob breaks in and shoots up the reception. It's the only thing that could liven up this boring catered affair.

Sandi Ego said...

Nothing like getting right down to business with a brief intro followed by unsentimental vows. Thank you, Reverend Ebenezer Stern from the New Puritan Revival Congregational Brethren Church.

Vicki said...

@Meg -- that just cracks me up and everything you said is so true! Interesting to note, too, that no one seems to want to sit next to Mary for too long! (Does she smell? Does she babble on and on? Does she smell AND babble on and on??)

And just WHERE did all these tiny guests come from? They sure weren't inside the mansion! Obviously the Blaze groupies mole has been busy texting: "omg!!! noooo!! Bobby Blck gettng marid to weird ponytl grl outside at Lng Nck manse rt NOW!!!"

Anonymous said...

The next special announcement will be Gina saying that she is three months pregnant. Then Mary will be free to meddle away.

James in North Dakota said...

I'm wondering if Lumpy McAngry, the Blazes' ever-so-grumpy coach, was Bobby's best man? Or is he sitting in his one-bedroom apartment, stewing that he's lost another of his star players to some broad with a ponytail!

tuowl74 said...

But wait, there's more. After the ceremony they will announce their immediate separation and divorce, all before dinner. The circle of life is complete.

phoebes in santa fe said...

Great one, Meg! Are you auditioning to replace Moy? You've got my vote!

Anonymous said...

This week those gansters from the past will finally catch up to Bobby and this will be a short marriage if ya know what I mean.

heydave said...

Aside from all the valid points raised here, one remembers that Moy never let a buncha facts get int he way of a good story.

And, yes, let us not forget it was Mary who brought these too together!

birdie said...

Today Gina is demonstrating her ventriloquism skills. Or maybe she really isn't saying those vows at all. Maybe Mary is "throwing" her voice and saying them for her. If she's caught doing this, would that mean that Mary is now married to Bobby?

Thorpnotized said...

Normally these wedding vows are spoken individually, not together. Nevertheless, it looks like I might be right about my post yesterday. This wedding ceremony may last through the end of the week...

Vicki said...

In panel two, Gina is suddenly looking a little unsure...maybe it's dawned on her that Bobby looks a bit like Liberace from the side! Well hey, if that soccer thing doesn't work out, he can always play piano down at the club for tips!

Anonymous said...

Weddings are dangerous in in the Worthiverse. Adrian hasn't been seen again since her wedding, has she?

Shmoopie said...

Aaaand - Gina changed her dress ONCE AGAIN. I was SO hoping this "story" would be over today, with Mary smugly emitting thought bubbles on her plane ride home. But no! We can always squeeze another week out of this. And another one. And another one. And then we'll have to tell Toby all about it. Aaaaaaaaaarggghhh!

limestone lenny said...

its shaping up to be a lovely wedding

meg said...

From yesterday's comments:

Anonymous said...
If Bobby's a celebrity, why was it so hard for Gina to find him in the first place?
- spencer

Spencer: It never occurred to Gina to look for him on the computer until you-know-who suggested it!

(Actually, Mary suggested the abacus, but Gina was savvy enough to use the computer instead.)

KitKat said...

Yesterday Gina and Bobby were about the same height; today, either Gina has shrunk or Bobby has grown. It also looks like Gina's eyes are back to blue. Maybe they are cyborgs, not humans! That would explain a lot....

Punky (Ootsio Ulestarv) said...

What I'm wondering: since in the Worthiverse, something like a wedding would be teased and anticipated and drawn out for weeks, what is the REAL storyline we are about to embark on? Karen Moy says her plots usually span 3-4 months. So since the wedding took place just over a week since Mary exclaimed "I'm going to New York," something else must be afoot. Will the mob rediscover Gina after all this time? ("We recognized her by her ponytail, boss.") Or will there be another twist we don't yet know? Please, oh please let it get interesting!

limestone lenny said...

do you think there is any chance that mary will catch the bouquet at the reception??????

meg said...

Punky- Perhaps we will have a situation where Mary has to choose between being a busybody or a vigilante! Of course, they are not totally dissimilar.

Anonymous said...

@Punky - Is Bobby already married? Or does Bobby have a kid Gina doesn't know about? Or Bobby tears his ACL's on their honeymoon and his career is over, the "fame" disappears quicky, and they end up penniless? Mary didn't show up in NY for no reason other than to thought-bubble at us. Even if a happy hobo intervenes there must be meddling by Mary somehow. Or is Mary, now that she sees how happy Bobbina is, going to accept Jeff's proposal belatedly? Something more has to be going on, right?

Anonymous said...

Was Bobby Nola's boyfriend?

fauxprof said...

OK, I give up. This is just Moy tying up loose ends. In Tuesday's strip, the wedding came off without a hitch (although Bobby didn't seem all that into the kiss, if ya know what I mean). So, Mary can fly home aboard the Concorde, or the Spruce Goose, or a Martin B-26 Marauder, and get on to proper Santa Royale meddling.

KitKat said...

Those must be arena soccer hooligans yelling "Woo-hoo, Bobby!" Yawn.

We are being disappointed by Moy once again. I was hoping to see the family members whom Bobby was addressing on May 4 - Gina's dad who vanished 10 years ago? Bobby's family who have never made an appearance?

Thorpnotized said...

We have another different neckline on Gina's dress today; the minister's jacket is back to black after turning gray yesterday. I'm disappointed that we didn't get to see Gina and Bobby putting the rings on each others' fingers. And what's become of Mary? Is she back at the mansion, packing her bags?

meg said...

Thorpnotized@935- I'm hoping Mary is packing her bags. Otherwise, the old bag and her bags will be there when the newlyweds wake up tomorrow morning.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Black," she'll archly say. "I'm just whipping up some Kelkie waffles on that waffle iron that Bobby's team's manager gave you. I thought we would have vegetable terrine for lunch, and for dinner, we....ACK! GACK!"

Gina says, "No, Bobby! Stop choking Mary! I want my turn now."

Thorpnotized said...

meg@1:04 - LOL! Let's hope they go elsewhere for their honeymoon!

I wonder if we will get to see Mary having visions of Gina in the clouds on her return trip...

meg said...

Thorp- if they go elsewhere for their wedding night/honeymoon, that would leave Mary all alone in Creepy Old Borrowed Mansion. Time for a crank call: "Hello, Mary, I know you're alone. This is Aldo- remember me?"

Anonymous said...

Who gave Gina away at the wedding?

Dartpaw86 said...

The most being Mary, Wanders and about 3 other people.
Who are these two again ;D

Marge said...

No one needs to give the bride away. That's just an old tradition going back to the days when women were possessions, first of their father, then of their husbands.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what's on TV in Dr. Jeff's hallway? Couldn't be any more boring than what's on Mary Worth this week.

Vicki said...

Anon @ 4:48 p.m. : Who better to give Gina away than PonyTail!? They've been together forever and no one knows Gina better, lol.

Anonymous said...

Okay, meg, I was laughing already at your scenario, especially the line about the Bratz hairstyle, but you topped yourself with the abacus refernence!

Is it too late for Bobby and Gina to honeymoon on the Costa Concordia?

--Beagle Vet

heydave said...

I'm not a big fan of weddings, but now I hate them.
Woo-hoo, Mary!

KitKat said...

Looks like Mr. Giella was laying on the ground when he sketched the first panel. And, wasn't it thoughtful of Mary to release Santa Royale seagulls in celebration of the nuptials?

I wonder if Wanders is one of the people celebrating at the main house.

Thorpnotized said...

[WED] At first, I thought Mary had aged substantially in the second panel, until I realized that woman is an imposter. Mary was wearing a scoop-necked, short-sleeved dress, and this woman is wearing a long-sleeved, collared blouse. So, where IS Mary?

LouiseF said...

Mary's not the only one who looks as if she has aged, courtesy of this (lack of) plotline. . .I find myself needing a long snooze until this reception is over. Seeing as how it's set on the East Coast, I predict a party that features a DJ, the Electric Slide, audience participation dancing the Alley Cat and (after a BUNCH of champagne) the Chicken Dance. OK, now that that's over, can we get back to some semblance of a story? I'm sorry, but a wedding reception is NOT really a story line. . . .

limestone lenny said...

you know its goind to be a wild reception!!!!

fauxprof said...

Thanks, Thorpnotized. I, too, thought Mary was looking her true age (approx. 132), until you pointed out the costume discrepancy. Bobby is looking disturbingly more and more like Mr. Trololo. But, then, so do most of Giella's male characters.

meg said...

Wasn't it nice of Gina to ask Mary's grandmother to the wedding?

Unfortunately, when someone dressed her for the outing, they got both the poor old dear's arms in the same (long) sleeve.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it a bit early for the guests to be getting jaundiced? They haven't even eaten yet!

--Beagle Vet

Anonymous said...

Oh, never mind. The wedding's been going on for several days now; they've probably all been drinking steadily and their livers are shot.

--Beagle Vet

Amanda Kate said...

Hey, that's not Gina's ordinary ponytail...that's a formal ponytail. You can tell because it's higher up on her head.

Vicki said...

Oh goodie, now we can watch them eat cake, drink punch and do the macarena all week! Mary looks like she's ready for a nap, though. So much excitement for one day!